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Hold up now, potatoes are starch, mashed potatoes should be (1) Toast.
I guess my "poor man's" lasagna (pour some boiled pasta/penne/fusili in the bowl, slap some grated cheese on the top, repeat until run out of pasta or cheese) is a (7) Cake then.
There is a key word of structural. Mashed potatoes don't really have a supporting structure.
Apparently I've been making mashed potatoes wrong.
The idea that we should classify food by shape is clearly erroneous. Our food classifications should be based on method of eating, not by shape! A sandwich is any food that uses a carbohydrate to protect your hands from a messier food, so that you can eat it at a card table without getting your hands dirty (a la the origin myth). Let's go through the things here:

Pizza: Yes

Sushi: Mostly no (the carbs don't protect you from the insides, the seaweed does)

Pumpkin pie: No (unless eaten with hands, without falling apart)

Quesadilla: Yes

Toast sandwich: No (inside is not messier)

Victoria sponge: No (eaten with fork)

Hot dog: Yes

Sub sandwich: Yes

Slice of pie: No (unless eaten with hands)

Falafel wrap: Yes

Pigs in a blanket: Yes

Enchilada: No (the one pictured has cheese and sauce on the outside)

Quiche: No (unless eaten with hands)

Cheesecake: No (unless eaten with hands)

Soup bowl: No (I'd love to see you try)

Falafel pita: Yes

Deep dish pizza: If eaten with hands

Salad in a bread bowl: No

Key lime pie: No (unless eaten with hands)

Calzone: Yes

Corn dog: No (if held with stick)

Pie (whole): No (good luck)

Dumplings: Yes (unless they have sauce on them)

Pop tarts: Yes

Uncrustables: Yes

This is the best and most accurate method that actually provides a strict definition that lines up with my intuitions—the cube rule is fun, but you're really gonna claim that a subway sandwich isn't a sandwich?

Big fan of this, if only because it supports the claim that a taco and a hotdog are sandwiches.

The cube rule also tells us that makizushi (probably the most popular kind of sushi here in Aus) is not sushi, which seems like a pretty big weakness.

What is makizushi? Is that some local variant of maki? Traditional maki (with seaweed on the outside) seems to be sushi indeed. California rolls though (inverted maki, rice on the outside) are arguably salads.
> A sandwich is any food that uses a carbohydrate to protect your hands from a messier food.

Open-Faced Turkey Sandwich enters the chat.

If it's so messy that you can't pick it up and eat it by the bread, it's not a sandwich—it's just some turkey on a plate with a soggy crouton beneath it.
If you rule out anything eaten with a fork, you immediately rule out open-faced sandwiches, which as far as I know, are universally referred to as open-faced sandwiches. You can pry my open-faced tuna melt on rye out of my cold dead hands.

If you commit yourself to the carbohydrate as a protector from mess, is a messy sandwich still a sandwich? What about cucumber sandwiches (not messy on the inside)?

You say a pie isn't a sandwich, but a small pie can be eaten by hand quite easily. How can the difference be just the size? What if I, with my large hands, can comfortably palm the pie and eat it like an Uncrustable, but my wife can't? Conditional sandwich? Isn't an uncrustable just a small pie.

Open-faced sandwiches are sandwiches that have been transformed. You can (in theory) refold an open-faced sandwich back into a sandwich. Just like if you split the bottom of a cupcake in half and make a sandwich[1], you still are eating a cupcake.

The pie thing is probably just a question of what kind of pie you are thinking of. Some pies are trivially to eat neatly in the hand, others are basically impossible (e.g. a cream-pie with a cookie-crumb crust).

Also, I am completely incapable of eating an in-n-out burger at a card-table without getting very messy, but my wife can eat one with a single hand while driving and not spill a single drop of spread. It seems clear that the purpose of the bun is to prevent you from getting the messier inner ingredients on your hand, so I'm okay calling it a sandwich.

1: https://www.bonappetit.com/recipes/article/turn-your-cupcake...

