Ask HN: I don't feel like working at all, what to do?
I have always been an (a below) average engineer. I was a good student during my school. In college I started getting inferiority complex. From there it has been a downward spiral.
I work at FAANG and this is my third job. At second job I was fired, at first I was about to get PIP'd.
In my current job I have high and low phases. I don't feel respected at my job and it has had severe effects on my self esteem. I have been anxious/ depressed for around a decade-- I am taking anxiety medicines and planning to start therapy.
There are phases where I work with high motivation but it fades easily. I have found I work on my side things with interest but I am not a completer. I complete around 80% of things and then leave them.
I am not sure I can keep working this way. Not having a good relationship with my manager (I never feel secured or that they have my back) has made me tired and don't know exactly what to do.
141 comments
[ 4.1 ms ] story [ 185 ms ] threadAlso, you work at a FAANG, for any reasonable definition of success, you've made it. You wouldn't be where you are if you weren't good at what you do and vetted by lots of people. Can you get better? Have you done mistakes? Probably, but that doesn't mean you're bad.
Is it? I've never heard that about Amazon, for instance. At Google or Facebook or whatever sure but the fact that they're using the acronym and not the company implies Amazon to me.
If your company finds out that you hate it and want to quit, you will likely find your head is about to roll. I had a close call with this once. Then I learned that the company doesn't really want people to be honest and candid, that's it's just one of the traps they put in their policies.
Somebody here need to hear this:
You really REALLY need an identity outside of work. Having "made it" because you work at company X, your boss likes you, you got an award - these things are VERY empty and will contribute to depression.
Consider augmenting your life with some of the following: relationships (perhaps with God), hobbies, volunteer work, exercise
For many people, it's the target for their professional career to get hired by FAANG (though it seems HN strongly dislikes that view).
I think a therapist/meds or even a coach could provide the best help for you. A therapist should be the ones to diagnose you, but this _ might_ be an attention disorder like ADD. I know really smart people that suffer from this, and I see in them a lot of starting new/interesting things with manic energy and not finishing. However it could also be a sign of other mental health issues, so definitely consult a professional.
This was the primary reason I got checked out for ADHD. Turns out I have ADHD.
Might be worth asking a doc for a checkup. I am not diagnosing, just suggesting to rule it out.
Before jumping to meds, you guys must check yourselves if you're eating the right kinds of food and exercising consistently. That two alone increases your physical and mental stamina.
Those adhd meds are easy to fuck up with (especially if you're someone who lacks self control and discipline already). I'm writing this out as someone who was prescribed those adhd meds before.
Edit: but yea feel free to go to doc to rule it out lol.
At the end of the day, veggies meat and exercise = good mood and mental clarity. It's lindy as hell, too.
The parent is referring to trying something that has been used for centuries before trying something that has been used for years.
Maybe Charles Lindbergh used diet and exercise to improve focus?
To be fair, he prescribed adderall last, after we tried some more mild ones. He didn't just throw the hard stuff at me immediately.
But, he absolutely did not discuss all the other means of managing ADHD: proper sleep, diet, exercise, supportive environment, etc. In my experience I find these even more important than medication.
A lot of psychiatrists are pretty old school (predating the explosion in ADHD diagnosis/awareness) and/or are generalists within the field of psychiatry and therefore aren't really experts at any particular malady like ADHD.
To be fair to psychiatrists, a lot of "generally accepted" ADHD management techniques are not officially recognized. For example, dietary modification is specifically not recommended due to lack of supporting evidence even though many (including me) find it very important. So, I can understand why my psych didn't discuss it with me, even though that was a real missed opportunity.
I am not anti-psychiatry, but IMHO I don't expect much from them except drug-related solutions.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivit...
I'm passionate about getting proper sleep because it makes a big difference in my performance. I've also seen a big difference in diet. I've noticed a difference when I reduce sodium intake (lunch meats, boxed mac-and-cheese).
I can't put my finger on how to consistently reduce the ADHD symptoms - I try a variety of things.
