Ask HN: What to do instead of drinking alcohol?

84 points by Graffur ↗ HN
My social and entertainment life has involved alcohol for the last 10 years. There's been lots of alcohol and health related posts on HN in the last few days. As a result, I am going to stop drinking. It's worth noting I don't have a problem with alcohol or being around it.

For those of you who don't drink, how do you fill your Friday and Saturday nights?

FYI, I don't smoke or drink tea/coffee.

171 comments

[ 5.6 ms ] story [ 231 ms ] thread
Can you go to the same social events or venues and drink non-alcoholic beverages? When colleagues would go to a bar I would drink a Coke.
My impression is that this has a lot to do with habits and acquired/unlearned tastes.

For example, I’ve grown to like extremely sour alcohol-free cocktails so much that I now prefer them over alcoholic drinks.

Recipes please.
Mixing orange juice with lemon juice and grenadine already does the trick for me.
Diet Coke, Documentaries, Weed, Hackernews, Discord, Teenage Engineering, Documentaries, Documentaries, Documentaries.

As someone who drank v.copiously all day every day for years, it's somewhat easier than you might imagine, just gotta stick it out till you're in a new routine. (BTW something very unexpected, I had zero sweet tooth when I was a heavy drinker, gave up booze and a month or so later I was craving cake every night. Not sure how common it is, but push through that too I think.)

“I traded one addiction for another. But golf is the crack of sports. Once I took it seriously I loved it. It absolutely saved my life,” [Alice] Cooper said in Golf Digest magazine
HN certainly helped me greatly when I was in the throngs of removing myself from my daily engagements with alcohol. Whenever I was at my worst I could come on and have a stimulating conversation with someone kind, took my mind off the physical and mental stress of detoxing. I thought about killing myself many times, but HN was always there to keep me excited about life. I owe a lot to this community, I'd go as so far as to say it contributed to saving my life given the path I was on.
Anecdotal evidence, but in my experience many people crave sweets after quitting alcohol. I believe it's a known thing in AA.
I’ve decided to give up drinking after I caught Covid over the Christmas break… sort of a “complete recommitment” to my health. Add to that, hangovers have gotten fairly brutal north of 30.

The ultimate life hack I’ve found for when you feel like a beer is Lagunitas Hoppy Refresher. They’re super tasty, zero alcohol, zero sugar, zero carbs. It’s basically seltzer flavored with hops and man is it delicious and nicely carbonated. A little over $5 for a 4-pack. Thank me later!

Runner up is Heineken 0.0, surprisingly good.

And for another healthy way to alter consciousness - weed edibles are where it’s at.

Most anything from Athletic Brewing is good as well, although they do have carbs.
There is a super boom of hoppy or homebrew beers in the Netherlands and Belgium 0%. I mean every bar can have 5 different choices. Big difference than a bar in Southern Europe with only Heineken 0 (which is bad imo).
I've tried every NA within reach, but settled on Busch NA. Anything that tries to be an IPA or other feels like an expensive imposter. Busch kind of hits the same spot Coors Light did, which was my usually go-to for light drinking. And it's < $1 per can.
Lagunitas is a Heineken brand so both your favourites come from the same kitchen so to speak.
Try brewdog's stuff if you haven't. Far fewer calories but all the taste.
100% agree on the weed gummies.
Vandestreek Playground IPA is the best non-alcoholic beer I've tried so far.
Here in Oregon many bars now serve kombucha and cbd sodas on tap. Makes a nice beverage that isn’t alcoholic but still feels like a real drink (and looks like one too).
I’ve stopped drinking alcohol and sugary drinks about 4 years ago, but I likely still do the same things as you on my fridays/saturdays. It’s just me ordering water instead of alcohol/sugar, i am still as sociable and ‘fun’ than anyone else in the room, minus the annoying tendencies most drunk people have!

