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Ask HN: Improve my ability to participate in a group of fast talkers

4 points by noname2021 ↗ HN
I'd like to improve my ability to participate in a group of fast talkers. I typically find myself unable to jump into the pauses and get an opportunity to speak as well as other members.

It feels like my reflexes are a good bit slower.

Any idea how I can simulate that environment and practice those skills or maybe just solve the problem another way

11 comments

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[dead] 1680168l
That's not actually a good goal. Find people who have more availability to listen, or who communicate more with fewer words.
kazinator
Most fast talkers are not clever; they are loaded with prerecorded messages that they assert into the available gaps in the air space.

Just come into the group with your preconceived agenda, and ignore what everyone else is saying.

jotato
As a "fast talker" myself, I feel the need to point out there is a difference between talking fast and responding fast.

I will often take a second or two before I answer anyone, but when I do (and if I am excited) I talk too fast.

p0d
Good point. Fast thinking and fast talking are two different things.

I believe fast talkers need to work on their listening skills. Not just be busting to say their next thing.

I also see a compulsion or need in some people to walk through their thought process. This can be a problem when listeners got the jist several sentences back. The speaker satisfies a need while the listeners are bored.

runawaybottle
You know, those who can’t talk always throw shade at those who can. It’s a talent like everything else.

To the OP, some people are talented talkers. I don’t recommend competing against it and instead find where your talent lay instead and focus on that. The same way you can spot a talented talker, they too will spot where you are talented.

yann2
Depends on what Need of yours you are trying to meet through participating. That answer can be very very different from person to person.

Some people want to belong to a group. Some need the group to get something done. Some want to control how a group thinks etc etc. And the path you take will be different in each case. So think about what need of yours you are trying to meet.

In general they will pay attention to you if you show you have some value to them. Simplest way is to just show them you are paying attention to their views. Reflect it back. "so what you saying is...". Do it in a genuine non judgemental way. If its a formal meetings send out email summarizing the discussion acknowledging all sides and issues.

tenfourwookie
Ask a question. Then another. Then maybe another. Then you're part of the conversation. Then you can make statements if you want.

You should have something to say. That always helps.

Once you have ground, you don't have to talk fast. Talk normally and your listeners will adapt to your speed. You can control the speed of conversation just by slowing it down yourself.

People who like to talk and can do so quickly? I can't say I've met many who like to listen, so maybe listening as a strategy would be the better bet for this group.

noname2021
thanks for the responses, I should clarify that my challenge is just getting a word in.

It's not so much the speed of talking that is a challenge as that the rest of the group are much quicker to respond or jump in when there is a pause.

Consequently Its very hard to say what I want to say.

deeteecee
I think it's not so much a problem of fast talker rather than familiarity. If you speak to each one of them individually, that's one way to improve.

They might be jumping in faster because their level of familiarity is strong already.