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Ask HN: I’m desperate and could use some career advice

6 points by poletopole ↗ HN
I’ve been in the web development sector for over a decade now. I took a gap year during the pandemic to reconcile the fact that I no longer love development like I once did. There are still fascinating texts I plan on reading on things like compiler engineering, systems/OS/networking theory, and algorithms. However, I honestly have only worked on a high level over the span of my modest career, many here have a decade or two on me who I hope can save me from this moral nihilism of the software industry I suffer from.

The very day lockdown began I left my job and went down a self destructive yet necessary path to burn the disdain in my heart away to answer where exactly I needed to belong.

I decided to be absurd and said fuck it I will work on a paper surrounding the Riemann Hypothesis, not because I knew what I was doing but because I didn’t.

Now to get to the questions I must ask of HN:

1. If I pursue mathematics will my honeymoon end in the same disdain I’m left with now after treading water in the river of filth that is this industry, in practice but not heart?

2. If I decide to level up on the CS topics I mentioned I still want to learn but could honestly take or leave, will I have a change of heart?

3. I realize most industries don’t work like burger king, you can’t have it your way after all. This is a fact of life I accept with stoicism, but still, is the grass really greener on the other side? Will I really be happier if I focus on math heavy CS fields like ML and cryptography? I’m a programmer like it or not, but I find myself torn between studying mathematics or core CS topics I mentioned which do have an iota of math but only as a means to an end I feel I do not have the heart to pursue. I don’t have the time nor money left to study both, and so I must choose. The nature of life is choice itself I’ve come to realize and am paralyzed between my future and the abyss of my past. How do I overcome this hell?

13 comments

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a3n
You have an interesting writing style. I wonder if you can leverage that.
poletopole
Sarcasm is the poetic justice I deserve for my melodramatic post on a father's day morning, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, since my English professors said nothing other. I will give it some genuine thought, however, since it has crossed my mind before.

According to wikipedia you technically cared more than say 1.5 million others who cringed at my diatribe before it was downvoted to the underworld, so if you will indulge my curiosity, where might a ex-programmer find work as an author these days? I don't mind lowering myself to ghost blog careerism, there's a certain art form to SEO collusion; plus it would be a more hospitable home to edify my narcissism than HN.

The state of online short form prose is rather abysmal, our attention is a commodity mined so much these days, things have gone from editorials, to newsletter and blog post, and further down to the pithy and snarky droppings of Twitter, and eventually we'll just communicate using a dialect of smurf speak and emoji glyphs. If all else fails, there's always fiction.

SeniorSenior
I don't agree with all you say but you do write well. And I don't read to be agreed with; I read to learn the errors of my way. There are many many writer groups and they are cheap to join. The trick to writing is to write, which you clearly do. The second trick to writing is to quit caring what others think; if you write to speak truth to yourself, others will read it. The previous post did not sound like sarcasm to me, so you may have a little self-confidence problem. A writer's group will help you with that. They can also teach you how to market your product ... but real writers write because they must, not for the external rewards. You were not being overly melodramatic; you were speaking truth. Others can like it or not, but they can't tell you that you are "wrong."

Your clear strength (as I see it) is that you think in nerd but don't need a translator to be able to speak to civilians. That is a gift. It would serve you well if you opened a small computer store. It will serve you well if you choose to write.

Go get 'em.

poletopole
If I survive the tribulation I vow to be as wholesome as you are except perhaps not as lucid. I'll sign off your edition of my novel with the "Tiger" however, because I'm half the man you are.
tonteldoos
I think it was Scott Adams that had the discussion about being the best at one thing, vs being (very) good at more than one thing, and in that nexus you can shine.

I too very much enjoyed your writing style - have you considered going into technical writing of some description? For sure, I would read a lot more documentation/articles/blogs/howots if they were actually engaging reads...

SeniorSenior
Join the military; Afterward everything will seem cool as long as no one is shooting at you. Apply to DARPA or some other "skunkworks." Take a survival class; Few people know how little it actually takes to survive, but knowing you can survive with just what is in your head relieves a huge amount of stress. Go private and start a small computer business; helping others makes life seem worthwhile. Start a "hip pocket" business such as upholstering, writing, wood carving, truck farming; it gives you a fall-back skill and the physical work combined with the completely different mind-set required by that work may cure your burn-out from coding. Your third point is poorly phrased; I would say that you can't "have it your way" while working for others.
the_only_law
> Apply to DARPA or some other "skunkworks."

Any guide on how to go about this as an individual nobody?

Everytime I’ve attempted to look into getting involved with the government (I.e. bidding for contracts, working on DARPA projects, etc.) the information they provide just leaves me more confused.

Jugurtha
I recommend reading Cal Newport's "So Good They Can't Ignore You". It offers good advice on career management, etc.

He writes about several cases in which people tried to radically change their job. The stereotype of the desk worker daydreaming about leaving everything to get a farm, or someone going on a spiritual quest to become a monk, etc.

He introduces what he thinks to be a good way to change careers, "mini bets". In other words, trying your hand at whatever you want to transition to, without fully abandoning what you already are doing just to see if it really fits you, and if you can sustain that 'passion', and vice versa.

He says many people who made successful, seemingly radical changes, had prior knowledge of what they were transitioning to in one way or the other.

He also talks about career capital, and other useful work related concepts and dynamics. I highly recommend it.

the_only_law
> In other words, trying your hand at whatever you want to transition to, without fully abandoning what you already are doing just to see if it really fits you

How do you do this in the face of heavy handed credentialism (many/most careers outside software) and lack of domain knowledge/ experience?

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admissionsguy
> If I pursue mathematics will my honeymoon end in the same disdain I’m left with now after treading water in the river of filth that is this industry, in practice but not heart?

If you join academia, then yes, most likely. There is even more "filth" in there than in software development. If you pursue it independently like pre-XXth century mathematicians, maybe not.

The idea that one can attain some sort of intellectual fulfilment as a wage worker is misguided, in my opinion.