The biggest thing you run into is social pressure for not being called fun etc. Ignore it and you’ll be good :) you’ll notice amazing benefits 3 to 4 weeks after you stop drinking that’ll keep you going!

In terms of how you fill your evenings, that can stay the same, just involves a different drink. :) (unless you literally sit on the couch with an alcoholic beverage and do nothing else, but I’m unfamiliar with that!) hope that helps.

Don't stop drinking. Live your life. You only have one. Are you going to worry about an air conditioner falling on you while you walk down the pavement?
You can live your life and still avoid the obvious bad ideas. In fact on average you'll live a longer and more fun life.
Is all you want to remember when you look back at your life a bunch of hangovers and stupid things you did?
Not everyone who drinks does stupid things or gets hangovers. (I can't remember experincing either very much over the last 10 years. When I was younger maybe.)
Those "stupid things" are often things you reminisce about with friends many years laters. Engaging in a bit of reckless abandon together makes you closer to people.
not my downvote but,

>Those "stupid things" are often things you reminisce about with friends many years later

Often only because your friends inform you of your "memorable accomplishments" at the time which you actually have no recollection of whatsoever.

You don't have to drink till you forget to have a good time drinking.
Roger, so many people seem to forget this sage advice.

I don't know what's on their mind sometimes . . . and neither do they.

The grass is always greener on the other side. I'm sure more solitary individuals will regret not being more socially active and having fun. On the other side though, you will also definitely regret partying too much if it impacts your life outside of it. I would guess that moderation is key and not being too far on one side or the other could optimize for happiness (but it's a guess.. I was too far on the partying side of the spectrum for a good portion of my life and then I over corrected to the other end.. so there are regrets on both ends).
> more solitary individuals will regret not being more socially active and having fun

It's bizarre to me that some people think the opposite of "drinking alcohol" is "being solitary and having no fun". It seems like a lot of people have leaned on alcohol for so long that they've actually become convinced it's the only way.

A lot of alcohol culture centers around this sort of vague FOMO that you will miss out on all the fun and regret this when you are older. But what is it you are actually doing? In order of increasing inebriation: Mostly sitting around gossiping, possibly making an ass of yourself dancing like a tube man, some occasionally hook up with a stranger for some mediocre to disappointing whisky-dicking.

Weekend drinkers, while terrified of having a boring life, are some of the most boring people I know. They never read anything, they never do anything, they never build anything or have any interesting ideas. They're too busy sleeping until noon to have time for that.

It is actually my thoughts on my past life and I fully agree here! Alcohol is making you boring, just because a lot of your energy wasting on consumption, stupid things and recovery, but alcohol left nothing in your life. Even memories.

And while you drinking, especially hard, it is hard build anything or implement your ideas - alcohol very often acts as “reset” button (at least in my case) and you not able to develop and maintain any complex idea for a long time - next party will wipe it out.

But the poster seems to be doing it based on concern due to health posts on HN not because of hangovers or stupid behaviors. Also many people who drink don’t drink to get drunk so hangovers and stupidity aren’t part of the experience.
This is in context of all the experiences you'll miss out on.

If you are drinking so little that you are not getting hangovers (and you are older than say 35), then you are drinking so little you might as well substitute the alcohol for something non-alcoholic and do the same thing, because your experience will largely be the same as that of a sober person either way.

I don’t know about you, but if I have two or three drinks in an evening I definitely experience the pleasant effects of alcohol and have roughly zero chance of a hangover unless I was drinking something awful.

People in here are acting like the only thing enjoyable about alcohol are the effects of binge drinking.

I have two beers and I get a hangover the next day. I'm approaching 40 though.
> I have two beers and I get a hangover the next day. I'm approaching 40 though.

I have one or two beers in the evening, and I fall asleep. Been that way since my 20s.

"Stupid things" and "hangovers" are not part of my social drinking.
>Don't stop drinking.

>Live your life. You only have one.

Two interesting pieces of advice.

