Tell HN: Long Term Suicide Planning

5 points by sensorsbroken ↗ HN
I took major steps towards completing suicide back in 2018 and have held on since then. Things have deteriorated since then. Afraid to go but it's time. I pray for forgiveness.

If I'm crazy, I want to die. If I'm not delusional, then humans are truly shit (e.g. reddit [reddit is a ycombinator alum 2005/2006] stalking in 2009 and dozens of incidents since) and I want to die.

Fuck you, reddit scumbags and your Putin worship from long ago. Creepy ass scumbag fucks with data and algos. Good riddance. Get me off this ape planet.

Au revoir.

47 comments

[ 5.2 ms ] story [ 113 ms ] thread
I don't want you to do that.
I think you should stay off reddit (it helped my mood). I hope you get some help, but I'm not doing great either so I think I understand. All the best mate :)
(comment deleted)
I know: it hurts, to see and feel all that. It really hurts. All the time.

BUT: It is pointless to go. Who shall prevent all the madness from happening when all sane people are gone? The world needs those people who go against wrong doers of all kinds.

(comment deleted)
Maybe you should close all your accounts on all social media and stay away from social media for a while. Social media sites like Reddit, and Twitter are designed to cause outrage.
(comment deleted)
Those are some inflammatory accusations.
Indeed they are, indeed they are. Yet, true.
four reddit incidents total

#1 2009 #2 2014 #3 2014 #4 2018

#4 was a celebration of sorts

I'd be interested in reading about this some place where you won't be silenced. I'm amazed you can post so many comments without being throttled, like I am. Don't let these scummy sites destroy you.
lots of people have been targeted and stalked using reddit. is is really inflammatory?

as for putin worship, anyone who used the site back then remembers how fond reddit users were of him.

Putin seems to be a great leader for many Russians. Assuming you are not Russian why do you take people liking Putin as a personal effront. Such is delusion. Even if you are a Russian isn't there far more to life than who your president is?

Get a grip. Your thinking is disordered. It is a sickness to be so pre-occupied to the point of suicidal despair with the status of a politician on an internet message board. What's more is in my experience having spent a lot of time on Reddit in 2018 and 2019 the vast majority of users in mainline subs were virulently anti Putin despite not even living in Russia. Seek help whoever you are. Suicide is not the answer to thought disorder (these are text book paranoid schizophrenia symptoms btw).

What happened on reddit back then was a small incident. Reddit was a free-for-all cesspool back then. Putin comment was a distraction yet it struck a nerve, invoking your armchair diagnosis. I dont give a shit about Putin, and more generally, politics/politicans have zero impact on my internal calculus.

Being threatened with murder and blackmailed are two other incidents. Being falsely accused of a felony by someone who committed a felony against me, while bearing witness to conspired perjury was another. I used all of my resources to defend myself and was never the same thereafter, and my name is now ruined.

There were also a number of other incidents that led to this. Being harassed using reddit was just one.

Do you want to hear about the time I was molested by a closeted homosexual male in power, in the context of a job interview, and was ashamed to go public when he was put on trial for this by others? How about my physical impairment that prevents me from maintaining focus for any extended period of time?

So, stranger, should I seek help, or clean the genepool by commiting suicide (leaving behind three offspring)? Which is it?

Seek help. Assuming you were an adult and you really were molested by a fellow male during a job interview, you should have reported it. However looking at the whole picture I have my doubts about your story. I am sure you believe it is true but in fact it may just be your mind playing tricks on you. You seem to have the pattern of thought of a paranoid schizophrenic. Let's say you really were molested at a job interview or stalked by Putin loving strangers on Reddit, why let the evil acts of others ruin your life?
You're a malicious asshole. Look at your writing, asshole.

The interview was for a personal assistant position that lasted about two weeks. The lawsuit against this predator was in the local news.

Now shut up before someone tears a new asshole into you.

Should have reported it. Hmm.

What's your experience with cases involving male on male molestation in workplace environments, exactly? Please share with us your experience that led to such an obvious hindsight analysis of the situation.

