Ask HN: Messed up my education, now 30 and regretting it. What to do?

74 points by throwaway_pKmOh ↗ HN
I was always a straight-A student until I came to university, where I could never seem to care about the course material or putting effort into my classes. As a result I never even finished my bachelors degree, and I'm now in my early 30s and regretting it a lot.

Fortunately I was able to land a job in tech, an industry which cares a little bit less about credentials, and I've now held a number of jobs in software. I'm paid well and I think I'm pretty good at what I do. But then I look around and see the cool jobs in 3D graphics, in distributed systems, in machine learning, or other "hard computer science" fields, and it feels like I will never be qualified without a graduate degree.

It really bums me out and constantly thinking about it is starting to wear me out mentally. Putting my career on hold for a few years to go back to school has a very high opportunity cost right now, and even if I were to do that I would still feel like a massive screw-up for going back to university in my 30s. At the same time, I feel like I'm throwing away my potential and my curiosity about deeper technical topics.

Has anyone here been in a similar situation? What should I do?

120 comments

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I screwed up in university early on as well. I took a break of a few years. I don't know where you are, but there are a lot of universities that offer night/weekend classes. I worked full time and took classes at night. I ended up really enjoying my education because I was working and using what I was learning in class in real time. I ended up being glad that I waited and I feel like I got a lot more out of my education than I would have if I had started right out of high school.
Look at schools you want to go to, look at their schedules for a CS degree, and how much is doable at nights and on weekends, if they have special programs for adults, then start by taking one class at night or on weekends while working. In this manner you can end vacillation of whether to take the big step of going back.
I graduated with a degree in computer science and engineering and I feel like I'm in a similar boat. I'm older(48) with a family. All the cool tech seems so far way with maybe 5-10 hours a week available to learn.
Why put your career on hold while you go back to school? You could (possibly) do both. There are an awful lot of educational opportunities available in this day and age, including graduate degrees - including some from highly reputable schools - that are available purely online, in very flexible formats that could allow you to both work a "day job" and go back to school at the same time.
Non-technical degree holder here (BA English ‘05) working as a developer.

Yes and no. Some employers are going to consider a lack of a CS degree as a negative, including some really large employers with interesting projects. If you want to work directly for those employers on those projects, you will most likely need not just a CS degree but one from a prestigious program.

If it means that much to you, definitely consider doing it, but in my experience that’s already a very narrow and competitive field to pursue, so make sure you’re not just settling for any CS degree but one that has a network of graduates working in those fields already.

I suggest: -get certifications in your area of focus (I personally am looking at AWS ones); tons of resources for certification study at your own pace

-stay working but study at night; to avoid debit and continue to increase years of experience

-Once you have the certs, then eval if you really want the degree.

-Some companies offer tuition reimbursement; taking some night classes towards a degree shows employers motivation

-maybe change jobs every 3-5 years to stay fresh or at least interview periodically other companies

Beware of burnout, you may find that the certifications gives you enough mobility. Years of experience plus certification should get you in the door to most jobs. You may hit your 40s and realize you should have spent more time with loved ones.

I went back to school full time at 28 and graduated at 30, for computer science. I figured it was now or never. I already had two years in but dropped out for what in retrospect were dumb reasons.

Tuition had and has gone up an insane amount even since I've been out, I'm not sure I'd make the same choice today. As it is, for two years of school I spent 10 years paying it off (probably could have done it a bit faster).

But from an education and experience standpoint I don't regret it. And the feeling weird about being the oldest person there in most classes feeling went away after about two weeks.

What is your goal for getting a degree? Be honest with yourself, then figure out how/why to achieve it.

If you just want a degree to say that you have one, and to complete something that you started, that's OK. But the way you approach solving that (casual evening courses over the next 3-4yrs) is different from "need a degree to get more specialized job", in which case it may be worth a more focused study to get your degree ASAP so you can change jobs.

If you just want to learn more about other topics, or go deeper - there's lots of approaches that don't require formal education. MOOCs, self-study with text books, seminars/auditing classes, etc.

A lot of those fields still care more about what you can do, rather than what college credentials you have. Learn to do the work, get samples in your portfolio showing you can do the work, maybe blog about it, and apply. Let them decide if they want to hire you or not, don't preemptively reject yourself.