As we know however, tons of people are going to need to completely stop drinking alcohol in order to continue living any kind of life at all.

Survival would hinge on heeding only the latter approach.

not my downvote, but I do speak from experience, I actually was set back a couple years as a result of an air conditioner in motion combined with the way the pavement behaved.

But I survived.

Weed is probably the closest thing, and should be far more healthy than alcohol.

Vaporizers (dry flower or otherwise) are low on smell, edibles have no smell at all but can take a while to kick in.

Kids.. make kids don’t worry about how to spend free time you won’t have any
Kids are the cutest time thieves.
Even though this post may seem funny to some, I can underline what OP wrote. I used to drink a lot. Usually went out for drinks 3-5 evenings a week. Always social drinking and never missed a day at work, but it was certainly too much. The birth of my son changed everything. Not only have I been barely drinking for the past two+ years, but drinking is making me quite hanxious the day after and I‘m suffering a lot more than I ever used to in the past.

I don’t miss alcohol, but I do miss the social part. Having kids is taxing, but also incredibly rewarding.

I like having a drink or two to wind down after a taxing day with the kids. But the logistics of actually “going out” is certainly much harder.
I don't drink but I honestly would much rather start drinking than have kids.

I think it was Schopenhauer that said love is nature's way of tricking people into taking on the responsibility of having children.

I don’t think that life can be as fun without alcohol so instead of totally quitting i would try to reduce it for special occasions like night clubbing
Moderating doesn’t really work if you are an alcoholic. It’s easier to quit than go through torture of waiting for the next dose IMO.
The OP said they had no issues with alcohol (not an alcoholic). Moderation is something that everyone should do anyway
I've had plenty of fun with alcohol, but more fun without it. And at some point, most people's bodies call it quits. This seems to happen in your 30's, some metabolic change perhaps. Now the stuff makes me sleepy or a little lightheaded. If I try to chase the high, I end up sick. Friends started falling asleep at the table. The wild nights of our 20's are in the rearview mirror. And I'm a more confident person now, so the liquid courage is no longer required.
Same here on all counts and I’m not even 30 yet. It just seems make me feel dull, basically never that euphoria of the early 20s.

Over the winter while being at the parents home I have gotten into drinking high quality irish whiskey on a Friday night after a week of work to chill. But it’s not that amazing. Luckily that stuff is the only thing that doesn’t give me a subpar next day. Even 2 beers will make me feel scuzzy the next day.

This made me feel old. I don't consider night clubbing to be a special occasion. Either way I have done the night clubbing thing and don't see myself in one any time soon.
Partner Dancing (on hiatus last 2 years, sadly)

Cooking

Lifting

Reading

Building Stuff

Dabbling in various other hobbies

N/A beer has gotten surprisingly good over the last couple years. The brand I’ve been getting around here is Wellbeing - I like their Amber and Pale ales
I would recommend marijuana or cocaine/lsd/mdma. Pretty good trips and better overall feelings.
I hope you forgot the sarcasm tag because suggesting you should replace alcohol with coke. That's insane
You think mdma is able to be used a lot? Seems like as you age it should be kept to like once a year.
Since you don't have any issue being around it, just order a tonic, coke or 0% beer at the bar. Half-decent friends won't require you to drink. Most of my friends slowly switched to non-alcoholic drinks at some point in their 30's. I drink a little, but something about my body's reaction changed to alcohol as I got older and it mostly produces sleep instead of euphoria now.

