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> preparing for a strongly worded email to HR

Such milquetoast measures have failed; if we truly value workplace harmony and intellectual hygiene, we must begin to take more pro active measures against the dangerous deviants.

Burn them at the stake during a company picnic / revival meeting, then have everyone sing the corporate hymn. The HR monks can build the pyre and run the games.

I wish there was more than one paragraph to this. The writers can really take this joke further
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Standups are a great example of unintended consequences.

They're supposed to make people stop the meeting when their feet get tired.

Instead, they've just made people very good at standing for half an hour or more.

On one platform team, we had a rule, if 3 or fewer present at a standup, we can each optionally sit.
We stopped calling them "standup" meetings when we hired a guy who was in a wheelchair and realized how badly named those meetings were.

We renamed them to "daily status" meetings, and we started holding them in a slack channel. Each person simply posts what they are working on that day, in bullet list format.

It's so much more efficient than "stand-up meetings", it's ridiculous. The agile cargo culting is real.

Agile is slave driving, and reminds me how a robotic AI manager would be. Did you finish? Why not? What’s your roadblock? Every. Day.
We have something similar at my job. They never adopted standups, but instead have a spot where you're encouraged to post daily updated and blockers, completely at your own convenience.

Standups at my last job were terrible. Nobody paid attention to each other when they gave their updates. Often, two of the attendants would get into a discussion that would take up the entire meeting that was only relevant to something the two of them were interested in. The meeting organizers wouldn't stop it from happening, but would also rebuke you for being rude if you walked out while it happened.