Also, there is NOTHING wrong with going to school at 30. Or 40. Or 50. Or at any age. You will never be a loser for doing that.

https://www.kron4.com/news/national/age-is-just-a-number-to-...

This dude was almost 90 and got a phd. He isn't a screw up.

I'm in a similar position, thankfully in a country that cares even less about degrees than the US. I've just had to accept that, at this point in my life, going back to university would be a vanity project and nothing else. After >10 years experience, I'll never recoup the ROI on a return to study.

My advice would be that, if it's something that you would actually enjoy, or it'd scratch an itch you can't quite shake then go for it.

In my opinion, if you can put in the time, I would just suck it up and go get the degree. You are still relatively young, so if you can get a degree at 35-40ish, that's still 25+ working years. Anything beyond Bachelor's is probably not worth pursing, but having the B.S. could definitely help you. I put myself through school by delivering pizza, then I got a M.S. part time while working. Yes, it was a slog, but it was absolutely worth it.

Edit: To add to this, I think working in tech industry now is very fast moving. I also put in a lot of effort to refresh & stay current. If you end up with the attitude of "it's too late to study", then you'll get left behind very quickly. Young people have a lot of free time and they catch up very very quickly.

Ask yourself where you want to be in a couple years.

I don't think a degree is going to help in say 3D graphics, but it will help your career. Definitely a disadvantage for those that don't.

"where I could never seem to care about the course material or putting effort into my classes"

I'm feeling this at my job now. Maybe it's better you felt it in school rather than at work. I dont want to "drop out"CB of my job since I need that for living expenses.

"But then I look around and see the cool jobs in 3D graphics, in distributed systems, in machine learning, or other "hard computer science" fields, and it feels like I will never be qualified without a graduate degree."

I have a masters. I feel this way too. I'm not qualified because I have no experience in these fields. If you're good and have side project experience in this, then you might get in.

The only thing degrees help with is not getting your resume trashed prior to an interview.

I did great in university, learned a lot, did projects, and the cool jobs still feel so far away. I think the best course of action is to just do what you love and find a way to get paid for it later. That's my strategy. I eat beans, grains and vegetables, live frugally and iterate slowly towards a future I would want to live in.

I think if your problem is that you don't like your day-to-day but your pay is ok, the best way out isn't through university. I think its by dedicating yourself to passion projects through great effort in your free time.

> As a result I never even finished my bachelors degree, and I'm now in my early 30s and regretting it a lot.

I'd really think carefully about why you want that degree.

> But then I look around and see the cool jobs in 3D graphics, in distributed systems, in machine learning, or other "hard computer science" fields, and it feels like I will never be qualified without a graduate degree.

Why do you feel that? What signals are you reading? Does this feeling apply across the board, or only to one or two of the fields you listed?

> What should I do?

Your title suggests that you may equate "credential" with education. I would take a serious look at that because it's far from a universal view. In fact, it may be the thing that's really holding you back.

Part of it is vanity. Part of it is the feeling that I'll have to defend my lack of credentials for the rest of my career, and that it's ultimately going to hold me back. And maybe part of it is the idea that there are some things I'll never properly learn without taking significant time off work to do focused study.

But more than a few commenters here are saying that demonstrating ability is more important than pedigree. Perhaps I just need to get over the mental hump of obsessing over credentials.

>Part of it is the feeling that I'll have to defend my lack of credentials for the rest of my career

Your feeling is, IMO misguided. Ok, some employers will be shortsighted, but the ones where you'll have a fulfilling career recognize that the person that taught themselves has proven that they can learn something new without explicit guidance, and had the grit to see it through themselves. This is something that freshly minted grads have yet to prove.

Don't get me wrong, I found my degree useful personally, it helps to have an education programme map out your unknown unknowns and turn them at into known knowns.

When hiring, with computer science graduates, I know that they at least know certain things (with a little prodding), but I don't yet know their capacity for learning new things unguided.

For non-graduates, I might need a little more time when hiring to figure out what they do know (if they're new to the industry), but when they can demonstrate skills I know they have capacity to learn for themselves.

It's not that it's better or worse to have the degree, it's just different, but some of the differences are to your advantage.