And for what to do if you'd rather not spend your weekend at the bar with friends, well you can do anything else, and that's a pretty vast category. Just do a brainstorm on the things that interest you. Sit down and list 10 things. Then 20. Keep going till you have a list of 100 things that interest you. There will be that many things. The world is an interesting place for most.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_hobbies

Cannabis? Or are you looking for a hobby? How about painting along with old Bob Ross episodes? That’s how I learned to paint landscapes. If you mix it with the cannabis, it’s even more fun;)
You can focus less on the nights and more on making most of the following days by getting better sleep and waking up earlier. I've gotten religiously into golf during the pandemic and am in much better shape because of it.
What about an indoor sport? Maybe you’re using the excuse of alcohol to have those social interactions, so you just need to shit to a non-alcoholic activity. I’s say cannabis is your closest drug alternative, but maybe go 180° and go for a fitness social scene.
If it's the social aspect of drinking you're after, try diluting significantly. No one is going to measure the units you've consumed. Load up on (non-sugary) chasers, or alternate between non-alcoholic drinks and low-alcoholic drinks throughout the night. If you can limit your intake to a couple of units a week, I suspect (I'm not a doctor) that you will get most of the health benefits of not drinking at all. Sometimes I find kicking back with a non-alcoholic beer / mocktail and some finger food has almost the same relaxing effect as the real thing.
Of all the benzodiazepines it is particularly pleasant to have a Valium or a Xanax and go to a party. It has an effect very similar to alcohol but doesn't have the physical toxicity. If you have even minor anxiety symptoms you probably won't have a hard time getting an ℞ for Xanax from your primary care doc for 30 pills or so, particularly if you intend to substitute it for alcohol.

Even though those drugs are very safe (in the short term) on their own, watch out that they are highly dangerous to mix with alcohol -- if you do that you could get over-sedated, do crazy things, black out or die.

Other drugs of that family are less good as a social lubricant, particularly the long-acting benzodiazepines such as Klonopin or Clorazepate which could still be sedating you 24 hours later.

Unfortunately if you use BZs regularly for a long period of time you can get an addiction which is particularly hard to kick.

In the realm of speculation it's been imagined that a partial agonist for the benzodiazepine receptor would have a cap on its effects even if you took a large dose and would be very safe for recreational use, kind of like the 'Synthahol' from Star Trek. One advantage is that the effects can be reversed with this stuff

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2244412/

however there is a lot of apprehension about using that drug for BZ overdoses because a person who is badly dependent on BZs could have seizures triggered by Flumazenil.

>>You probably won't have a hard time getting an ℞ for Xanax from your primary care doc for 30 pills or so, particularly if you intend to substitute it for alcohol.

Not in the United States. Try getting a script for Xanax and you'll be lucky you don't get reported the DEA re: our opioid crisis.

Also, the drunk high and Xanax high are not compatible. If you can't enjoy being sober around drunk people, you won't enjoy being Xanax'ed around drunk people.
I'm in the US and have gotten Xanax a few times from my doc. Xanax has nothing to do with opioids. For that matter I have had no problem getting opioids when they were indicated (from the Emergency room physicians after getting an acute injury.)

(The combination of BZs and Opioids is not always dangerous in people who are experienced with the drugs, but can be a dangerous mixer for people who don't have tolerance.)

A clarification: I'm a homeless nomad. I have the worst insurance available in my country. If I ask for Xanax, the assumption is that I will sell them to other homeless nomads, not use them for my own anxiety. This is but one of many subtle civil rights violations we poor suffer at the hands of the rich, who apparently can ask their doctors for Xanax and get them on request. Because homelessness is not anxiety-inducing. It's easy and free and safe and wonderful.

tldr; if you're poor, good luck getting any scheduled drug

Note to self. Sue the fuckers for violating my civil rights just to get Xanax. Clog up the courts. Finally! A windmill at which to tilt!

In the US the health insurance for indigent people (Medicaid) has good coverage for psych meds although it is tough to find doctors that want to see you. Health insurance for retired people (Medicare) doesn’t pay for Benzodiazepines because they cause falls in the elderly population. Some disabled people get the later if they worked long enough to qualify for regular social security.
It depends. I just asked and he gave me 90 days be plus multiple refills

While people react differently Xanax scared the shit out of me. I would never touch the stuff again. I have a friend who got off Xanax and also heroin...Xanax was way harder to abstain from

It is noteworthy though to not buy them on the darkweb. Fentanyl is now tainting that stuff

This is really awful advice. Guy doesn’t really have a drinking problem and just wants to cut back and your suggestion is to take BENZOS instead??? If you need something to have in your hands at parties just get some flavored water or seltzer or something!
I'm not claiming it is universal advice and I think a lot of the other advice people are giving could be better for him.

