I decided that I must live my life on my terms
We're all going to die one day, and we don't know when that day will be. I've spent my whole life trying to find my purpose, where I was simply disappointed most of the time, and I was always looking at other people and comparing myself.
But now, I can finally say that I am slowly feeling like I am finding it with more clarity.
For that reason, as scary as it might be, I decided that I needed to stop being scared of things that weren't going to help me achieve the goals that I have set for myself.
The one is to make sure that I always focus on doing something that I love.
The second one is to enjoy the process and the journey that comes with doing what I love.
Basically, I want to grow old doing what I love, not feeling that I am working.
More specially what that means is: building solutions that solve problems (help people) and improve how things are being done (innovate).
What's that one thing for you?
222 comments
[ 3.0 ms ] story [ 230 ms ] threadThe second one is pondering the meaning of life.
“Money isn’t everything but not having it is” - Kanye
Kanye has peace of mind?
Once you cross into fame and multi million or multi billion (Kanye, Elon), that sweet spot is nothing to them. Their sweet spot is influence, impact, and the like. In their bracket I think few reached a sweet spot without tarnishing their desired presentation. Someone like Bezos is looked at as a villain, so he didn’t get it. Bill Gates is one or two allegations away from affairs and Epstein stuff being leaked. Warren Buffet is somewhat at the sweet spot but he is a much older man who doesn’t need the validation that Elon needs. In other words, their sweet spots are about as hard to hit as our sweet spots (financial well being).
I think all of the folks you mention really don't give a crap about what people think of them.
The thing is returns start diminshing faster than people realize. Once you get yourself housed, fed and clothed its much more of a hamster wheel than people are often willing to admit to themselves, at the expense of their own happiness.
It may not make sense right now, but you may spend the next decade or so chasing money to get to a point of contentment only to realize that you’re chasing after money because you think it’s going to give you peace. The turn is when you figure out money doesn’t give you peace.
Contentment, happiness are choices. They aren’t milestones that can be achieved, or goals to be met. They are choices just like choosing what color shirt to wear in the morning.
Source: myself who has been terribly poor, and eventually wealthy. I’d rather have back the lost decades of career and status chasing than any of the money I gained.
it does give me peace, it relaxes me to know my son will have food and shelter. That we'll be able to pay for learning resources and fun things. It helps to know that, if things get a bit rough, we will have some money to hold on until things get better.
It relaxes me to know that if any of us get sick, we'll be able to pay the bills... hopefully.
You're not the first person I read writing something like this on HN. I have always thought of this situation as something that only happens in movies. As someone who is going through a mid life crisis, reading what your comment breaks my heart. I miss the fun I had in my twenties and I had a lot of it. I just was not fully aware of the chance I had.
No, but you need to it to survive.
Invariably, I find the "You don't need money to be happy" crowd is nearly always people who have enough money that they don't have to worry about money.
"Being happy with what you have" only really works once a certain minimum is reached. If you never have more than one paycheck's worth of money in your account, trying to figure out how you can live off of $2/day for food, then you're going to have a hard time being happy with that.
― Bob Dylan
I aspire to this and to help others do the same.
“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.”
― Albert Camus
In the mean time, I will die a lot sooner if I do not work a job I find no fulfillment in so I can afford to survive and do the things in life I don't hate doing.
It's more than toxic, it's ailing. It's not just HN, it's the general inability of people to perceive themselves. These things are taught in the humanities, a field of study that's pretty poo-pooed in the tech world as nonsense. It's no surprise, especially when you can make such a great living targeting people in ads better, roping them into buying more useless crap by confusing their own personal philosophical journey while stumbling face-first into your own.
Everyone has to face down the abyss at some point. Usually at many points. It's interesting to hear about the 'journey' from people who've spent their careers heaving people into that abyss (metaphorically speaking, of course)...
I agree, though. If more people faced the reality that: they do not know why any of us are here, and that there is no rule that dictates tomorrow, that we didn't exist at one point and one day will die (and even further, how we figure we are at all extricable from our surroundings)... then I think people would make vastly different choices.