I’m almost 50 and have to check the ’some college’ box. That nagging never goes away entirely but the best antidote has been working with folks that are have the creds im after. Mostly I find that we complement each other pretty well, they help me understand domain specialties and i help them avoid the gauntlet of footguns that is delivering software in a regulated juggernaut of an organization.
I use to feel the same way before I started working at a larger Silicon Valley company as a software engineer. I graduated from a state school with a degree in Industrial Print Management and always felt like I was at a disadvantage because I didn't have a CS degree. Most of what I know about software engineering is self taught, I felt very self-conscious about this.

My performance did not match my perception and I was consistently outperforming my peers; getting recognition that I never felt I deserved. It turns out that practical experience is actually more valuable than academic experience. I would rather hire someone who's humble, driven, and ambitious but didn't go to CS school then someone who's none of those things but they have fancy degree.

To skip creds, skip gov and bigco, esp when new :) Startups & smaller co's are the places that take on the uncredentialed CV risks that everything-aleady-works co's have too much to lose on.

Gov and bigco care about creds, esp early. Managers there are rarely judged on ultimate results as they are often far removed and just need to improve something predictable by say 1% and hit some fungible and redefinable goals. They are heavily into checklists for covering their ass in not going in the other direction: "Your team took down prod / project was late: why did you hire unaccredited ppl? You run a B team. My team needs 2x budget bc we have all CISSPs and PhDs, and are not responsible for final delivery bc that's grunt work." They do matter a bit later too, but more fungible: someone close to me is actively going through a ~50% pay negotiation based on the same work but differently creds & math being recognized.

Startups and smaller companies dont need to protect their fiefdom but make it exist & grow, so credentials mostly matter less and projects matter more. Early on whether you can actually code, which projects show. Later, whether you can actually run a project through various stages, vs ride on the coattails of someone else, which takes 1-3 years.

I use my background as an anti-credential credential. When I was hired to teach software testing to engineers at JPL, I was asked by the administrator of the training department not to tell anyone I never graduated from 10th grade. I told him disclosing that was in fact an essential part of my teaching process.

I want people to know I don’t deal in bullshit, and that I always do what I think is right, and that my whole life history qualifies me to cut through the nonsense. Being a dropout gives me street cred.

BTW the guys on the Curiosity Rover test team were great. One of the most satisfying classes I have taught, and I treasure the JPL polo shirt I bought at the campus store.

Came here to write this, but @pezzana did it better.

Having a degree for long time, the only usage where it is important is work visa application - in many countries you just won't be eligible for proper visa without degree. Besides that, the only thing I regretted were 6 years wasted in college.

"...and even if I were to do that I would still feel like a massive screw-up for going back to university in my 30s."

No need to feel like a screw-up. While most students may be in their early 20s, there are plenty of people in similar situations to yours, including those who went into the military to pay for college.

I really wish there was an "executive" graduate degree for people like you. Executive MBA's exist for people working and wanting an MBA, I feel like a software engineering degree could work the same way.

Sure it would take twice the time, but unlike an undergrad you could study through the summer while working. Companies could even half fund this to upskill their workforce while retaining staff.

With so much education happening online, this should pre-eminently possible!

What you're talking about here is probably an "evening" or "professional" MBA. They definitely exist for fields other than business. My local high-ranking university offers about a dozen Professional Master's, including a well-respected Computer Science program. They usually have one Evening Bachelor's program of some sort as well (next year it's health informatics).

An Executive MBA is usually a very expensive rubber stamp for CEOs or VPs who clearly already have the skills an MBA would provide. The same university provides both an Executive MBA and a Global Executive MBA, which are 1.5 to 3x the cost and take substantially less time.

> I look around and see the cool jobs in 3D graphics, in distributed systems, in machine learning, or other "hard computer science" fields, and it feels like I will never be qualified without a graduate degree

I have an engineering degree and masters in CS. That stuff looks impossible to me as well. However, I know some people who work in similar fields with very little formal education.

I'm not saying it won't help, I'm just saying it is neither the only door to those "hard" fields, nor it is a guarantee that those subjects will suddenly start making more sense.

What stops you from continuing your education part time?
30 is not that old. Think of it this way - you have how many years of work left? 30-35, maybe longer? 2-3yrs to get a masters if not that long, relatively speaking.
> 3D graphics, in distributed systems, in machine learning, or other "hard computer science" fields

You're looking across widely different fields that are each impossible for anyone to master (despite the degree being called a Masters).

To use an analogy, even the GOAT Michael Jordan couldn't transfer his skills across sports.