On the other hand I think he should know that a 1-1 pharmacological substitute is available.

Suggesting benzos is dangerous advice
Taking them every day is dangerous in terms of: (1) risk of addiction, (2) risk of falls, (3) long term suppression of memory formation. Talk to somebody who uses long-acting BZs and you'll probably notice that they have the same conversation with you that they had 10 years ago. Antidepressants are the first-line choice of anxiety disorders because they don't get in the way of people finding solutions to their problems the way long-acting BZs do.

It's like alcohol though. Chronic use of alcohol will really destroy you, faster than chronic BZ use. Taking a Xanax on the weekend occasionally won't wreck your life and could be safer than drinking.

Conversation with doctor "hey I'd like to cut down drinking by replacing it with benzos, can you write me a script"

And going the darkweb route is a nonstarter due to fentanyl being found in a variety of Xanax

Or you can use a friend I do they have a legit prescription

Is it fun though? Won’t you be super low energy
LOL, that's plenty of information, but perhaps not what the OP was looking for.

"what can I do instead of drinking"

Well, there's dope, poppers, E, heroin, meth, crack, benzos, coke ...

LOL

WATCH OUT. Xanax is very addictive and should not be taken recreationally.
(comment deleted)
Go to sleep early and enjoy having the whole Saturday and Sunday for outdoor activities
This. Bonus points for hitting the outdoors with friends. Deep talks don’t happen drunk, but sober and walking/hiking. Drunk “deep talk” is mostly previously suppressed feelings (learn to express them sober) and kitchen sink philosophy.

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. — Benjamin Franklin

Books - Alcohol Explained by William Porter - The unexpected joy of a sober life (forgot the author’s name, but she is a great writer)

I went from moderate (weekends, social, never alone) drinking to _zero_ drinking for about five years. This was during peak "social" life of after university and before marriage.

I did the exact same things I used to do except with no alcohol: bars, clubs, parties, whatever.

The toughest thing was realizing how...boring...some of these activities can be. There is, by default, an enormous amount of "down time" at a bar or club or young person's party; down time that people tend to fill by going to the bar for a drink, or sipping on a cocktail, or eventually by being drunk and letting the time pass.

The second toughest thing was realizing how irritating drunk people (and yes, this includes your friends) can be when you're sober.

But I stuck with it, and after a few months I learned different strategies for enjoying a night out--usually revolving around talking to other sober people, or dancing--and my life is much better for it.

Lastly, in my experience i didn't feel the full mental benefits of no alcohol until after about four or six months without a drop.

Working in a bar is a great way to understand how annoying drunk people are.
Great comment, especially last sentence - no mental benefits of being sober in a short run. You can even start to think on 3rd month - why I did so if nothing changed? But after 6 months you will feel much, much better, I can confirm this and I heard this opinion few times from quitters.

Some people might expect enlightenment after week of sober life. Never understand why, if alcohol require years to turn you to an alcoholic, how you can back to normal life in a week time?

6 months feels like confirmation bias “I feel good today, it must be because of quitting 6 months ago”, assuming these people weren’t debilitated alcoholics it seems like they probably can’t remember that far back
It sounds about right here. I thought I had lifelong depression/anxiety, but it disappeared totally around 6 months of being sober.
Also agree with the last part. I stopped drinking pretty much at the start of the pandemic, so two years in now. I noticed some differences after about two weeks, others after a month or so, but the took about 6-8 months before the full effects came in. One key change for me was the after 6-8 months, at about that point I stopped even thinking of drinking. It no longer took up any mental space and energy.
> Lastly, in my experience i didn't feel the full mental benefits of no alcohol until after about four or six months without a drop.