But credit where credit is due—that's a new one. "Targeted ads are for saving lives"
Come on, man.
edit: For the record, I've been down that road. Drowning in cynical consumerism is not only not the answer, it's actively harmful to be awash in that much vampiric information. If you found help because of a chance encounter with an ad, I'm happy for you. The universe is a crazy place and good can most certainly come from bad (and the other way around). But my god man, those are not designed to help people—they are designed to extract maximum revenue at any cost—social, personal, or otherwise.
Some people may get more joy out of crushing a new feature than taking their dad to the same old steakhouse for their birthday but that is more an issue with how Dopamine is distributed than an issues with their motivations.
I recently spent the weekend with my brother and his wife both who I love deeply. But during the weekend I felt myself wanting to play Elden Ring and dick off like I often do on the weekend instead of feeling obligated to spend time with them who I only see a few times a year. Does that mean I have some type of flaw? No. It means my reward system loves getting runes so I can level up and make progress in a game which was build specifically trigger that reaction.
But I have been alive long enough to know that prioritizing spending time with my family is actually much better for me and everyone involved in the long run than chasing the quick Dopamine hit my body wants. So I do it. We hiked, ate out, watched UNC beat Duke, and had a fantastic time and build memories that I'll cherish going forward.
Human are capable of feeling conflicting emotions and drives. It's hard, but finding which things to prioritize kinda is... living.
Don't create the world in the first place, attractive only to nihilists.
Make cruelty on the part of humans impossible, easy to do without free will or choice, now we're all p-zombies with no internal life just forever going through the motions of existence.
Make man immortal, static and unchanging. Might as well be an action figure on a shelf still sealed in the box.
The world isn't perfect, neither is man but at least there is a world and we do exist and we have a choice as to how we treat each other. Everything that happens here is of our own doing, that is both terrifying and inspiring. Just don't try to use your own failings and that of man in general as a criticism of the concept of a God, the responsibility for our actions will always lie with us.
Are you a bad parent for giving that child a toy?
God gave us His creation in a pretty nice state and we managed to corrupt it through sin, which is by definition, removing Him from His place, and going our own way instead of His.
Mosquitoes are annoying and diseases exist and bad things happen because we broke Creation. Not in the sense that we are being punished for it, but rather because we're not using it properly.
That happens in death. Until which, we are human and by extension imperfect.
Our work is important, but is not the only source of purpose, meaning, or identity.
Understanding can't just be transmitted through words, and requires introspection. Congratulations on your epiphany!
I optimize life for happiness. I try shape my life to enjoy the process like you said: good work-life balance, doing something that challenges me just enough on average, that I enjoy, with people I enjoy.
I try to bring that to my teammates and actively contribute to a culture of zest for our profession at my job. Why? You're happier when surrounded by happy people. If you're surrounded by people doing the same, it's less likely for culture to change in a negative way.
I mentor teammates and grad students. Helping others grow makes me happy, and especially during the pandemic it's been a good way to stay connected to others.
There will always be rough moments, but there's no happiness without pain. It requires constant maintenance: keep yourself healthy, your mind stimulated, your body exercised, your social skills challenged. Make time to also stop and enjoy doing nothing.
Getting into genealogy has made me realize what a small blip I am in the long stream of human endurance on this planet (and what is that compared to the age of the universe, of course?).
Being nothing has given me some comfort from the fears of death/oblivion.
So not so much a difference of perspective, but of vocabulary.
I never thought about this until some years ago, after I burnt out overworking. I think this should be more a more known fact.
More concretely I'm working towards FIRE and would like to get a dog. After that, who knows? I'll decide when I get there.
It is, but I dispute the idea that "self-indulgent" is inherently bad, as long as you're not hurting anybody.
99.99% of people are unremarkable and will be completely forgotten by everyone within 2 generations of their death. Acknowledge and accept it.
