This seems to have fallen a looong way from front page then immediately? How?
It's useful stuff to me. If taken as accurate, it tells me that I am not ready for a girlfriend, if it means I can't ogle other girls. Useful to know that.
In all honesty, that's probably because I once shared a HN link in email ... and I am pretty certain I now get automatically banned from the front page. It's kind of a bummer, but PG's ruling is final.
Thanks for the great article Kirill...very well written & you articulated some complex thoughts, which are kind of relationship commonsense, but hard to articulate & internalize/implement :)
I had a q. about your comment above though.."In all honesty, that's probably because I once shared a HN link in email"
I am a HN n00b...is sharing HN links in emails forbidden ?
If so, what's the reason ?
It's not forbidden, of course, but if you share a link in email and ask people to upvote that link, chances are you'll be picked up as spam. "Gaming" HN is really a no-no. But, turns out in my case, that wasn't the case.
p.s. if you like it, feel free to repost it. I'd say let's have a "PG, please let this topic back to the front page" trend; but he might just send a team of snipers at me afterwards. :/
I was hoping he'd talk about how women work (in general, of course), why, and how to apply this information. Instead this article reads like this: a guy didn't pay attention to his girl, and is now regretting the fact, so he's advocating misplaced submissiveness--pretending she's right, thinking he "should have been dumped" for one non-huge mistake, never looking at other women--in lieu of the misplaced confidence he had earlier. Well, misplaced confidence can drive away a woman, but misplaced submissiveness is the least attractive thing in the universe.
I'm willing to bet the reason his ex "won't see him or talk to him" is because, in his attempts to talk to her, he comes off as desperate and pathetic--and probably a little creepy.
So many of these silly articles would be unnecessary if people just used their brains and their empathy.
People with two X chromosomes are not some sort of bizarre alien for you to "figure out how they work". They're people, like you. They have desires -- probably pretty similar to yours in most respects. Use your empathy, and think from their perspective... just like you would for anyone else in the world.
Yet people constantly go into relationships thinking only of themselves. Rants are everywhere about what a person "wants in a woman/man" or "wants in a relationship" where the entire concept that the other side of the relationship has "desires" or "wants" is ignored. Relationships fail largely because people think only about themselves, not others.
A lot of "geeks" seem to want to generalize everything about women and make up "rules" for dealing with them, as if somehow all people are all the same. They constantly come up with "scientific" explanations for "why women are different", ignoring the fact that the variation among people of a single gender is vastly larger than the variation between genders. Saying "all women want X" is much akin to saying "all black people want fried chicken", except a whole lot more politically correct (somehow).
... have you ever tried thinking about them and treating them as people with brains? It works pretty well, you know.
It's unfortunate if it came across as one-sided, but I tried to make a point that "noticing nuances" works for all sorts of relationships. In this case, yes, I royally screwed up my relationship with that girl ... but being selfish and ignorant to other's needs and desires goes way beyond just romantic relationships. So yes, I agree, "they" are certainly people, and this is a reminder to treat each other how you want to be treated.
So this is how straight people date? Sounds like hell. I try to avoid relationships expectations of emotional support are based on how well I can follow unspoken rules and keep my feelings under wraps. For many gay men this means being a lot more brash and rude with our partners, and relaxing the rules of monogamy. I'm not saying that it will work for everyone, but I've seen similar kind of relationships work with my straight friends.
> Guys often love to look at the other ladies and check out their curves, maybe fantasize a little. It's the nature, sort of. I mean, single guys do it, married guys do, even gay guys do it.
Ha, no we don't. I mean, I do with guys and all but still.
Look on the bright side: she was wrong on tips: they're calculated on net price and need not include the tax. If you're tipping based on total (incl. tax), you're tipping few % more than you intended to.
lol. I know, right, that's the "right" answer from the patron's point of view. From the waiter's view, it's as much as you're willing to give'em =)
le sigh
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[ 3.0 ms ] story [ 23.0 ms ] threadIt's useful stuff to me. If taken as accurate, it tells me that I am not ready for a girlfriend, if it means I can't ogle other girls. Useful to know that.
Depends on what kind of relationship you want to have. In my last one I ogled other dudes all the time.
I had a q. about your comment above though.."In all honesty, that's probably because I once shared a HN link in email"
I am a HN n00b...is sharing HN links in emails forbidden ? If so, what's the reason ?
I'm willing to bet the reason his ex "won't see him or talk to him" is because, in his attempts to talk to her, he comes off as desperate and pathetic--and probably a little creepy.
People with two X chromosomes are not some sort of bizarre alien for you to "figure out how they work". They're people, like you. They have desires -- probably pretty similar to yours in most respects. Use your empathy, and think from their perspective... just like you would for anyone else in the world.
Yet people constantly go into relationships thinking only of themselves. Rants are everywhere about what a person "wants in a woman/man" or "wants in a relationship" where the entire concept that the other side of the relationship has "desires" or "wants" is ignored. Relationships fail largely because people think only about themselves, not others.
A lot of "geeks" seem to want to generalize everything about women and make up "rules" for dealing with them, as if somehow all people are all the same. They constantly come up with "scientific" explanations for "why women are different", ignoring the fact that the variation among people of a single gender is vastly larger than the variation between genders. Saying "all women want X" is much akin to saying "all black people want fried chicken", except a whole lot more politically correct (somehow).
... have you ever tried thinking about them and treating them as people with brains? It works pretty well, you know.
> Guys often love to look at the other ladies and check out their curves, maybe fantasize a little. It's the nature, sort of. I mean, single guys do it, married guys do, even gay guys do it.
Ha, no we don't. I mean, I do with guys and all but still.