"The Paleolithic diet is well known in the literature to be a clear replicate of our ancestors' diet."
I notice you've not provided any references for this statement. The so-called palaeolithic diet is hotly debated, regarding both what it consisted of, and whether it would be beneficial.
The terse, almost glib way you've skated around this highly provocative topic significantly damages any confidence I have in what you've written. Also, the way you've started this article with a list of people who you say have reviewed your work is a red flag. Referencing Wikipedia is another.
I'm unclear what you're trying to do. You're emulating an academic writing style, but there is a lot of odd grammar and paraphrasing others instead of directly quoting them.
You may be onto something, but I really can't tell because I can't get past these issues.
Think about your audience, and find a domain-relevant editor.
Great feedback! I will def look more into the Palaeolithic diet, I also saw a source in Africa, where they consumed legumes during the supposed paleo era. Great point!
So I tried to follow a laidback, non-academic style of writing aimed towards the average person who may not be academically inclined (I dropped out of uni, I'm not even academically inclined lets be real here). So I tried to make it more like a blog post style WITH some form of referencing. However it has come to my attention that it's still to academical for non-academical readers...
Also will def fix the rephrasing and go more with quotes!
Thanks for taking the time reading and giving great feedback!
3 comments
[ 3.8 ms ] story [ 13.8 ms ] threadI notice you've not provided any references for this statement. The so-called palaeolithic diet is hotly debated, regarding both what it consisted of, and whether it would be beneficial.
The terse, almost glib way you've skated around this highly provocative topic significantly damages any confidence I have in what you've written. Also, the way you've started this article with a list of people who you say have reviewed your work is a red flag. Referencing Wikipedia is another.
I'm unclear what you're trying to do. You're emulating an academic writing style, but there is a lot of odd grammar and paraphrasing others instead of directly quoting them.
You may be onto something, but I really can't tell because I can't get past these issues.
Think about your audience, and find a domain-relevant editor.
Good luck!
So I tried to follow a laidback, non-academic style of writing aimed towards the average person who may not be academically inclined (I dropped out of uni, I'm not even academically inclined lets be real here). So I tried to make it more like a blog post style WITH some form of referencing. However it has come to my attention that it's still to academical for non-academical readers...
Also will def fix the rephrasing and go more with quotes!
Thanks for taking the time reading and giving great feedback!