Wow, being molested and being ashamed to report it must be a symptom of paranoid schizophrenia. Can't imagine how I concluded this species is dog shit.

Being "molested" in a job interview AND believing Putin loving trolls are stalking you AND everything else taken together that you have said paints a picture of serious problem. It lies inside of you, at the very least due to your hypersensitivity leading you to contemplate suicide. Assuming everything you said is true, seek professional help. Learn some coping skills. Reportedly something like 1/5 women are subject to some form of sexual abuse at some point in their lives and yet 1/5 women do not attempt suicide. If somebody molested you at a job interview the place to deal with it is in a therapist's office and with HR/police not hackernews. Get a grip.
But you said that I'd do the gene pool a favor by ending it. I agree. I'm a burden and the world is better off without me around anymore.

Yup, sexual assault victim for a personal assistant interview that lasted two weeks, culminating in an embarassing male on male sexual assault, and I'm hypersensitive for not reporting it.

Sincerely, thanks for helping me to better accept this difficult truth: The problem is me, the species is better off without me, and so suicide is the best move for everyone. Thanks.

(comment deleted)
Please talk to a real person. For America: 1-800-273-8255 For The Netherlands: 0800-0113

If you're in another country there is most likely a local equivalent. Please talk to someone!

Terminal TDS? Delusion is strong with this one but he gets one thing right: Reddit is a pile of radioactive bullshit. That said there is far more to life than an internet message board. Please get immediate emergency psychiatric help. Good luck otherwise thanks for cleaning the genepool.
You going to kill my three children off to "clean the genepool"?

Watch your mouth, next time. The way you spoke to a person looking over the ledge of suicide is despicable and malicious, and someone ought to teach you a lesson.

I am not responsible for your mental illness. I don't know you. You don't know me. The only connection between us is some text I wrote on the internet that orginated in my brain entered your brain. You don't need to let it influence you so much unless you can not help it due to a mental disability like paranoid schizophrenia. If you are mentally sick you should go to the doctor. What the hell do you have to lose? You are contemplating losing everything anyway.
Hi asshole, you're still engaging in an armchair diagosis.

Answer my question, boy. Someone ought to shut your mouth.

Stop changing the subject.

You said something about doing the gene pool a favor by finishing suicide. So, what about my three children?

Also, you're making this decision process easier for me. Your comments seem to be a low key effort to nudge me to suicide. You're responsible for your comments.

You keep bringing up the Putin worship thing in a fallacious context, you doubt my claim about being molested, and told me I'd do the gene pool a favor by committing suicide. You're acting in a highly malicious manner towards me, stranger.

(comment deleted)
You can't treat another human being this way on HN. Getting into a flamewar with someone expressing suicidal feelings is a terrible thing to do—that ought to be painfully obvious. But telling them "good luck otherwise thanks for cleaning the genepool" is so abusive as to be a bannable offense.

I've banned this account until we get some reason to believe that you will never treat anyone badly on HN again.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

The user morpheos137 has reminded me of why I want off of this malicious scumbag ape planet. Good riddance.

I haven't eaten in two days and ran out of drinking water today.

Stop letting other people control your life.
Bro, you need to do some serious re-evaluation. You just told me that I'd be doing the gene pool a favor by offing myself. My self worth is non existent and I'm suicidal and on edge. You're malicious, insensitive, and you deny my report about being a sexual assault victim, even going as far as to conflate that with your amateur perception of a serious mental illness.

Do you have any idea what that's like trying to come forward about a serious sexual assault incident and being told that I might be imagining it? I'll tell you. It causes suicide, you lowlife troll. Go talk to military investigators on behalf of male on male sexual assault victims. You know what they do, scumbag? They choose suicide before reporting it, scumbag. It's a shameful tragedy that you will likely never know. Remember that next time before dropping your troll suicidal nudges.

God damn mother fuck this ape species. dang, I'm out. So thankful to be almost gone off of this ape planet.

Listen carefully. (It should be easy for you to listen carefully since words on the internet affect you so much): Stop chatting online and go seek help for yourself. You say I am malicious. Ok then don't let me influence you. Seek professional help. It is up to you. Not me.
But, you said I'd be doing the gene pool a favor by committing suicide. Do you still believe that to be the case?

