Ask HN: How do a prepare mentally for war?

48 points by kypro ↗ HN
I've seen some posts here about preparing for a nuclear attack, but I don't think I'm prepared mentally for war of any kind.

I grew up in the UK during the 90s so I've obviously had a very sheltered life. The two most difficult things I've ever gone through is losing a job and having my heart broken. If nuclear war happened, assuming I survived I'm not sure I'd be able to cope with the real suffering that would follow. I'm also not sure how I'd cope if I was drafted into a more conventional war. The idea of being cold, dump, tried and hungry for weeks on end seems unbearable to me. I also have no idea how I'd cope without seeing my partner for what could be months not knowing if she's safe, or even still alive.

I'm terrified that the world I was raised for will not be my future. I am scared and I've not been able to focus on anything else since this conflict started. I don't know how to mentally prepare myself for what might come and I'm not the kind of person who can just switch off and distract themselves at times like this.

Is there anything I can do to better prepare myself mentally for what might come?

88 comments

[ 3.1 ms ] story [ 167 ms ] thread
More likely too late but I would just hang out here and absorb as much knowledge as possible.

https://www.reddit.com/r/preppers/

Aren't those people more interested in tacticool knee pads rather than anything related to mental preparation?
I find when you're physically prepared for what might happen next, anxiety tends to decrease.
Unless you hyperfocus on the myriad various possibilities and get into analysis paralysis, which since this is still a vague theoretical issue in this scenario is very easy to do.
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First, take a dose of realism:

Russia is in terrible shape. Their military is a shambles, their equipment is garbage and poorly maintained, and their nuclear arsenal is just as bad. They couldn't launch most of it even if they wanted to, and would likely accidentally nuke themselves if they did.

Putin vastly overestimated his military's ability and equipment (he thought he could take Ukraine in a single day - it's been 2 weeks). Now he knows better, which is why Russia has been barking so loudly instead of acting, threatening everyone under the sun, saying "X is an act of war", "Y is an act of war" etc etc. You only bark that loud when you've got nothing to back it up.

There will be no nuclear armageddon. The Ukraine conflict will stay there, the rest of the world will funnel in arms but not soldiers, and Russia will tire herself out over the next months/years fighting an expensive insurgency just like they did in Afghanistan (except they're in even worse shape now). And America and Europe are perfectly happy with such an outcome because it's a cheap win for them, which is why they're dragging this out.

Stop worrying and get back to your life.

> Their military is a shambles, their equipment is garbage and poorly maintained

I’m not sure how much that is the case and how much of the current ineffectiveness is the fact that they have woefully inadequate logistical support for meaningful operations (anything beyond a short distance from railheads), but either way the effect for an operation like the one in Ukraine is the same—a lot of paper (or parade) strength, but much less practical strength.

Exactly. While it's good to prepare mentally for the future, it's seems like the real problem is that the threat has been blown away out of porportion: The war escalating out of Ukraine, nuclear weapons being deployed, someone roughly in their thirties being drafted. None of that is a given, and some of it is highly unlikely. OP might want to limit how much news they're taking in, or change sources to something less sensational.
Thanks for this. Helped me a lot to calm down a bit.
I don't think I'm prepared mentally for war

With rare exceptions I would be surprised if most claiming to be mentally prepared for war are telling the truth in my opinion. Exceptions being the few that live for combat. For some drugs and alcohol become coping mechanisms via escapism. For some prepping gives the mind a feeling of accomplishment.

One might find a pinch of solace in talking to or training with friends that have combat experience. So maybe that's one possible answer. See if you have any war veterans in your circle of friends that you can talk to. If nothing else they might help you eliminate unknowns and help you determine what you have some control over and what measures might give you a small advantage over others and help provide some grounding in reality.

Seriously.

Really, the only way you're going to be prepared for war is by joining the armed forces and working your way up, getting more training along the way. And that will take years.

And that will take years.

Agreed but I am not going to suggest to people to get into combat if that is not their thing. I still think the next best thing would be to talk to experienced people as part of stress is worrying about the unknown unknowns. Talking to someone can at least limit their worries to the known unknowns. But you are right, talking to someone may give them a pinch of solace rather than full combat readiness.