Let me clarify: Go to a doctor, OP. Tell them your symptoms.
In my experience when the source of pain is removed, happiness, or at least relative contentment, ensues.
Find something to do, rather than someplace to work.
It's not a magic solution, but considering you work at a FAANG you have sufficient $$$/insurance to pursue therapy/coaching.
Don't misunderstand. Just finding a good therapist/coach is work. You will probably have to "try" a few and they're not cheap. And then once you find a good fit the real work begins.
But, it can be a great investment. Think about it this way. Sounds like you are in your 20s or 30s. You have potentially 30+ years of employment left at $150K+ per year. That is potentially 4 or 5 million dollars, maybe more. So, when considering the costs of coaching/therapy, weigh it against this amount.
Remember that million-dollar athletes and even college and high school athletes have all kinds of coaches to help them perform. Why should YOU not deserve it?
(Side note: why don't companies invest in coaching for their expensive engineers? Considering the high cost of recruiting and retaining engineers, this seems like it would be a great competitive advantage...)
Whether you try coaching, therapy, or some other completely different route I wish you luck. Please know that you are not alone.
Edit: It's worth it always regardless of money I should say. But if you have the means, you definitely should.
> why don't companies invest in coaching for their expensive engineers?
This is what makes a great manager, on the work side of things. Someone who sees the potential in other people and has the ability to unlock it, and doesn't settle for simply managing time and tasks. But for clarification, do you mean a third-party that can also help coach things like work-life balance? Because I could see a lot of value in that. I'm wondering now if I should find one for myself...
I know a lot of therapists who specialize in ADHD refer to themselves as coaches. Because ADHD isn't really "cured"; it's just sort of managed and it seems to pair pretty well with having a third party coach. I'm not sure if this is common with other behavioral health issues.
The best managers do some level of this and really can bring the best out of individuals. But finding a manager who can run a department, interface with the rest of the business, and function as something of an individual coach... that's some real unicorn territory. Finding one is great but their rarity means we should probably never count on having one around.
It's almost like finding somebody who's good at MMA, plays the violin, and is a decent watercolor artist. It is obviously possible but they're such disparate skills.
(side note: executive coaching definitely is a thing. It is not uncommon for people/companies to invest in this sort of thing.)
There have been many discussions here recently about taking time off to rediscover your passion or just plain satisfaction. Going back over the decade, there were discussions here around people switching careers entirely (wood working, ski pro, ...)
1) Definitely consider meds. They are not a true answer in a sense but they help you get back to homeostasis so you can rebuild yourself. Current regiment for me is Welbutrin 300mg (mood stabilizer, anxiety), Adderal 15mg XR (ADHD), Lamotrigine (bipolar).
2) Therapy is a recent change for me but I am finding it helpful. With my type A personality, I've decided that a cognitive behavioral therapist made sense to me as its more action oriented than just talking w/ someone. We setup tangible todos, monitor week to week, and spend time talking. One interesting thing in particular is working on coping methods on issues that don't have an immediate solution. Where I place my energy effectively makes a big difference.
3) As a manager, I have to say that a poor relationship w/ a manager is draining to say the least. A friend at Netflix recently made a major shift from a UI team to API over this. Have you looked into making a move internally or considered leaving? Being at FAANG, you have high potential to make a move at least horizontally.
4) It's helpful to identify triggers that give you feelings of depression or other bad feelings. It could be as simple as staying away from caffeine or lowering interactions with a particular person. Like your manager.
5) Easier said than done but this isn't an uncommon feeling for many. You're surrounded by talented people so imposter syndrome is not uncommon. I will bet 100% that you are better than you may realize.
6a) This one used to hurt to admit but not anymore. I am an average engineer at best. You start to realize later than it doesn't make as much of a difference as you'd think. Can you solve problems? Can you get to the finish line on your work and deliver consistently? Are you surrounded by people who can support you in growth? Your solutions don't have to be perfect as long as the support system and processes are there to create bumpers around you. Maybe you want to get to staff engineer but that is a decision and path you have to figure out. If you truly want to go deep, you're going to have to practice and grow. There is so many other options outside of that though.