Is that really a thing even for moderate or very moderate drinkers (like, 4-5 glasses of wine per month)? Do you really feel mental benefits from being totally sober? What kind of benefits? Is there any study about this?

I’ve never drank alcohol other than during a 1-year period 10+ years ago, when I tried to get into it at the urging of friends (it didn’t take).

I don’t recall feeling any overall mental differences in the period where I was drinking, although I was only doing it once a week or so.

I have no idea if there are any studies. It's a very subtle difference. I would describe it as a certain... crispness.

A mild hum of well being in the back of the brain.

Like lifting the very light blanket of an endless hangover; a blanket so light you don't notice its presence, only its absence.

Of course--and as usual for this sort of thing--lots of confounding factors, N of 1, YMMV, etc etc

(comment deleted)
Well said, and what's interesting to me is that this matches my experiences quitting serious nicotine and marijuana addictions as well as alcohol.
In my humble opinion, I think 4-5 glasses of wine per month, even if you have them all in one sitting, is effectively the same as not drinking at all. From a biological perspective.

I was having two to three strong IPAs every single evening for about the last 10 years. This would give me a nice buzz but nothing close to getting drunk. I stopped completely six months ago. Since then, I've had no noticeable mental benefits to speak of, but I also wasn't experiencing any noticable negative effects beforehand. I have never had elevated liver enzymes. I am physically active and keep a healthy diet.

I decided to stop less for the health reasons but more because I was definitel psychologically super addicted. At this point in my life, I want to begin a new phase without any substances having a hold on me. Pot was a much more serious issue for me, but alcohol is objectively worse for the body so I figured I might as well let go of it too.

Overall, stopping was surprisingly easy. No withdrawals or anything like that. After two weeks I started having emotional cravings for IPAs, cause they are just so damn tasty. That, and kicking back after work with my wife and a few beers had become a very ingrained ritual. Another month from there that went away, along with any thoughts of wanting to drink, period. Going food shopping is about the only time I'm reminded that alcohol exists.

I did make the conscious choice to have a 9% 20oz IPA after about 4 months off. I was very curious about what kind of effect that would have after such a long break. It was strange. I barely felt any effect from the alcohol and got a nasty hangover the next day that lasted into the early evening. I suspected this had something to do with the hops so two weeks ago I repeated the experiment with 24 oz. of 10% Belguian sour. No hangover but still a very subdued effect from the alcohol. I guess even though my enzymes weren't elevated, there is some other mechanism that was making my liver less efficient at processing the booze when I was drinking.

Anyway, my main point is it's all a matter of habit. Unless you're well into the physical addiction phase of alcoholism, it's 100% emotional. Things were a bit easier for me in that I don't like going to bars one bit. House parties were a lot of fun in college but as an adult my social drinking would almost always involve a few friends hanging out at someone's house. Quality time with good friends if they are drinking and you're not is just as good. For those who are into the bar scene, ummm, maybe try pot? But overall, I'd say that if alcohol makes a boring activity tolerable, it obviously makes sense to do something that you actually enjoy instead.

For all of you wanting to stop drinking, just give it a go. It may take a month or two to delete the habit, but it will happen.

What do you drink in the evening in order to stay hydrated instead (i.e. plain water, iced tea, soda)? I tried kombucha for a short period but started experiencing joint pain (which miraculously vanished when I stopped drinking that.)
I found sparkling water to be an amazing substitute to curb my drinking, because what I usually actually wanted was just something cold, bubbly, and tasty. Like Perrier or La Croix.
Same thing happens to me when I take a long time off. The alcohol doesn’t really affect me, it’s just like a dullness. And then I always feel subpar the next day. Such a waste.
Try marijuana edibles. You don't have to smoke marijuana. It's plenty potent in edible form.
How about rather instead of suggesting OP lean on a different substance for finding meaning and enjoyment in their free time, we offer suggestions for what a substance-free weekend might look like?
OP doesn't have a substance abuse problem. OP enjoyed his substance of choice for a decade, with friends and responsibly. How is recommending the nearest possible replacement, marijuana, not a good solution?