Do you think your comments making an uninformed amateur diagnosis of a serious mental illness, telling me that I'd do the species a favor by killing myself, and denying the veracity of my sexual assault claim are in any way helpful to me, or somehow going to motivate me to "seek help"? ('seek help' is another perjorative)

You seem intent on continuing to attack me with your snarky follow-up. Listen carefully. Provide follow-up comments to my comments about the male on male sexual assault incident I disclosed here.

If you are seeking serious help for your emergency mental health issues go to the nearest emergency room. not hackernews. I am genuinely sad that you are in so much pain whatever the reason but there is nothing I can do to help you besides say seek professional help. I am sorry for the insensitive remark about cleaning the gene pool. That is a mark against me not you. Clearly your mind is in turmoil and you need to seek effective help, not complain on hackernews.
Thanks for the followup.

I actually do agree that my suicide will clean up the gene pool. The cold hard reality is that you're right on many counts: that, and that I'm sensitive.

Sadly I have zero intention on "seeking help" and it has nothing to do with you or your comments.

Considering what I've experienced particularly with cesspools like reddit formed with the substantial help of ycombinator, it's appropriate. You may disagree and clearly you doubt my claims but you don't know who I am or what I was connected to that may have led to being targeted over time. At least consider that.

Pardon me but I'd fucking kick the shit out of you for talking to me that way, if not for legal consequence. I'd be well-justified.

Now shut your goddamn piehole, troglodyte.

We've banned this account. Please see https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27740600.

Harassing any other user like you did in this thread is not acceptable, let alone when someone is expressing suicidal feeling. I don't believe that you intended to harass them, but the way you behaved in this thread was so bad as to be breathtaking. You can't help anyone like this on the internet, and you certainly can't treat other people like this on HN.

If you don't want to be banned, you're welcome to email hn@ycombinator.com and give us reason to believe that this won't happen again on HN ever.

I suggest looking at a book called “Final Exit.” If you are intent to do this, there is a better way to go about it, although I hope you will hang on for a better tomorrow.
Thanks, did that, had the helium apparatus all ready to go and started the inhalation. Backed out and decided that a peaceful method was not the answer for me.

I won't starve myself. Just out of money. I have a better method ready.

Thanks.

Food banks have food and don’t ask questions. Talk to real people to get a new outlook on life, avoid reddit it is bad for you mental health.
I have a moral conflict with suicide. On the one hand, I think life is precious, and we should hold onto it and try to make the best of it as we can. I am agnostic, I don’t know what comes next, so I feel like I need to hang on and do the best I can here because it may be the only life I have. However, I am also very fiercely supportive of a person‘s right to self-determination. If someone is intent on ending their life, I will not stand in their way, nor should the government.

Almost 40, I have a wife and children, I could never dream of leaving them and so no matter how bad things get, I’m always reminded that I have something better to live for. I cannot imagine what it’s like for someone who doesn’t have some thing or someone to live for, or something to look forward to an aspire to day after day. Nevertheless, life is what you make it, and it is your life to live or end.

User morpheos137 clarified the reality I was denying: the problem is me and that the world is better off without me.

I will try to finish suicide now and do the gene pool a favor.

Thanks.

Please do not distort what I said. I said seek help. Why are you still ranting on hackernews instead of seeking help. Your problem is your problem.
You literally said the gene pool is better off without me.

Do you believe that your comments are in any way helping? Possible that your comments are harmful?

No I didn't. What I said was seek help or GTFO. If you would rather GTFO of life than seek help that is your choice not my choice. At least GTFO of hackernews because clearly being here is not helping you. In the final analysis nobody is going to save you by keyboard. If you want to be saved that is your responsibility not some anonymous stranger's who does not even know if you are trolling or seeking attention or whatever.
I dont want to be saved

I want to raise awareness about the extent of malice that is going on with silicon valley properties and how that's crossed over into real life.

Reddit only exists due to ycombinator.