6b) It can be tough to get to the finish line. Personally I've found that I need to prioritize and get my TODO list down to the most essential and dedicate my time to nothing but one activity at a time. With the addition of ADHD I bounce around a lot and fall into the same issue. Try to force your time into one activity in spurts and don't move onto until you get to the end. (Spurts are important so you don't burn out as you're already working to get to completion and it has been difficult.)
7) Take a break! Go burn some PTO. Get away from the computer.
My takeaway is that your environment is where this is most definitely stemming from. I highly suggest looking at a move. Do it for yourself. You shouldn't have to feel like this. Hope this helps in some way. I wish you the all the best. It can get better.
ps Don't let the stigma of mental health issues drive you away from getting help. The industry needs to be so much better about this.
> I never feel secured or that they have my back
3 good things: (1) your biggest problem is yourself (which means it’s in your control, possible to change), (2) you’re at least partially aware of that, and (3) you’re obviously good enough to get hired at FAANG so probably not actually “below average”.
Of course, changing your mindset is hard… the first step is knowing it’s possible. The second step is, trying out all the well-known techniques (meditation, equanimity, gratitude, working out, abundance mentality, …) and seeing what works.
Not in your control, and can't change, hence the question. A common and dangerous trap. "I can change" may be as treacherous an approach as "say no to drugs". If we locked up all the people that failed to change, our prisons would be full(er). I'd be there too.
Now with the modified premise that "you can't change", "your biggest problem is yourself" becomes horrible news. It's the one thing you can't solve. But that's where many people find themselves.
But if you can't change, then what?
This spares you of all the self-criticims, self-help, self-motivation, and can help you reframe your narrative:
- A therapist doesn't help you "change". You're giving yourself someone to talk to. You're paying someone friendly, that wants to be your friend, has a lot of knowledge about struggling people, and can give you drugs. That's a great deal for anyone who can afford it.
- Drugs don't change you. They medicate you. If you take asprin for a headache, nothing about you changed apart from a less aching head.
Just talking this way will make you feel better already, and it helps that they're true.
I mentioned therapy and drugs because they work and are also mentioned by many other comments. But without "changing yourself" there is a ton you can do. What you have control over and can change are your people, your relationships with your people, your location, your job, how you spend your time, how you spend your money, what you eat, etc, etc.
If you insist people can change, okay, but you have to agree changing these things is far easier than changing people. It's easier to change the relationship with your manager or even replacing him than "changing" your manager. Same applies with yourself.
But the best part is, if you do all these things, you will feel better. You will change. You're one with all of these things. Because, ultimately, that's all you is.
> Not in your control, and can't change
but end with
> you will feel better. You will change
fwiw, it sounds like you landed on agreeing.
You should notice by the end that the two you's are different, and they are two distinctly different ways of modeling the world.
The deeper question is, what is change? And, what are you?
The first "you" is ego-centric. It's "what's wrong with me me me, I can change me me me". But that would never lead to the solution which is simply to remove "me" from the problem and just listing all the problems in your life. You wouldn't describe that as "you are in control, you can change". You would't seek self-help or self-motivation or self-worth. You would simply describe that as "I solved my problems, maybe I can help you with yours".
You don't have to change, because you are not your problems. This self-this self-that thinking is a deadend. That's the point.
"I must change" is the goal most start with. Changing everything else in your life is how you arrive at achieving it. "I" never had to change. "I" self adjusts as the result of everything near it. But "I" has power over everything near it.
That's the paradox of the selfless sovereign individual. In contrast, the selfish sovereign individual makes the most sense to most people in western society, which accounts for where we are.
I want be charitable to your comment but I think the premise of "I can't change" could be just as "dangerous" (as you put it). If you actually meant "change is difficult" then I would agree.
But, of course we can change. Can you learn a musical instrument? Can you learn to cook? Can you learn a language? Can you learn to use more positive language? Can you learn to use more positive self-talk (CBT)? Can you learn to get better at pausing between feeling an emotion and responding to that emotion to exercise self-regulation? (This skill is demonstrably what separates us from other animals).