While nobody knows for sure what the future holds, both nuclear war and a draft in the UK seem highly unlikely
I believe people often find strength they didn't know they had in such occassions. So far, you've never really been tested so you don't know what you're capable of.

In truly dire circumstances, the motivation to survive another day, month, year till the war ends carries people through. I believe the fact that things that really matter (i.e. your life, life of loved ones) and for once at stake and not just BS distractions like jobs or money really kicks up the motivation.

Nuclear holocaust is probably different because there's nothing to look forward to, but that's a very unlikely scenario (and, even if it happens, you're likely to be among the quick casualties anyway).

There's a saying in the US military: "Embrace the suck". Sometimes, life sucks. Deal with it. Perhaps not the best for long-term mental health, but definitely a viable mental survival strategy.

I'm not prepared either, but I had a much less sheltered childhood, so I hope the shock would be lessened for me.

I also like "semper gumby" meaning "always flexible"
To be really prepared for a war, not just having a shelter full of supplies and weapons, means one has already experienced a war, which often changes people's life for the worst. So I'm not sure I would want to be prepared.
This is not helping anyone who wants to prepare.
Knowing that something can be a lot harder than expected usually helps a lot.
No, it just makes people feel like no preparation will help and then they'll do nothing - while in fact they can do a lot of things to be prepared.

For example:

- Learning basics of emergency medical help

- Putting together a basic "evacuation bag"

- Finding out where are the nearest emergency shelters

- Buying stuff like flashlights, batteries, powerbanks

Remind me to find a different emergency shelter to you!
We aren't disagreeing, just seeing the issue from different perspectives; you talk about logistics while I meant psychology.
Focus on taking care of things that you can control and learn to let go of everything else. Everybody's gotta die sometime.
> If nuclear war happened, assuming I survived I'm not sure I'd be able to cope with the real suffering that would follow.

Humans are very adaptable. You have no idea what you're capable of (and hopefully you won't find out) but I expect you'd surprise yourself.

I don't think there's any point in trying to prepare nor do I think we'll see a world war anytime soon much less a nuclear war.

> I am scared and I've not been able to focus on anything else since this conflict started.

Go for a run. Read a book. Stop reading the news for a day.

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I wrote a meditation course based on the practices which kept me sane (ish) when I was working intensely on nuclear terrorism, worst case scenario pandemics and similar cheerful topics.

http://files.howtolivewiki.com/.meditation_2015/transcripts/...

Worth noting it’s drawn from Hindu rather than Buddhist sources, so it assumes that life can be good and humanity is not inherently flawed. Meditation gets a bad rep because the underlying Buddhist superstructure often puts people off, but different traditions use similar techniques in different ways.

Realize that right now, everyone is telling ghost stories.

It will. Not. Happen.

Russia has lost the war already, due to their logistical failure. There is no recovery.

Putin has no choice but to stop. He can’t escalate because it wouldn’t make any progress.

You need to snap out of it for your own well being. Consider this some tough love.

Here’s what’s going to happen. In two months, news will fade, or have faded. In six months, people will occasionally reference the war.

In one year, you’ll realize that right now, we all sound as foolish as those people who tried to buy 500 rolls of toilet paper during peak covid. As if we couldn’t wash ourselves in the shower if worse came to worst.

The flip side of it is, nothing you do to prepare will matter if it happens. Which it won’t. So close Orange Website and play a game, read a book, write some music, get drunk, or just watch Netflix. You know, the standard weekend stuff.

That’s how to prepare for ww3. I doubt there’s a more optimal strategy for the non ultra wealthy.

> Russia has lost the war already, due to their logistical failure.

While true, I don't think this reduces the danger of a nuclear attack, especially given the way Putin has escalated WMD (both nuclear and bioweapons) propaganda against (in both cases) the US and Ukraine in the last couple days.

All signs are that Russia will, in the space of a few weeks of this war, see greater damage in blood and treasure than the USSR endured in a decade in Afghanistan. This is unprecedented territory in terms of cornered, desperate leadership in a major nuclear power, and without the kind of drip-drip decentralization that had preceded (and provided alternate powerbases during) the terminal period of the USSR.

> There is one key difference: people were mistaken about the war.

That was a obvious to a lot of us in advance. But, even so, they has a much better case than you do for “nuclear war won't happen”.

“Putin is defeated in the conventional war and has no realistic path to victory” is a reasonable, if slightly overcertain, take.