Perhaps you should question yourself for bias against the substances being discussed, unless you wish to admit the obvious, i.e. that you have questionable reading skills. OP does not have a substance abuse problem. Billions of people across the planet use alcohol, marijuana and any number of other substances to achieve precisely the same thing that he is seeking to achieve, and they do so successfully and with aplomb.

We are the most fantastic machines in the known universe. We are electrical, we are chemical, we are mechanical, we are magical. And we are what? To not use what we have? To not explore who we are? To be sober? That would tempt Gott with boredom. Worse: He might smite you for being so square.

I'm gunna use what I got.

“Who of us is to say that the goal of this life is not in the leaving it?” —Vladimir Nabakov.

</soapbox> with my apology.

> We are the most fantastic machines in the known universe. We are electrical, we are chemical, we are mechanical, we are magical.

Yes! I agree wholeheartedly. What the human mind and body can do is monumental and incredible. The depth and breadth of experience we are capable of is truly mystical.

It is this very capacity for near-magical experience that has me very wary of casual use of mind-altering drugs of any sort. I look through the comments on this thread and am horrified by the number of people who think that the highest form of human socialization and relaxation is achieved only through an altered state of consciousness. That to really live, we have to take a substance that changes how we live. The sense seems to be not that the human mind is capable of incredible feats in its own right, but that the human mind is mostly a great conduit for externally-injected meaning and value. It is this perception that concerns me.

I'm a very big fan of good alcohol-free beer. There are some good ones, here in Europe at least. 7% of the beer sold in the Netherlands is alcohol-free based on recent reports last year. The cheap stuff in the states tastes silly, but if you can find a good brewery that makes it, I recommend as an alternative.
Here in the UK all too many of them taste like Horlicks (i.e., very malty), but I'd recommend Adnams Ghost Ship alcohol free[0]. There are one or two others that are palatable, but I'm struggling to remember their names: I had one last Friday that I thought was good so if I remember I'll post the name here.

One slightly annoying side effect is that I find non-alcoholic beers tend to make me very bloated/gassy/windy. I do not love this, and I don't get this problem with alcoholic beers, or at least nowhere near as badly.

(Btw, I will say in my group of friends, nobody seriously questions it if somebody is choosing not to drink alcohol, even though many of us do. Still, even amongst the drinkers, there are plenty of occasions where they might choose non-alcoholic options.)

[0] Which is actually 0.5% abv, I think, but I worked out you'd have to drink 15 or 20 pints of it in a fairly short period of time to be over the limit for driving which... well, it's not at all feasible for me.

I find that a strong IPA that has no more than 0.3% alcohol really does a good job of filling the void.
This is a still secret for me - how to enjoy alcohol-free beer. Even its sizes - 0.33ml - told what you might not need more.

Are there any advice on particular brand to try? Alcohol free Moretti is nice for my taste, but all other lager non-alco is frustrating.

Go for strong, dark beer flavors like IPA that happen to just be 0.5% alcohol or less, which qualifies as alcohol-free. I could recommend some Dutch regional brands but even within the Netherlands they are not available too far beyond the places where they are brewed.
Wieckse witte is a Belgian white beer that tastes just as good with or without alcohol. For the past few years I've been drinking more of that than any other beer with alcohol. Friends of mine enjoy NA IPA, but that is to bitter to my taste
You might try Störtebeker Atlantik Ale alcohol free. It’s from Germany and tastes basically like a normal beer.
Taking a sauna makes me so relaxed that alcohol is really unappealing for hours after the sauna.