Whether learning an instrument or changing your thought patterns, you're just creating, strengthening or weakening different connections within your brain. Some ingrained behaviours are harder to change, some feel impossible, but nonetheless we can absolutely change.
>This spares you of all the self-criticims, self-help, self-motivation, and can help you reframe your narrative
This essentially boils down to a bit of self-compassion and acceptance which I agree with although its not necessarily predicated on giving up on your ability to change.
> It's easier to change the relationship with your manager or even replacing him than "changing" your manager. Same applies with yourself.
I definitely agree that changing your environment or the people around you can be very powerful, and often easier than deep internal change. I think that changing yourself is not the same as trying to "change" your manager though. You can't change others, you can influence them, but you can change yourself. In fact you are constantly changing - it's just a matter of whether you're changing by your own intention or by outside influence.
"...as you begin to understand the fixed and growth mindsets, you will see exactly how one thing leads to another— how a belief that your qualities are carved in stone leads to a host of thoughts and actions, and how a belief that your qualities can be cultivated leads to a host of different thoughts and actions, taking you down an entirely different road." Carol Dweck - Mindset
> You can't change others, you can influence them
This is the error. Trying to change yourself is like trying to change your manager. All you can do is influence yourself, and you know this. You talk to yourself but you don't listen. Hence you struggle. We all do.
That's because there are two you's within you. One that listens and speaks, and the other that wants to feel acknowledged and valued and changed. The latter is your ego. You are not your ego. You are the one that listens and speaks. You are the one that influences and feeds your ego. But you are not your ego.
The moment you externalize your ego, it becomes just another problem you can solve, because we are great at solving external problems.
> often easier than deep internal change
Ya, so just forget about this deep part. It will solve itself if you get on with your life.
Even you make this distinction between knowledge and skills and this deeper thing. Skills and knowledge and philosophy can all be thought of as external. Deliberatly internal change is always a deadend. Most of the time it's just your ego thanking you for feeding it.
> Can you learn to use more positive self-talk (CBT)? Can you learn to get better at pausing between feeling an emotion and responding to that emotion to exercise self-regulation?
Words with self- feed the ego. Instead, simply say: Think more positively. Take a moment before you act.
If you self-ragulate, and fail to regulate, you're left wondering about self. If you fail to take a moment before you act, you're left just wondering why you failed to take a moment before you acted.
The difference may be subtle but it's precisely how you avoid an existential crisis.
Can you please elaborate on that "precisely ho you avoid an existential crisis"?
You can pickout from someone's words how embedded in "self" they are. The west has nurtured a selfish society; one that isn't just greedy, but that is obsessed with "self". We call it individualism, but also express the doctorine through all the words with the self- prefix, where self-actualization may be the most grandiose.
But when we embody our "self" we embody our ego. When your ego is fulfilled you are fulfilled. When your ego is hurt you are hurt. When your ego is actualized you are actualized. And we become obsessed with self-this and self-that, with everything pointing inward. But this is your ego taking hold of you. You have no control. You end up trying to pursuade yourself to no avail.
Except, there really is nothing inward. So as much as your ego is "there" you can never get to it or "fix" it. The ego itself is void.
So when you begin to believe that when all else fails, there has to be something wrong with your "self" or that "you must change" or that the solution is "deep within you", you get sucked into that black hole and you implode. You may turn to drugs to feel better, but you're still stuck with your problem, which is you, in your head.
But the moment you externalize your ego and embody your ego-less self, you gain freedom from self, and the freedom you need to begin solving your external problems, of which your ego just becomes one of them.
When you tell yourself "I am hungry" who is listening?
When you tell yourself "I should go eat" who is speaking?
It takes at least two to have a conversation.
The needy one is your ego. The other one is you.
When people say "pat yourself on your back", they mean pat your ego. And it feels good to the extent that your ego gets the attention it craves. The one doing that patting is you. If you called this self-patting, now you have the template.