You could pick anyone of those, spend an entire lifetime (or several) and barely make any impact.

If you want to develop expertise in any field, go right ahead. But the idea that a PhD (or anything) would allow you to master multiple tech disciplines is a pipe dream.

I didn't say that I wanted to master all of those fields. I was just picking examples of topics that I think are interesting.
> if I were to do that I would still feel like a massive screw-up for going back to university in my 30s

There's no shame in this; I'm wondering where you got this feeling for, especially, because radical changes in 30s/40s are generally considered success stories (when successful, of course ;)).

> until I came to university, where I could never seem to care about the course material or putting effort into my classes [...] But then I look around and see the cool jobs in 3D graphics, in distributed systems, in machine learning, or other "hard computer science" fields, and it feels like I will never be qualified without a graduate degree.

There's a big risk here of liking the idea of something more than something itself. The yellow flag here is that if one likes "hard CS problems", they'd find the CS university subjects tendentially interesting, or anyway, worth completing. Of course there are exceptions, but it's worth thinking about it.

> Putting my career on hold for a few years to go back to school has a very high opportunity cost right now

If your current career is not the one you want, you're paying a "very high" opportunity cost by not changing it.

This assumes that it's not an economical problem, but I read "opportunity cost", so it seems it isn't. To be kept in mind that taking a 3 years break for work, for education, especially in the early 30s, does no harm to the career.

> There's a big risk here of liking the idea of something more than something itself.

It's a good point. Worth noting that my degree was not in CS, but in another engineering discipline.

> If your current career is not the one you want, you're paying a "very high" opportunity cost by not changing it. [...] To be kept in mind that taking a 3 years break for work, for education, especially in the early 30s, does no harm to the career.

Also a good point. My friends are buying homes and settling down, and part of me feels that I should just stop worrying and do the same. Missing out on my current salary and going back to a student lifestyle would sting a little.

Did you start your education in Canada? If so, are you still in Canada? (You mention university in the initial post, and I don't hear that from Americans very often. Though, you may be outside of North America too.)
I was in the exact same position. I found a university program which allowed me to get MS in Computer Science mostly online. I took me 3 years, but I did this in parralel with may day job while having 2 kids at home. I think it was well worth it and I encourage you to try.

As long as you going to invest all this time and money, do it with recognizable university, not some online only program.

Your company may agree to pay part of it. US companies have some tax writeoff for employee education so it is basically free to them (up to some limit). It is usually not enough to cover the full tuition but still helps.

Do you mind me asking, where was the program?
It was while ago (2009) at Colorado State University
You got a master degree in only 3 years in CS with two kids and a day time job? Seriously? First of all: hats off!

How did you manage that? Did you sleep occasionally? I'm in a similar situation (kids, job) and I just cannot see something like this could be possible without sacrificing one one front.

I already had BS in EE, and I was able to transfer some credits.
Qualification for advanced fields has nothing to do with a degree in those fields. You get qualified by doing projects in those fields. You can do such projects while paying some institution to give you a paper certificate ... or you can take an online course to learn stuff ... or you can study books and papers and implement a project yourself and open source it to gain recognition for your work.

The industry has some luminaries who do AI/Graphics, etc., without having done much work in those areas in school.

See Jon Carmack, one of the greatest programmers alive. See Abrams. See Cooley. etc. etc.

It's a fallacy that grad school teaches you to do XYZ. You learn it on your own. It's just a forcing function to put you on a timeline.

Everything I know in computer science, outside the intro classes, I learned on my own.

Unless you get a specialized degree, I wouldn't expect undergraduate level courses to help much with the fields you listed.

I did take a 3D graphics course, but that mostly instilled some basic concepts. I have no idea how to do something like contribute to a 3D game. At best I'm slightly better equipped to do Google searches to try to figure things out.

> but then I look around and see the cool jobs in 3D graphics, in distributed systems, in machine learning, or other "hard computer science" fields, and it feels like I will never be qualified without a graduate degree.

I think you are being too hard on yourself. You can only become a specialist in one of these fields. Even if you were to dedicate your life on doing 3D graphics, you won't easily switch to a distributed systems or machine learning type of focus. Also, working on "hard" problems in these fields primarily happens in an industry/academic research type of job - these are really niche topics you have to throw your soul at to stay up to date/ahead in.