Ask HN: Do you hate your job?

I'll say this though.

My mom sold men's clothing for Macy's and was guaranteed she'd never get a raise even though she was a top performer because the company had been through reorganizations and the contract said so. She felt unappreciated and absolutely hated the company.

We told her she could get a job doing basically the same thing at Filene's or some other store. It wouldn't be radically better but it could be a little bit better.

She was afraid to make a change.

My dad died and she never really adjusted. She had a chance to move to where her sister lived in Freeport, ME which is a mecca for retail, but she never did.

She died of a cardiovascular event within a few years.

Later on I had to confront my own fear of making changes and was furious at her for setting a bad example. But I miss her and think she might still be around today if she'd had more courage.

To be fair, it isn't the job's fault. My manager is very reasonable, the company's policies are pretty reasonable, I get decent benefits (but definitely not great). My commute sucks, but it isn't ridiculous by the completely ridiculous standards of the US.

I think I've just reached a point in my life where I can't stand working in technology any more. I've been looking at job ads in IT for a while now and every single one of them fills me with dread. Sadly I have no other marketable skills. I'm starting to think the only way out is to quit and just live life how I want until my savings run out and then just kill myself.

I use it as an opportunity to reflect on the state of work and whether things are improving.

How to deal with it: Make life about everything outside of work. Work is an 8-hour day, if it's longer do things necessary to get it back down to 8 hours or less. After work, live your life. Do not "live for the weekend", it is a miserable way to be because there are 5 days you end up suffering through every week when every evening after work could become a joy. Friendship, romance, hobbies, exercise, put those into the weeknights and live the way you want to live (other than the 8-hour workday).

Then find another job, when you're in a better mood this experience will go much better. Also consider therapy. You may not be clinically depressed or suffering from anxiety like I was, but good therapists can help you develop strategies to cope with negative thoughts and experiences, as well as strategies that help you move beyond them.

While still in the undesirable job, find a way to make it more comfortable. My friends and I started an espresso club, meeting up twice a day during our 15-minute breaks that are legally required in the US. A manager complains about it? Catch their manager walking by and invite them in for coffee, when they see the cross-team communication and camaraderie they'll think it's the best thing ever, especially as it is self-formed and not HR-driven drivel. Those moments gave us chances to break free from the tedium and socialize in a positive way, connecting with people on teams we normally wouldn't interact with. Occasionally solving problems for each other that would've remained unsolved for weeks or months otherwise (which itself helps with work, a sense of accomplishment when the regular work seems hopelessly dull or pointless more days than not).

As for how I deal with it. I just don't give a shit. I do my best best during the day, but at 5 o'clock I don't think about this place any more.

I pretty much have a chronic case of it.

https://youtu.be/JRU_tjWV9js

However, I had a couple of jobs that I liked, early on. These were days when I didn't have to support myself (still living with my parents, so I saved almost all my pay). The jobs paid extremely poorly, and I wasn't doing them full time. But I liked them.

The things that I liked about those jobs were (1) I didn't have to work all day long so I had plenty of free time for other stuff. (2) I didn't have much responsibility. No reporting to people about what I did. I just did the work. It was obvious I'd done my job, and my bosses were clearly satisfied and appreciative. (3) They were not desk jobs. In one, I was working outdoors. In another, I was moving around a lot indoors. (4) Most importantly: I felt hopeful about my future. These were not dead end jobs I'd have for the rest of my life. I was making more money than I needed, and the future was open and filled with potential.

When I look back at the jobs that I hated, I see a few things. (1) No hope for the future. I felt stuck. (2) I didn't feel appreciated. Unfortunately, most of the time, money was a proxy for appreciation. I felt underpaid for what I was doing and hence not appreciated. (3) The working environment involved a toxic person in both cases; someone who was overtly or covertly hostile. (4) In one job, we had an open office plan. People would chat incessantly within earshot, and it drove me crazy. (5) In one job, I was cold all the time, even wearing a sweater in the office.

I think it's only in hindsight that I can pinpoint the specific reasons that I hated those jobs.

I wish I had some tips to make it easier to deal with. Based on my experience, I'd say identify the problems, and then hunt for a job that doesn't have those problems.

I have a friend who took a couple of different jobs, and hated them all. He just decided that all jobs suck, and stuck with the last one for a long time. That worked out for him, in one way, since he has a nice salary and retirement package. So that can work, depending on what you want.

However, I feel like life is too short to be miserable when you have a choice not to be, and it's worth hunting around for better. All jobs have some suck factor, I guess. But I know from experience that jobs don't have to involve lots of suffering (at least, for me this is true). Also, there's nothing against job hopping in the US. Seems you'll wind up with a higher salary if you time your job hops correctly (probably better not to do it in a recession). I wish I'd done that more.

I see my friends from other companies like ecommerce work more hours too. I think pandemic has made us working more hours, and it makes people unhappy with their jobs.

To deal with it, I need to understand this situation was caused the pandemic and keep sanity and health in check. I don't think changing employers is a choice when expected reasonable working hours to not hate jobs. I know when I change job, I will still work more hours.