Self-motivation is you trying to motivate your ego. Forget it. Remove your ego and ask yourself why you can't do something. You're probably tired, unamused, or just don't believe in it.
Self-help is you trying to help your ego. Forget it. Remove your ego and just go ask for help if you need it.
Etc, etc.
Your ego is still there. He'll be there waiting and occasionally bugging you. But to be in control you cannot be him. And there is no changing you through him because there is no changing him because there are no parts to him.
All the parts are with you. Like body parts, we have mental parts. We also have moods and states. He is just one of the many parts that makeup what others and you may perceive as you. But none of them are you; the one that lifts the hand to pat your ego on the back. That is the control you have.
Few questions:
1. “The ego itself is void” - how void can feel something, be frustrated etc?
If it’s not there - who is suffering, experiencing problems?
2. Who is “I” if not the sum of all parts working together?
Take out all the parts including ego - will be there anyone to “fix external problems”?
In other words how can we know (verify or at least feel) that your model isn’t just a play of words, while objectively exissting and experienced feelings, issues, dissatisfactions are still there?
Or what difference does it make - how we split the cake and how we call our different parts?
It's void in the sense that it's a black hole and a black box. You feed it, and it all disappears into a void. Your ego will then ask you to do things to feed it more, but nothing good comes of this. You are simply ego-driven. And in an ego-embodying state, when your ego fails, you fail. Crisis. This crisis is the worst when you cause it. When you realize your ego is an idiot, but still equate it with you, "you" becomes a paradox.
> 2. Who is “I” if not the sum of all parts working together?
Right. But you're your hand, but your hand is external to the one doing the feeling, thinking, and controlling. You can exist without it. Repeat for every part. Headaches may be the most telling. Literally, your head is hurting. Yet, we swallow a pill and get on with our lives.
Once you strip everything away, you're left with an observer that can feel and talk and decide. A stripped consciousness. At this level we may truly all be the same. It is at this level that we must connect.
Of course, ego-embodying people connect with their egos. This explains most of the people I've met in the last 20 years through work in Los Angeles. Once you're not an ego booster to them, the relationship is over. But they all use ego-boosting to make relationships and sustain them. They believe that's how they'll make it, when all it is is their ego thirsty for attention and money.
Well, the one doing the ego-boosting, the one deciding to do it, and the one okay with it, is the selfless you that can do, decide, and not be okay with the opposite.
> that your model isn’t just a play of words
It's all words. Or at least, every version of the world exposes itself as (a play of) words.
When I see someone reasoning with self- words, I see them playing with fire, and I can easily fix their expressions to be less egocentric. Usually it makes them feel better too. It's semantic surgery and semantic therapy. You hear a pessimist and if you're an optimist, you know right away how unnecessary some of their framing of the world can be. It's all in our words.
> what difference does it make - how we split the cake and how we call our different parts
We can split it however we see fit, but it makes all the difference. If you identify with your ego, you'll live one way. If you identify your ego as a needy pesky pet that lives in your mind that requires occassional feeding, you'll live another way.
The ego serves a purpose. It can make you feel really really good. It's tenticales stretch into our nervous system. It rewards us for our successes and punishes us for our failures. Or at least tries to. Kids are all one with their egos. It's with maturity that we learn detachement and transcendence. That's when we stop taking everything so personally and decide it's not okay to let our ego do the driving. But when you have the entire western culture obsessed with individualism, too many of us have become intellectually engrossed in ego-driven self-worship. We then attach our egos to group identities and go to war with them. To facebook and twitter.
And that needs to be called out for exactly what it is: Immature.
And what in your opinion would be the practical outcome from all this to overcome some case of career related type of middle age crisis?
What the #1 specific thing youd recommend topicstarter to do to be 1step closer to disconnecting with ego?
Your selfless self is the one that does the experiencing, and the decision making. And that's all you really need at this point, especially when you're older.
So decide what you wish to experience next, and decide to experience it. That's it!
