I was happy with no children, now I have a child I'm happy in a different way.
Sure there are days/weeks where nothing goes well, where you hear "I don't want you, I want mommy", but there are moments when you get the reverse, and even little things make you smile.
For example I was walking our child to daycare last week and had the following conversation:
"Daddy, what plant that is?"
"It's a rose"
"It has spikes"
"The spikes are called thorns, every rose has its thorn.."
So then I had to stop the walk, so I could pull out my phone and we could listen to the song. Moments like that are worth a lot of getting puked on.
Never had children? I'd have been happy, but I'm glad I did. Not everybody needs to, and the world would definitely be better place if relatives didn't ask every couple "When are you having children?", the moment they began living together, or got engaged.
I have a 2 year old and have a hard time accepting motherhood still. I am so happy in a different way but also so unhappy in another way. However before I had kids, I was happy but also unhappy in a different way because I wanted to get marry and have kids and wish I had them earlier. The more choices and opportunities life gives you (especially now with “you can do everything!” mentality) sometimes the more depressed you get.
Part of me has wished I'd started earlier too, but at the same time I think I appreciated my partner for a good few years, and I would have missed that time alone with them.
I guess having children changes so much, especially for the first few years, that there's no easy way to predict how anything will turn out. I've changed in the past few years, for sure. Though part of that is just natural growth, and a consequence of changing country, etc, too.
My impression is that the adults who have children and dislike them are outliers. Perhaps the children of such parents are disproportionately likely to grow up and write memoirs, producing the impression that you have.
Reproduction is shifting. People are moving from wanting biological children towards ideological children, it's much more effective as a form of reproduction, not genetic material but ideas.
This concept is not new to the oldest tradition there is: the Jewish tradition...there is a specific word for it if I remember correctly
I am not Jewish but Dr. Brian Keating always stresses this point when he interviews people on his podcast "Into the Impossible" so I became acquainted with it.
Problem is that it's a prisoner dilemma/tragedy of the commons.
If everybody opts to have ideological children there won't be any biological children left to absorb such ideological content, we are far from this scenario, at least on a global basis though
I'm of the age where friends are getting married off and children will be in the picture soon. At least I should be, in my circle I don't see much of that happening at all. There's very little societal pressure towards marriage, and children are practically seen as a luxury item. Either you planned and saved up for them or you got one on an impulse and are now stuck making the payments. I'd like to have kids personally, but it feels like doing so would condemn them and myself to poverty
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[ 3.5 ms ] story [ 32.2 ms ] threadChildren are a fulfilling project.
Sure there are days/weeks where nothing goes well, where you hear "I don't want you, I want mommy", but there are moments when you get the reverse, and even little things make you smile.
For example I was walking our child to daycare last week and had the following conversation:
So then I had to stop the walk, so I could pull out my phone and we could listen to the song. Moments like that are worth a lot of getting puked on.Never had children? I'd have been happy, but I'm glad I did. Not everybody needs to, and the world would definitely be better place if relatives didn't ask every couple "When are you having children?", the moment they began living together, or got engaged.
I guess having children changes so much, especially for the first few years, that there's no easy way to predict how anything will turn out. I've changed in the past few years, for sure. Though part of that is just natural growth, and a consequence of changing country, etc, too.
This concept is not new to the oldest tradition there is: the Jewish tradition...there is a specific word for it if I remember correctly
I am not Jewish but Dr. Brian Keating always stresses this point when he interviews people on his podcast "Into the Impossible" so I became acquainted with it.
Problem is that it's a prisoner dilemma/tragedy of the commons.
If everybody opts to have ideological children there won't be any biological children left to absorb such ideological content, we are far from this scenario, at least on a global basis though