But it doesn't even begin to support “and, so, he won't use nukes.”

Please do not make personal attacks. You know that's not ok here.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

I know this is hard to believe, but I was being genuine. That is actually how I talk in real life. I really do think it would be cute if he had a French accent. I like our interactions.

You’ve always misread me, and all I can do is shrug and say okay.

It probably looked like an attack since you have to fend them off all day. But if you re-read, this time as an exchange between colleagues, I think you’ll agree it was just ascii being a very bad medium of conveying intonation.

(For reference, at one point Jacques and I were exchanging numbers back in 2016, when my life was full of doom. I hope he feels as warmly towards me as I do to him.)

I would like to take this opportunity to say that — if you’ll spare just a moment for me — perhaps you’ve assigned negative traits to a lot of my actions. And that maybe I am not so bad, and perhaps now that I’ve recovered from my medical issue, you’d like some more Emacs tooling. Or, we could just respect each other from afar and leave it at that.

(I appreciate you keeping me in check, though. Be sure to ask me in the future if you do notice bad behavior. I’ll listen carefully.)

> The same stuff was said about invasion in Ukraine not 14 days ago and look where we are now.

14 days ago (and before) there were plenty of highly credible people saying that the invasion of Ukraine was very likely. It didn't really take anyone who was paying close attention by surprise.

Precisely, but those weren't the people on HN telling us Russia wouldn't invade. So here we are again: 'this war is already over'. I can't believe I'm reading this, I'm sure the Ukraine high command would roll right over if they were told that they are fighting a war that is already over and done with, that any chance of escalation is now off the table and we can start rebuilding. /s

You really can't make this stuff up. Sure, let's not panic. But there is serious potential for escalation especially because Russia is losing, on the battleground, in the public eye and even within Russia itself, it doesn't take a genius to figure that one out.

It’s over in the same sense that WW2 was over for Japan after losing Midway. That’s not to say they’ve surrendered yet. All Ukraine needs to do is continue picking off Russian supply convoys, as they’ve been doing. Russia can’t do a thing.

Now, I probably come off as an arrogant American, since I am not the one whose bottom is at risk of being nuked. But the way I see it, Putin literally can’t attempt to use nukes without being killed. There are limits to one man’s power. If the Russians felt they were at risk, the way they were during the Cold War, then yes. But not now.

I am sorry if this idea offends you for some reason, but we all have our perspectives. I hear yours, that Russia is somehow going to interrupt the lives of the average Londoner, and it seems the odds of going out in a car crash is much higher. How do you suggest we resolve this disparity?

Why pull down your pants when the ford is still far away? You being drafted is extremely unlikely... however, if you want to be mentally prepared, consider this the preparation. You feel anxious (me too). In a few days, we will get used to it. And when something even tougher comes, we will get used to it too. You are already a lot tougher than you were two years ago - you just survived global pandemic.

It often helps to do something with others instead of worrying at home. Any chance there is some refugee center close to where you live where you could help Ukrainians or someone?

You need a punch to your face -- reading books isn't going to help.

My advice to you: don't try to prepare. You'd have to kill and overcome the man you are now. You don't need to be Rambo. You can be the bloated corpse floating in the pond just as well. The universe won't care if you extended your life for a few measly years. Relax, watch some TV and drink some soda pop. Contine tuning out reality as you've been doing your whole life.

This is probably the meanest thing I've ever read on HN.
What's mean about it? Do you think the potential war he wishes to prepare for is more or less uncomfortable than this comment?
I think the "you need a punch to your face", taken out of context, reads like "I want to" do that. I think you were making a different point than that, but it wasn't clear. The burden is on the commenter to disambiguate such things, because otherwise the default interpretation is going to take over the thread. See https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=false&so... for past posts on this point.

Also https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html.

Yeah, I meant it in the sense of "You need to experience violent situations in order to prepare for a violent environment." Furthermore, by "tuning out reality," I meant "ignoring the violent undercurrent of all human affairs by escaping into domestic tranquility."

Hope that clears things up.

