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How to remove ruminating thoughts?

13 points by Tim25659 ↗ HN
As I'm getting treated for social phobia still what guidance you can give me to come out of thoughts like some one seeing and judging/laughing at me because something i'm not able to do properly for instance i am new to go for gym somewhat due to fear or something that i don't know clearly some of the workout positions are not comfortable to me though instructor showed me 2-3 times but still these positions are not executing properly this happens to me whenever something is new to me i struggle to learn it in the presence of group of people but when i'm alone i'm comfortable doing it.In the group i feel terrified/tense..Any suggestions for this and sorry for posting non tech content in the HN..Since i'm lonely not getting known platform to ask this type of questions.Thanks

8 comments

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jizzass
Hi. I know this is a fairly simple-sounding solution, but I highly recommend books on stoicism - one that i particularly find helpful is "How to think like a Roman Emperor". I re-listen to it (or certain chapters of it) from time to time, to help alleviate the effects of said thoughts. Hope this is useful.
PaulHoule
Being pushed too hard by a fitness instructor is a real thing. People get injured in CrossFit classes because they deliberately push people too hard. In many Yoga classes the instructor will offer people a few ways to do something because most people can’t do the most challenging version of every exercise.

Some things just take a while. Many people can’t do squats with proper form because they don’t have flexibility in their calves. Usually you can get the flexibility in your calves by stretching for a few weeks.

A group fitness instructor has the contradictory goals of pushing you harder than you would do yourself but also keep you safe and feeling included. Some are more successful at balancing these than others.

Answers are: talk to instructor (some of them are really cool but some aren’t), try a different class, do more individual exercise.

For me individual exercise comes naturally, I hike a lot, do cardio, lift weights, etc. I have a fun time when I do group fitness classes but I wouldn’t usually do it unless I was specially motivated.

(Ex. Last time I was in a class I was trying to seduce the instructor but I fainted.)

rl3
>(Ex. Last time I was in a class I was trying to seduce the instructor but I fainted.)

As you do. When you regained consciousness, were your first words "I've never fallen so hard for anyone before." ?

anon2020dot00
The hard truth is that having Friends is the answer to being comfortable in social situations.

If you don't have friends and are alone in a social situation like in a party or in the office. Then it is natural to feel social anxiety. Like imagine in a school lunch scenario, where people eat together in groups. If a person doesn't have a lunch buddy, then that person will naturally feel anxious. It is part of a human being's hard-wiring to be anxious when left out.

We only feel safe and less anxious when we belong in a herd or part of a group.

The good news is other people also are seeking social company especially in a social situation. Practical advice is to seek the friendship of the kindest people possible and to also be kind oneself.

For dealing with thoughts, one strategy is to get it out by writing typically. But the fastest way that I've found is to just use voice memo. Use the built-in Android voice recorder to talk and to record oneself. Then can use a service like otter.Ai to transcribe it from speech-to-text.

Voiceliner, https://a9.io/voiceliner/ is also another good app for voice memo.

mooreds
What helped me was:

   * feeling more comfortable in other areas of my life (financial, family) gave more more confidence to try new things that I was not good at.
   * do something you enjoy even if you are bad at it!
   * joining a club can help. I found a fraternal society, but there are lots of hiking/dancing/other activity clubs. This will help because you have commonalities with the other members.
   * remembering that most other people are just like you and are focused on themselves and how they look and are seen rather than on how you look and are seen. Sure, there are mean folks that care about that, but in adult life I've found them rarer. (Related post: http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html )
ambivalents
I understand what you're feeling, and I'm glad you're asking for help.

A few things that have worked for me:

- Internalizing the idea that most people simply do not care about anyone but themselves. This is not a bad thing. In situations like this it is truly liberating. "You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do." David Foster Wallace.

- Internalizing the idea that if the worst case you so fear actually happened, you would still be ok. More than ok. You would actually fear it less after that.

- Immersion and repetition. New environments can be overwhelming. But you can and will adapt. If you keep showing up, acknowledging that it will be uncomfortable, but push through it because that is how you get to the other side, you will be able to relax. Of course, do follow your gut if something truly feels off but this anxiety sounds more like a product of your thoughts than an actual threat.

Sending you love.

dondt21
As you get to know yourself, you give yourself more permission to do good things for yourself. As you grow, you might realize that the present moment is most important. This is the range of experience where you are conscious. Learning how to take advantage of this will help you make better decisions. Another tool is that if you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, deflect your attention elsewhere. In this way, your perception of an uncomfortable experience will not process into long-term memory. Keep your adrenalin levels low if you don't want to be haunted by an uncomfortable memory.
mbrodersen
Realise that fear gives you the opportunity to grow. Don’t try to ignore it or distract yourself from it. Acknowledge that you are afraid and then push yourself to do the right thing anyway. Overcoming fear builds confidence. Turning away from fear does the opposite. A hero is not somebody who isn’t afraid. A hero is somebody who does the right thing even when he/she is afraid. And the more you do it, the easier it gets. Because you build confidence every time you push yourself to do things even when you are afraid.