> More concretely I'm working towards FIRE
Same. Retire early, live the remainder of my life in leisure. Work on completing the massive backlog of games on Steam I've wanted to play but just don't have the time.
https://www.tiktok.com/@masood_boomgaard/video/6988551554286...
Instead of a nutrient loop that stretches across half the world (for example phosphor from Morocco to Brazil, chop down rainforest to grow soy, soy to fish feed for Norwegian salmon, dump the excess nutrients in the sea), we can create a local/regional nutrient loop, with extremely little leakage to the ecosystem.
It will look different for a smallholder in a poorer country, you have to research, but I think it did possible there too.
With this in mind, the one thing for me is peace of mind. I want to have a nice live and enjoy the world around me in a healthy way. Giving my best to ensure that it not only does apply to me, but apply to people around me.
I really do not care if this means improving a banking system do deliver better prices to clients, cooking or teaching people. If I can excel and do some good, it is valid.
That is so true.
I find it helpful to go into situations like that with the cognizance that my main reason to do extra work now are to do less work later (spending a little extra time double checking work, for example, might make you stay an hour or two later for a while, but the return comes when you spend less time fixing bugs or responding to production issues).
Not nearly as helpful to be working extra simply because a business operates as a skeleton crew, for example.
Second, I focus on two things: riding bikes and building stuff. I stay on track by examining the artifacts produced, but focus on the act of doing. Progress encourages practice.
That’s where I’m at, now. I was forced into that, but, after a few years, I’ll admit it’s the best thing that ever happened to me.
I’m not rich; and likely never will be, but I’m going to be fine. I was considering working for another ten years, and adding more to a pile, but it would have cost me my soul.
This was made quite clear to me, when I started interviewing, after leaving my previous job, of almost 27 years.
Many companies were openly hostile and insulting; right out of the starting gate, and I found that I inevitably ran into at least one person, in subsequent interviews, that started the bullying.
I’m pretty much certain that it’s because I’m older, although it may also be the zeitgeist of today’s tech working culture.
Made it clear, that, even if the company hired me, they would be treating me with disrespect.
So I took my toys and went home. Very grateful to have the means to do so.
And I’ve gotten used to setting my own agenda, without insecure middle managers or cow orkers crapping all over my work.
I never stopped “working.” In fact, I’ve “worked” harder in the last four years, than I ever did, when I was earning a paycheck.
But it barely feels like work.
I plan to keep "working" until the day I pop my clogs. The coroner will need to rub "YTЯƎWϘ" off my cheek.
A bovine creature from Orkney? :)
I'm not particularly old (30s) and I am noticing that maybe not the people, but the workplaces are becoming hostile and condescending. Perhaps software divas have earned us the kickback, but it's been enlightening in that it's clear I need to make sure my life and my contentment outside of work is what I'm building up, as that will come with me no matter what I'm doing.
Things that won't be affected if I quit tomorrow include: My fitness achievements, skills on the bike, progress into learning game development, progress into teaching myself a new spoken language, personal relationships, cooking skills...
You get the picture. If you lay it all on the line for work, then you have everything to lose at every job.
I have never been interested in making a ton of money, but I could make other people a lot of money, if they just treated me (and, even more importantly, my work) with simple, human respect.
That seems to be beyond most people, these days.
Recruiters tended to "ghost" me, almost immediately upon finding out my age.
It was weird. I have a tremendous résumé, and they would contact me, gushing about it, then would suddenly have a "connection issue," after I told them my age.
I'd never hear from them again. I guess the industry is crawling with 30-year-olds, with 35 years of experience.
It's quite possible to get work. All of my employees got jobs again, but it took a couple of years, for a couple of them to find settled work. Most had to be contractor employees for a year or so. Our team was composed of very experienced C++ programmers. Absolutely top-shelf engineers.
They're doing fine, now, but it took a while. I just didn't feel like going through the agita.
Not sure I'd recommend that. It probably comes across as "challenging." I just got tired of having my time wasted.