I'm from a region close to the conflict, that's been mentioned a few times in recent headlines. Before all this, I was sure I'd flee at the first sign of trouble; get my family and just move somewhere West. Now, as the conflict progresses, and I feel my way of life attacked, I feel a certain flame inside that I've never felt and not sure where it came from. My plan has since updated to:

- Get up to speed with my fitness as I've been slacking for almost a decade; already started morning / evening routine. Nothing fancy, just getting some strenght, mobility and endurance back;

- Fully check-up my car and keep it loaded, spacious and ready to go; also would have some survival gear inside the trunk; I already have thermal blankets and gear that helps me camp for a week. So that should help. It's also tightly packed;

- Use a spare apartment I have a storage for non-perishable food, hygiene necessities and what you might call a prep kit. Some iodine tablets, medicine, band aids etc;

- Stock up my grandparent's house in the country side;

The moment shit hits the fan, I plan to:

- Jump in car, fill it with family, and do some back and forths (if petrol allows) to get everyone as far away as possible;

- Get back and join an armed paramilitary group;

- Die for my family, friends and western ideals without thinking twice about it.

This is of course speculative and I might crawl into a ball and get shelled to oblivion but I've never thought myself of having these thoughts, especially with my nihilistic mindset. I've never for a second thought about my nation, or dying for my leaders, they can all go to hell, but imagining my family going through a humanitarian crisis... just fills me with a resolve and sense of pre-determination that I'm not sure how it would translate, but god damn it I feel like I'd be a vicious beast towards an attacker, war crimes be damned.

If you jump in the car, you're going to get stuck in traffic immediately.
This really depends on the road system, I am somewhat confident that I can get to the countryside on some alternative routes that I know from when I was younger, and it's perpendicular to the direction everyone would be fleeing (I assume). As with any plan, it's good to have it, but they seldom survive contact with reality, so it's important to be able to adapt and improvise.

There's also maybe a difference in culture, and family structure; we're pretty close in these here parts when push comes to shove so we can have a powerful network effect going. I can't speak for everyone, but there are a couple of people I know I could reasonably coordinate with to get as many loved ones as possible to safety, and we're already drafting out some lightweight plans.

Maybe less so if prepared and preempt the hoards getting in their cars. Almost anyone else is going to be indecisive, packing their car, going via the shops.

An example was when the pandemic first hit the news in China. Colleague and I were talking about what would happen in Australia. As a result, we both stocked up on non-perishables. A month or two later, the supermarkets were bombarded and shelves were bare.

A stocked car and backpacks that could go in the car or with you on foot covers two reasonable options at minimal expense/waste. Worst case, it's easier to go camping.

> Before all this, I was sure I'd flee at the first sign of trouble; get my family and just move somewhere West. Now, as the conflict progresses, and I feel my way of life attacked, I feel a certain flame inside that I've never felt and not sure where it came from.

You are not alone.

> Before all this, I was sure I'd flee at the first sign of trouble; get my family and just move somewhere West. Now, as the conflict progresses, and I feel my way of life attacked, I feel a certain flame inside that I've never felt and not sure where it came from.

100% the same here. I went from "I'd be the first one to run away" to "I'd volunteer to fight for Ukraine" in a heartbeat. I credit Zelensky for it. My own politicians are weak and would have fled to Canada in a heartbeat, just like they did in WW2. But a leader that stays on the frontline and rallies the troops is such a powerful thing that it even has an effect on me. And its not just me, tens of thousands of foreigners are signing up to volunteer for defending ukrain. Apparently it has an impact.

You realize most of what you perceive regarding Ukraine is manufactured psyops? Zelensky is a construct, propped up by far more powerful interests in the shadows, one of which is the oligarch Kolomoisky. All it takes is digging for 20 minutes (OSINT) to see through the superficial narratives that are being blasted to the masses.
Whatever narrative you're talking about doesn't change the highly documented fact that the common man's life in Kyiv and elsewhere is getting destroyed by Russian shelling, which I believe is sufficient for the actions and impulses of the comment you're responding to.
It must be a deep part of human nature. In my early 20s, my friends and I were anti-war, anti-authority, somewhat nihilistic. On 9/11 we instantaneously felt a drive to get involved. Talk of enlisting etc. Weirdly, I simultaneously held the belief that Bush & friends would use it as a pretext to overreach, along with the primal drive to join in. It wore off, along with that momentary sense of national unity. But if buildings kept exploding, no doubt that feeling would have only become stronger.
> Talk of enlisting etc.