> open-faced sandwiches

saying an open faced sandwich is a sandwich is like saying pluto is a planet because it is a dwarf planet- wrong side of history bucko, it ceases to be a sandwich if it is to be eaten by a fork

> if I can comfortably palm the pie and eat it like an Uncrustable, but my wife can't?

if you eat something like a sandwich, then it is a sandwich to you, and if it is meant to be eaten like a sandwich, then it is a sandwich in general.

The IAU (International Appetizers Union) has ruled that open faced sandwiches are in fact dwarf sandwiches, and are therefore not true sandwiches.

A "giant sandwich" must have enough mass to be nearly spherical due to hydrostatic equilibrium. None have yet been discovered.

...you eat open faced sandwiches with a fork and knife? I usually eat them like a pizza. But yes, if you eat it with a fork and a knife, it's not a sandwich.

A messy sandwich ceases to be a sandwich as soon as it is no longer possible to eat it without your hands getting significantly less messy than if the bread weren't there. Surely no one would agree that blending a sandwich preserves its sandwichness.

A small pie is a sandwich. A large pie is not. Yes, this depends on the person; I am fine with that.

> you immediately rule out open-faced sandwiches, which as far as I know, are universally referred to as open-faced sandwiches.

I mean, the whole reason they're called "open-faced sandwiches" is to distinguish them from, you know, sandwiches, because sandwiches aren't open-faced.

> which as far as I know, are universally referred to as open-faced sandwiches

You might have overreached with "universally".

I call them "(x) on bread" - which is the logical extension of "(x) on toast" as seen in the ever popular "cheese on toast".

> cheese on toast

And if anyone claims it's an "open-faced toasted cheese sandwich" then I will not be happy.

Will you then endeavor to make them also not happy?
OP defined pizza as a sandwich. What definition could include pizza but not cheese on toast?
> If you rule out anything eaten with a fork…. You can pry my open-faced tuna melt on rye out of my cold dead hands.

Why is it in your hands and not the fork with which you’re supposed to be eating it?

>You can pry my open-faced tuna melt on rye out of my cold dead hands.

You mean pry the plate that it is on? If it were actually in your hands, you'd have a stronger case for calling it a sandwich. The mere fact it's not actually in your hands weakens your case. At least by these definitions. IANAL though ;P

>A sandwich is any food that uses a carbohydrate to protect your hands from a messier food, so that you can eat it at a card table without getting your hands dirty (a la the origin myth).

I mean legally speaking it requires bread not just a carbohydrate https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandwich#Language

>In the US, a court in Boston, Massachusetts, ruled in 2006 that a sandwich includes at least two slices of bread[1] and "under this definition, this court finds that the term 'sandwich' is not commonly understood to include burritos, tacos, and quesadillas,

I don't care a whit what the US court system considers a sandwich.
I don't think the suggestion was that the US court system's definition is supreme. I think the requirement of bread or at something starchy matches most people's intuitions for the definition of "sandwich." Is an apple (eaten whole, with your hands) a sandwich, given that apple peel contains carbohydrates?
by their definition not because the inside of the apple is not 'messy'
The stated requirement is that the inside is messier than the outside. I think that's uncontroversially true of an apple.
hmm, maybe, I think it must be a mistake though, the inside of just about everything is messier than the outside.
I'd say the inside of a rock is exactly as messy as the outside, but we can't eat rocks so that might be out of scope.
You can eat them if they're very small but you probably shouldn't.
> a sandwich includes at least two slices of bread

I guess open face sandwiches are not sandwiches.

You can tell that just by looking at them.
Strong start then you lost me by ruling out "toast sandwich".

I eat it and every atom in my body screams "this is a sandwich". I can't get past that.

To be honest, I was on the edge with this one. Maybe it is a sandwich after all; but surely three pieces of bread isn't a sandwich.
There's a get-out clause. You've overlooked the fact that toast buttered on both sides is messy...
> Our food classifications should be based on method of eating, not by shape!

I agree Euclidean geometry isn’t the key to proper classification of sandwich systems.

