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How to differentiate between imposter syndrome v/s working with a bad manager?

9 points by parkhi ↗ HN
I work at a multi national company as a software engineer.I also have narcissistic parents which kicked in more of lack of self confidence resulting in anxiety whenever a tough or new task (requires more learning) is given to me at work.

Earlier I used to mostly feel its my imposter syndrome as the reason which makes me feel so anxious after spending 9 yrs in this field , but recently I worked with an amazing manager for 2 yrs who understood my strengths and was more process oriented where i did not feel much anxiety kicking in for 2 years. I felt understood, supported and trusted with this manager where my imposter almost rarely surfaced. Now the manager is changed and he brings unrealistic expectations in discussions and that makes me anxious again. I wonder how do i Differentiate between my anxiety from imposter syndrome v/s anxiety due to bad management (unrealistic expectations) from my manager.

Older manager understood me and believed in me with complex problems too, while current one does not understand my working style and trying to force things on me which is making me anxious and also loosing confidence in me as i am not able to deliver the expected results. Old manager was more structured and i felt supported where ever new learning was needed which current manager has a pretty unorganized way of working and i feel forced into working on things which i openly denied my wish to work on. How to differentiate between anxiety from imposter syndrome v/s working with a bad manager ?

3 comments

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temp234
Really sorry you're going through a hard time.

I would try not to see any of this as a puzzle to solve or evidence to ruminate on about who is actually the bad one here. It doesn't matter whether your manager is bad or you're bad. It's just a bad fit and you should try to get yourself a better fit.

As you've discovered, people can either be set up to succeed and feel good, or not, and you might feel like a completely different person given your environment. It's OK to push for the best environment for yourself with no additional explanation or self-judgement.

parkhi
Thanks for your answer, it makes a lot of sense. How can I make sure that the new team I move to has a better management? It feels like a bet for better or worse moving to another team.
temp234
Got to do your due diligence (what's the work? how to you plan and track work? are priorities stable? is crunch rare to nonexistent?) but yes, it's always a bet. If it's another bad fit, keep hoping and hopping.

Maybe use your network of people that were good to work with; can you reach out to your former manager you clicked with or any former teammates you liked and say hey, I'm ready for my next role, I liked working with you, do you have anything open on your team or do you know of any good teams with openings? If they ask why, just say you want to try something new. Which is true. You don't need to unload about your current predicament or criticize your current boss, just be upbeat and clear that you want a new role. People will either pick up that something is wrong and appreciate your tact and respect your privacy, or, when you say you just want something new, they'll simply believe you and not start overthinking, prying, and dissecting, which is hard to remember when your current role is making you feel like you're bad and everyone is horrible.

Best of luck, you are worthy no matter what your current environment is making you feel.