This is the only thing we all agree on. No enlisting for us. There hasn't been a single moment in our existence when our government has inspired us, and we don't plan to die for their ideals.

> no doubt that feeling would have only become stronger.

I saw a movie yesterday, the police in my country shared it. A little refugee girl at the border; it was her birthday, and all the personnel sang her happy birthday and she seemed so happy. I almost lost it, even now writing about it. Not even my children and they seem so important to protect at the moment that it really feels like nothing else comes quite close in terms of importance.

When a nuclear bomb hits, if you survive, stay in your house for at least 24 hours. Houses are great to protect you from fallout. Seal the windows best you can. Do not run outside, drive around, etc. If you are able, stay inside for 5 weeks. Take iodine tablets. If you must travel for supplies wear a p100 mask and throw away your clothes once back inside.

Where will the bombs hit? Military targets. See map:

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e5/U.S._Mil...

FYI Russia have 5k active warheads.

"More than half the total bomb debris lands on the ground within about 24 hours as local fallout.[9]"

"Fallout radiation decays relatively quickly with time. Most areas become fairly safe for travel and decontamination after three to five weeks.[13]"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuclear_fallout

In the past decade, I've been pretty interested in traveling with the distinct purpose of finding 2-3 backup countries/cities I'd feel comfortable migrating to. Instead of traveling to the over touristed cities doing touristy things that everyone else goes to, for me it's more fun to visit 2-3 serious countries that I could conceivable migrate to if the stuff hit the fan in the current country. Like what's the restaurant scene like, how are the schools, would my kids feel at home, what would emigration look like, what are the country's policies, etc.
Hey! We’re probably the same age and grew up in the same country.

I went to a military boarding school and while I never took up my place at office training I had a glimpse at what being cold, wet, tired and hungry all while having a rifle to hold and an “enemy” to scout.

You’re right, it’s absolutely horrible (even without fearing for your life) but you’d be amazed what you’re able to deal with and accomplish when you have no choice.

The instinct to survive is enormous and you’re seeing this right now in the Ukrainian people - you think they were ready for this?

Of course they weren’t, but they are pulling together, drawing strength from community, history, patriotism and dealing with what’s in front of them as best they can.

If the same happens to us (and if the UK government is drafting people then it’ll be such a dire situation that your life will already look unrecognisable) then we too will find the strength in the same things and you’ll work it out.

Honestly though, I doubt it will come to that. This is far from over but it’s a long way still to air raid sirens in the midlands and us getting shipped off to fight.

If you’re out of shape though, start running - build up slow if you’re really out of shape so you don’t get injured but being able to run and have stamina is one thing that can make a huge difference in your performance if needs be. You’ll also get used to doing things that aren’t nice or comfortable.

Join the army, I’d imagine they’d have a few tricks to get you ready.

Even then I’d say many people aren’t ready.

> I'm terrified that the world I was raised for will not be my future. I am scared and I've not been able to focus on anything else since this conflict started.

Paying attention to the warfront is not a bad idea. Letting it consume your attention is a different matter altogether. Folks had to learn an entirely new way of living -- and part of staying mentally healthy is focusing on healthy activities. So, perhaps you've got experience with that. Apply it here. Limit your time consuming news. Find something productive to do. Put your phone in the microwave if you need help with that discipline. Go outside, ride a bike or something.

If there is a war, maintaining some mental discipline will be absolutely necessary to stay okay. It won't be business as usual, but cling to any reasonable sense of normalcy that you can find. You still need to eat, sleep, and find ways of entertaining yourself. Even the kids who survived WWII played games.

If nuclear war happened there probably wouldn't be a government to draft you. And I don't think you have to fear being drafted into a conventional one considering the power of NATO.

Also, as far as nuclear strikes go, I thought this video was a bit informative:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ox8ZDbCNTCE

Go to the park and start running. The faster you run from crazy people, the better
For me the start of getting back to normal was someone telling me, as I am telling you, that this is classic anxiety and not what you would be thinking about in a million years if you hadn't got yourself into a phase of anxiety. This isn't normal, this vision is not realistic, look into relaxation methods and anxiety remedies rather than bunker plans. The all being in your head is something you're going to reject and protest but hopefully the seed will be planted and you'll be able to start noticing other signs and eventually find relief in accepting that