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Ask HN: Internet / Mobile addiction is destroying me

21 points by throwaway638494 ↗ HN
I'm addicted to my phone. I will say it goes beyond that, what I'm actually addicted to is getting bombarded with information all the time.

I don't spend time on social media apps but I spend insane amounts either googling things to understand them at a surface level, reading HN, or listening to audiobooks / podcasts. I also spend more time than I should on chat apps.

My brain seeks constant stimulation. I just can't stop. I can't even take a walk or do the dishes without listening to something. Even worse, I can't get stimulated enough by just interacting with my young child.

I would rather be acquiring knowledge at a deep level by reading challenging books like textbooks or by creating something. Or connecting deeply with other humans and nature.

To make things worse I'm an iOS developer. And while at work I don't browse because I'm stimulated enough. Outside work though… I just can't stop. I even fall asleep listening to audiobooks. I tried to stop but I can't. Phones became too necessary. What can I do? I despise myself because I know I'm wasting my life. I'm literately missing out on a fulfilling life with depth by living like this.

13 comments

[ 3.2 ms ] story [ 38.0 ms ] thread
giuliomagnifico
You’re not alone… I would start by removing all the notifications and subscriptions that aren’t indispensable. But there’s no cut off solutions, you can only start by reduce the stimulus by removing apps, leave the phone locked/at home/etc.. But don’t use drastic solutions, they will work only at the beginning, then you will fall again.
frontman1988
I would say go for therapy given you seem to be in an advanced stage of addiction.
sovok_x
Yeah, it's difficult for non-specialist in psychology that isn't dedicated to do major soul-search and change their entire life to do something here. It's better to have a guidance of gestalt psychologist or so, they can try to figure out the underlying problem and make a proper personalized plan to fix this. Even if such advice seems kind of demeaning on surface, it's not, and it's definitely better than trying to blindly solve it by yourself or using superficial measures.
cpach
I second this.

It could be ADHD, but only a certified professional can diagnose it.

Meditation can also help, but it’s not generally a substitute for clinical help.

Cr0s
When my mind starts craving stimulation to a level it becomes disruptive I find reading a book helps quite a lot. Not a textbook, just a normal story that i read without having to think much. Feels like it grounds my mind so to speak.
A3mercury
Everyone couple of months I do a “purge” of my social media. I just delete the apps from my phone for a few days or a week. I have no set schedule for doing it but I know I need it when I’m angrily on twitter or Reddit most of my workday.
aristofun
Check out work of Gabor Mate on adhd for a starter.

Besides that, addiction is always the symptom, not the cause.

You’ll never get sustainable results addressing the symptoms, without curing the deeper reasons. Just saying.

thebrowncat
Get curious about your thoughts and all the crap going on in your mind. Learn about mindfulness meditation and make it a habit.
anon2020dot00
Some people will immediately say that this is due to a chemical imbalance or ADHD and recommend medication; I think medication is only proper as a last resort.

My take is that it is not abnormal to be easily bored. Almost everyone gets bored easily and that's why school is often boring but watching a movie is not. That's why work is work because it is not stimulating but boring. If work was stimulating then no one would play video games for fun and we would instead just work all the time for fun.

Not a medical expert but the basic explanation is that our minds crave novelty and when it does find novelty it releases dopamine which feels good and helps us focus.

Most people just employ tactics to get into the zone to be able to do work. Some tactics that I use and which might also work for you are: Listening to pop music (but on low volume so not to be overwhelming); Doing Mindfulness meditation (taking 10 to 20 minutes to focus on a neutral object but I like my neutral object to be something that I hold in my hand and makes a sound); Reading a book or a comic book (less stimulating than a video); Watching video but it is muted (so as to be less stimulating); Taking handwritten notes or using a whiteboard like in https://sketch.diagrams.net/.

pizza
What’s happening is that you’re entering a flow state, albeit one that is distressing you.

You need to jam the flow. And jam it frequently, bc most likely if you take a 5 minute break you will gravitate back towards an LCD screen again.

Look up the prerequisites of a flow state- a task that is at the sweet spot of difficulty and novelty. Another way to think about it is a flow is a very high bandwidth (in an information theoretic sense) experience. Tells you what you need to do: live via non-digital, high-bandwidth experiences!

Challenge yourself! Do something semi structured yet semi scary- dance classes? Public speaking? Something where to do it right, you need to be processing more life ‘data’ than sitting in front of the screen

Also watch the movie Ikiru - it is a classic, extremely moving, and very intelligent movie from the 1950s. The main character is a man who realizes one day that he has not been really living - but then, he really manages to change his life quickly, and he manages to live. May be some real and recognizable inspiration and beauty in it for you :)

pizza
Also learn to love to stare at the ceiling for 10 minutes multiple times every day.. Once you do that, you’ll realize maybe a lot of this need for external stimuli is a way to skip thinking about what you may need to really think about in your life.
blankton
I recognice myself in this description albeit only partly. Luckily I became aware early on. I force myself to give up things from time to time. Right now youtube is completly blocked from my phone. In the morning I take time to read and pray. I dont have kids, that makes it a lot easier. Cant give you a good advice, just wanted to say you are not the only one in this struggle.
murm
I've found that for me the only way to get rid of this kind of addiction is to make it impossible to engage. Any "softer" approaches will eventually fail.

I had a bad habit of checking all kinds of unimportant stuff in bed just before going to sleep but then I got rid of the smartphone and bought a dumb phone. I don't really long for that habit anymore because it's simply not possible to engage in. The withdrawal feels harsh at first but you can just soldier through it and eventually it gets easier.