Strip everything away and let go by taking everything you've been framing as internal and reframing it as external. It's a huge moving out party. Throw that sofa out on the lawn. Empty your apartment so you can identify everything people threw in there, and what it is you actually miss.
You might have to quit your job, get a divorce, or disown your father to get there. But you can't give anyone a second chance unless you accept they've stolen from you once. This includes your ego.
But this cannot include your selfless self because it cannot take from you. It only takes on behalf of the needy to serve them and waits for new requests.
Your head will tell you if it aches. Your body will tell you it's tired. Your ego will tell you if it has issues with the other egos in the room. So take asprin, get some good sleep, and rethink your relationships.
These are not problems. They're just tasks. Some are harder to solve than others, but you have a brain, and google and books where every solution has been shared at least once. And it's always your selfless self that goes to work and does everything for you. Your ego never solved anything.
So once you've emptied your cup and are in a good mood, ask for your next experience. Make a wish. And go do it treating it as the most important event in the world because it is. It's your truth.
At which point, what do you need your ego for?
If it's what got you here, then it's job is done.
And you may even wish to experience giving someone a second chance.
3 good things: (1) your biggest problem is yourself (which means it’s in your control, possible to change),"
It's possible their insecure feeling is legitimate. How many managers really have their employee's back, like to the point they are willing to lose their job to protect them?
A good therapist can help you figure this out, and give you better coping strategies.
It took me years to figure it out but I struggled to be consistently productive because of a mix of untreated insomnia, adhd and bipolar 2. What made the difference for me was really analyzing my symptoms, seeking out goal/skills-oriented therapist (a PsyD not a MFT), and not giving up after the first psych med or two didn't work.
I've seen people who really lack the awareness to know that they're underperforming, or the willpower to try to fix it and get help. Thankfully you don't seem to be one of those people.
Also, I'm going to echo everyone and say that you should probably get screened for ADHD. With ADHD it's very common for an inability to focus -> frustration that you can't get things done as fast as you should be -> depression/anxiety.
> There are phases where I work with high motivation but it fades easily. I have found I work on my side things with interest but I am not a completer. I complete around 80% of things and then leave them.
Probably describes most of HN so don't feel too bad about that haha.
I'm worried that if I go to any sort of medical professional they will succumb to "if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail" and I will end up on some sort of meds that I don't need.
I just have this impression that 80% of people could walk into any psychiatrist's office, describe their experiences, and walk out with a prescription or three.
I'd like it if someone could convince me that these are not legitimate concerns.
If you're worried about unnecessary medications (the majority of which won't make you dependent or have long-term side effects), you can always start with a good therapist (I recommended a PhD or PsyD). But for some people, they're struggling enough and miserable enough that it makes sense to try psych meds early and see what helps.
Remember that you always have the option to not follow a treatment plan if you don’t feel like it’s the right thing for you. A recommendation from a physician isn’t an order from a judge that you must follow.
If the doctor you visit is good at their job, it should feel like a conversation about solving a problem. They should be able to offer a clear explanation on why they think their recommendation is the way to go and involve you in the decision-making process. Many people are reluctant to be medicated, so you probably won’t be the first patient they’ve seen just that day with that issue, and they’ll have some options for you in that regard too.
I used to have a concern about drug dependency so I feel like I might understand why you feel that way, but consider this: If you take a medication and it doesn’t improve anything, you’re not really dependent on it. If you take a medication and it makes things better, then things are better, which was the whole point of taking it in the first place!
Would it be better for your body to function well by itself? Of course. Would it feel better if we had a clearer understanding of psychiatric disorders and how to solve them precisely? Definitely, but medical science just isn’t there today, and at least there are some options that work for some people, even if we don’t understand why.
There are a huge range of services available within the "theory" umbrella, some of which have 0% chance of involving medication. This may not be what you need, but it's a safe baseline. As another commentator stated ... don't think about theory, start doing it! In particular, talk therapy is a safe, often very effective, way of getting started.
Personally, it was instrumental to me to make some serious shifts in how I related to people and it took ~4 solid years of weekly sessions. A major component of this was having the space to take fears and anxiety seriously with the support of someone who didn't have (or really try to give) the answers, but was sufficiently anchored in life to provide a trusted second perspective.