Rather we need to look towards physics and emergence. Sandwich emergence is the law or phenomenon that which occurs at sandwich scales (in space or time) but not at ingredients scales, despite the fact that a sandwich system can be viewed as a very large ensemble of ingredient systems.

But if you fold a sandwich in half and poke a hole in it, can you traverse space time?
Plain M&Ms: Yes (melts in your mouth, not in your hands!)

Cannoli: Yes

Jelly donut, cream-filled donut, icing-filled donut: Yes

Cupcake: Yes (assuming frosting on top)

Fish and chips: Yes (sandwich with fries on the side)

Fried okra: Yes

Mozzarella sticks: Yes

Hot dinner roll or biscuit with butter inside it: Yes

Cheese sandwich: No (unless cheese is soft, melted, or too many pieces)

> Plain M&Ms: Yes (melts in your mouth, not in your hands!)

I don't care that the chocolate doesn't melt in the hands, when the candy itself stains!

> Pie (whole): No (good luck)

NZ/Aussie Pies: Yes

These are pies you normally eat by hand. Unlike UK and rest of world pies, they have a strong base and sides so you can hold them easily while eating.

See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMYS1K6Z_eI

Pie has somewhat different meanings in different countries.

In the US pie refers almost exclusively to a desert, some sweet concoction with pastry uon one side (bottom or top) usually served as a slice of a larger pie.

In the commonwealth (UK et al) pies are more likely to be savory with pastry on all sides. Sometimes baked large, and served as a slice, (pastry on top) but that's not as common.

A "real" pie would be consumed by hand - think cornish pasties, pork pies and so on. Some supermarket / gas station pies would have very thin pastry and need a container for structure, but that's more a quality /cheapness issue than a naming problem.

Of course pie, like sandwich or salad is not a definitive term. Food terms almost never are. Taxation attempts to rigoursly categories but ultimately fails, having to arbitrarily group more precise terms together.

Just about every generic food description has this vagueness leading to this same "argument" over and over. What is "bread"?

> In the commonwealth (UK et al) pies are more likely to be savory with pastry on all sides

Well, an apple pie may not have pastry on the top (to some that is an apple tart)

A pork pie is always entirely enclosed with pastry.

Many pubs and restaurants sell meals called pies that are really just a stew with a pastry lid.

In the US pie refers almost exclusively to a desert [...]

But you see people in the US refer to pizza as a pie all the time, which considering the overall frequency (pizza seems more popular than other/actual pie, at least online) would argue against that.

As a Scandi, a sandwich is a double sandwich (since a sandwich is open-face by default). Complicated.

A lot of stuff uses carbs like this without being eaten like a sandwich.

Cream filled Donuts: Yes

Chips and Dip: Yes

Ice cream cone: Yes

Chicken Nuggets/Tenders: Yes (Depends on Breading)

Fried Shrimp: No (If using tail.)

Though it’s a little ambiguous, you can eat a properly prepared soup in bread bowl but most don’t.

> Sushi: Mostly no (the carbs don't protect you from the insides, the seaweed does)

If you wrap seaweed around a sandwich, is it no longer a sandwich?

Pay no mind to this poster. Cube rule dictates seaweed-wrapped sandwiches are sushi. This is obvious.
> Soup bowl: No (I'd love to see you try)

Grilled cheese dipped in tomato soup: Yes

Soup in sourdough bread bowl: Yes (if eaten with hands)

French onion soup: Yes (if bread dipped rather than baked under the cheese)

A sandwich is anything that implements ISandwich
Thank you for this post, but you are very wrong, and may $DEITY have mercy on your soul.
> Enchilada: No (the one pictured has cheese and sauce on the outside)

Good luck finding an enchilada without sauce on the outside.

>Pie (whole): No (good luck)

Have you seen the kind of "pie" they sell at McDonald's? Seems to qualify on either criteria. I've never eaten one, but it's on my mind because someone abandoned a box of K-cups at work that are branded "McCafe" and claim to contain "baked apple pie".

A turnover could also be considered a pie and a sandwich simultaneously. Unless you eat it with utensils.

>Dumplings

What is a dumpling to you? My definition has no filling, as in "chicken and dumplings", and is eaten with utensils.

>Soup bowl: No (I'd love to see you try)

There is a semi-fast food chain that has, or used to have "bread bowls" where they take a round loaf of bread, remove the inside, and serve soup in it. What about that?

"a toast sandwich is not a sandwich"

That should on face make you question this heuristic.

Seems kind of useless if you can’t identify whether it’s a sandwich or not until you start eating it.
We must somehow account for the feeling of food. Hot dogs don't feel like sandwhiches, they feel different. Why is that? The cube rule gives us an answer to "are hot dogs sandwhiches", but it doesn't give us an answer to "why does it seem so wrong to call hot dogs sandwhiches?"

I think we intuitively know the following:

* Subs are sandwhiches * Ice cream sandwhiches are sandwhiches, kind of (but they're not lunch). * Burritos, hot dogs, and tacos are not sandwhiches.

But can we generate a list of rules based on the qualities of the things themselves that explain this? Maybe, I don't know.

But maybe this condition isn't a consequence of the things themselves, so much as it is of our collective associations and connotations to sandwhich. Picnics, lunch, cafeterias, Subway. Mom packing our lunch box. Maybe 'sandwhich' isn't located out there, in the world, but at the intersection of many places in our minds.

Check out Prototype Theory: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prototype_theory which gives a better way to reason about these types of questions than trying to list properties. And also helps you recognize that words don't match up to classic sets—the answer to "is X a sandwich" may be yes, or no, or almost anything in between.
Reminds me of Soup-Salad-Sandwich space: http://sandwichspace.xyz/

Classifying mashed potatoes as a salad and then a salad as nachos is hilarious, but not very useful.

I find Soup-Salad-Sandwich to be a better classification, although it is also incomplete. How do you classify ice cream, sorbet, or mashed potatoes? These foods are too solid to be a soup, but they don't have any structure like a sandwich, and they are also homogeneous unlike a salad. Also kebabs.

Isn't the pumpkin pie slice an example of a missing type, that has starch on two adjacent sides of the cube?!
Rather I think Key Lime Pie is misclassified, it is just bent toast arrayed in a circle.
What would an AI come up with? something for the ingnobels, perhaps?
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Hotdog being a taco is definitely appealing, but I can't take this seriously when nigiri sushi is classed as 1/toast rather than 4/sushi.
It gets better. On the cube-rule taxonomy, steak is a kind of salad, and salad is a kind of nacho.
To be fair, only salad with croutons is-a nachos. Salad without sprinkled carbs is-a salad.
But salad with one crouton on top becomes toast.
Indeed. Sorry I missed the non-edge case.
Isn't the choice of cartesian axes creating a false distinction here? Where does a tetrahedral snack with a missing face fit?

I think a pure topological approach would be more robust. Count the holes and edges.

This is a great idea, then menus could be organised by their topological equivalences, instead of arbitrary entree, etc. So donuts and coffee would be in the one section as nature intended.
Yes but in the category of the calzones the photo of an actual calzone is missing!
What if we classify based on which direction the food can squeeze out and make a mess?

Sandwich (any direction) Burrito (depends on how well you wrap it but blow out through the backend typical) Sriracha (only into your eyes) Etc.

This is why the internet is wonderful
I find the cube rule to be naïve in its ignorance of topological spaces. A sandwich is just a cross section of mobius toast. A wrap is just toast projected onto a cylinder. A calzone is just toast projected onto a sphere. Everything is toast! Why can't people see this!

*walks off into the distance muttering obscenities*

> mobius toast

This is absurd. If you drop a slice of peanut butter mobius toast on the ground, how does it land?

What sort of toaster must I buy to take mobius bread and toast it?

I don't like the implications here, and reject all projection-based arguments. Too dangerous.

Somewhere deep underground, in a high-tech laboratory, a group of scientists lean over a slice of toast levitating in some Contact-esque structure...

"Dr Gibbons! The zero-point readings are off the scale! We've done it!"

The toast briefly flickers into a pizza, then a burrito, then back to being a piece of toast.