Over time this let me identify some fears as wildly misplaced, some as valid but no longer applicable, and others as important enough to get a fire lit underneath me and do something about them. The resulting emotional freedom was life changing. Definitely I'm still a bit neurotic, but vastly more able to negotiate relationships, kindle curiosity into new hobbies (gardening and singing in particular, which I mostly never saw coming), and stay stable enough to grow in my career path.
Best of luck, friend!
They are legitimate concerns. Just don't use them as an excuse to not get started. You don't need to hit it out of the park with the first therapist. Hell you may go through a dozen before you connect with one that is more helpful than not.
The key is to get started, and then do something else if the path you started isn't leading anywhere. Iterate.
You can't iterate if you never start ;)
Every one of these people has a different experience. Many of them feel the same as you do, and they think they know something that helps them. But what helps them, might not help you. Your goal is a breadth-first search -- try as many things as possible, and quickly discard the ones that don't work.
Most of the advice won't work. Okay? That's the advice I have for you, and in my opinion is the #1 thing you need to recognize. Your job here, is to find the one that will.
And the only way to do that, unfortunately, is to actually do the advice that actually works.
It took a long, long time for me to find out what that was for me. And what it was for me, probably isn't going to be that for others. It's prozac and adderall for me. But I also know people who are convinced adderall is helping them –– but they are fooling themselves, and the result is sometimes destructive. I've also heard of people that take prozac, and then bad things happen. I'm not sure what "bad things," but I know that there are people who take prozac, followed by bad things.
So if I said, "What works for me is prozac and adderall," and you ran off and did those, there's a chance that it could be true for you too. But there's a higher chance that one of them and something else might help you. There's also a chance that both might hurt you.
That's true for every single reply in this comment section. My goal here is to warn you, not to advise you.
The flip side of that is, there's very likely something here that will help you. I needed some help, for a long time. It wasn't until prozac, that I actually got it. Because I didn't know that a "magic solution" existed for me personally. I had to (thankfully) stumble across that.
So, try lots of things. Discard things that don't work. Repeat.
This reminds me of a quote about how MIT has a way of turning physicists into lawyers. What it means is that people who started school trying to be physicists, got overwhelmed with competition at MIT and end up reverting to law school after graduation because their confidence in physics was diminished. Where if they went to a regular school, their skills (and confidence) would have grown.
If you can't 'hack' physics (I correlate this with very high IQ, stoic commitment to research) it doesn't mean you'd hack medicine (Which needs decent IQ, amazing memory/recall and very good interpersonal and communication skills, and ability to handle stress, blood and dead bodies).
Today, there's no such thing as medicine-as-a-fallback. If you aren't solidly and deliberately premed for several years, building relationships with people who can write strong LORs, doing and documenting volunteering hours, and getting everything else in order, you don't stand a chance at admission to a competitive school.
If so, I get it, that's my tendency as well. The only method I found was to take breaks and think about it in a dissociative state, then I also try to live with boredom. I don't see boredom or frustration as enemies, they are like an itch I can't give in to, because scratching a bug bite makes it even itchier.
To practically improve this way, meditation gave me that extra dose of willpower to last through boredom. meditation simply teaches you to passively observe, it keeps your emotions in check, if you practice enough.
No, it's not necessarily the last. Just that 20% of the work in total will take approximately 80% of the time. Tasks/projects aren't "sorted".
Also (or instead, if you are not financially/emotionally ready to take the huge leap above), set aside time to practice finishing as a skill independent of project / area of endeavor. I recommend video games with achievements as they have a more objective finish point than most other things you could do for this. Also they are fun and will make you smarter. Start with short, easy ones that have no hidden or notoriously difficult trophies and just focus on building a record of 100% completions. You can then draw on this experience for confidence and determination to help you finish work and personal projects
At least they should dip their toes in and try a B/C/D stage startup. I just think you get more useful info faster when you make a bigger change