His brows furrow. "No. This can't be. Shut it down! Delete the files! No one can ever learn of this!"

Startup idea: Toastamak.

Breads contained by magnetic field and toasted by high energy plasma.

We'll ship the breads with QR-code DRM of course. Subscription model.

"Are you tired of waking up late? Rushing out the door without breakfast, again? Overdue for your fondue? Then you need Toastamak! Our patented quasispace manifold uses space age technology to fetch hot, fresh toast and toastlike products from the interdimensional superposition of spacetime itself. Need it yesterday? No problem! Toastamak's causality-preserving temporal inversion matrix will make ruined dinner parties a thing of the past. Literally!"

(Toastamak products contain no user servicable parts. Only to be used on bread and bread-derivatives. No warranty or liability accepted for breeding-based temporal anomalies. Fusion cells not included.)

This is the way.
When I was in grad school working on semiconductor process equipment I actually had this thought, but I was concerned about the unknown health implications of consuming food treated with plasmas of various chemical species... and graduating. In another universe, pressure cookers evolved into plasma cookers
Strapline: True fusion cuisine
Hold on, why would the toast have peanut butter on it?
Because peanut butter is the superior toast topping.
Insofar as it has been placed atop the toast in this scenario, yes. Inasmuch as it competes with butter or jam, unequivocally not.
You can use a conveyor belt style toaster to toast your mobius toast. What's even better is that you can toast it forever.
Any simply connected, closed 3-manifold is homeomorphic to a calzone...
Can't wait for more HN food hackery, this is truly repugnant, smile and wave!
I don't think this will ever end, according to the cube rule:

Pizza is toast

A stack of pancakes is toast as syrup/butter is on top

Nigiri sushi is not sushi, but is toast?

Steamed pork buns are calzone

Pita pockets are soup/salad w/ bread bowl

I love this page because it reminds me of the good parts of the "Web 1.0".

- Full of content.

- Whimsical while staying on topic.

- Uses design elements freely, to best represent the content, instead of pouring the content into a design mold.

- Colorful and easy to read.

- Obviously made by a fan, for the love of the topic.

I appreciate this page quite a bit less than you because I found it absolutely unnecessary to have an entire page of blank space between items blown up so large that they cannot fit in my full-screen viewport on desktop. I tried to zoom and the page completely ignored it.

It is one of the worst perpetrators of this I have experienced on the web and a pox on anyone that ignores browser controls on their site!

I second this opinion. It looks like a bad PowerPoint presentation but neither mousewheel, arrows or page-up/down consistently jumps between pages.
Ha yeah I tried all of those too - clearly a presentation but there's no way to view it sanely!

I wonder if this is exported from some tool?

It sort of looks like a powerpoint presentation dumped to PDF. But that is not an insult - it is a very nice a fun format, ideal for the attention deficit age we live in.
Close. Except Rice is clearly a Muffin.
Given that ribose is a carb inside larger non-carb structures such as RNA, it makes our genetic code, and us humans as a whole, a nacho by the cube rule. I'm ok with it.
I used to go very deep on philosophical discussions about the nature of sandwiches with my friends. I’m still digesting the cube rule, but here’s what we came up with:

Every sandwich has an axis. The axis is through the filling. You can roughly divide all sandwiches based on whether you eat along the axis (what we called axially), or around it (what we called radially).

A burrito is consumed axially, while a crunchwrap supreme is consumed radially.

Hope this is interesting, we’ve found pretty much every sandwich can be classified as radial or axial, which seemed like an achievement.

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So what would a breaded thing count as? Like a chicken or fish stick? It wasn't "filled" in any direction. At the extreme you could have a breaded, fried donut hole - a sphere that had bread deposited onto it (i.e. the donut hole is the filling of the sandwich), no axis at any stage, and you eat it from all directions equally.
Well, I for a long time working on idea, to register AI algorithms as NFTs, which will make legally valid decisions on such questions, so human fuzziness will not affect life.
It is unnacceptable that what is preached as a universal food categorization system doesn't even attempt to categorize rice.