I wish you the very best of luck.
I'm 52, and work is in a neat little compartment. It's not great, but it's not soul sucking, and has good PTO and a pension and financially everything's grand and on-track...but work and my career is no longer where I draw value. I could easily see finishing my career here, and I could also see having another job before retirement.
(And, I could see retiring ASAFP if I could get the financial and life expense curves to cross. :) )
It's coming along great. Been at it for about a year and a half (over two years, if you count the backend I wrote -over ten, if you count the geographic DB, which I also wrote).
Building useful software for an ngo that works in poor African countries and wouldn’t be able to afford an engineering team is what I want to do, not binge watch Netflix from my sofa.
NGO I mentioned: https://mindleaps.org
Cool! Looks like work that feeds the soul.
Our experience of interviewing & working is a function of the people we interact with and there are both "good" and "bad" people. I have experienced both during my career and i hope, i ( & everyone else) gets to experience more of the "good" ones !
Not all of them were “sunshine and joy.” They could be very demanding, and intolerant of deviations from their ideals, but it was an exhilarating ride, that few people get to experience. It was a signal Honor to work there.
It shouldn't but I'm willing to be that worked against you as well.
In most industries, that kind of consistency is a plus (especially if you consider where all that time was spent).
Ageism is every bit as illegal, self-destructive, and uncouth as racism, ableism, or sexism; but is actively —proudly, even— encouraged in tech.
I understand where a lot of it comes from, but it’s really no different from “All our girls start off in the typing pool.”
As I mentioned, I’m quite capable of making other people a great deal of money, but it’s more important for them to treat me in a shabby manner, than to create great product.
Here’s an example.
I’m working on a fairly ambitious (40 screens) app. It’s getting ready for our phase one testing. I’ve been working on the frontend app (native Swift UIKit app) for about a year and a half (I also wrote the backend. That took seven months, a few years ago, and I also wrote another backend that we use as a data source, about ten years ago, that is now a worldwide infrastructure, but backend is not really my forte). This time has been mostly spent refining the app. I actually had a “shippable” app, after a month of coding, but we needed to make sure that it would be suitable for our end-users, so all that time has been spent working on over 600 TestFlight releases. At one point in the project, we probably had over 60 screens. I really like removing large swaths of code.
I’m also working for free. If no one wants to pay me to code, I’ll do it anyway.
Yesterday, I was bored. I’m at that part of the project, where I make a release, then wait for the team to decide the next step. The steps are small, at this point, and the team spends a lot of time arguing about things like colors.
So I wrote another app.
In an afternoon.
It’s already ship-ready, but I’ll spend a couple of days, polishing it up. It is a fully-native Swift UIKit app (not some ghastly hybrid), is small and lightweight, already completely localizable, adapts to dark mode, works on iPad, and has a high degree of polish. I shared it last night with the team on TestFlight. Some haven’t even had a chance to install it, yet, and it hasn’t completed the first Apple vetting.
It’s a fairly humble (4 screens) app, but it will be fun for our users, and will be a great “brand reinforcement” tool. Down the road, we’ll probably integrate it into a suite with the main app; but that’s icing on the cake.
The code Quality is out of this world, and it is done in a fashion that documentation comes from running a bash script, called “jazzy.command”. That creates a “docs” directory that can be uploaded to a GitHub Pages site.
The team will spend more time coming up with copy for the App Store, than I spent, writing the app.
That’s the kind of thing that experience gets you. It’s quite obvious that I’m capable of this kind of thing. A quick shufti at my portfolio makes it clear. I’ve met many folks that are more capable than I am.
It’s just that people are so fixated on my gray hair, that they, literally, refuse to look at my portfolio.
So it doesn't feel like "my life", rather on a ride I can't get off or interface with.
For me to find value in something, it should grant at minimal autonomy.
We may not get to choose our place in the cosmos, but on our own planet?
You have autonomy here.
The post is about a man who wants to do meaningful work, so I'm missing the leap to "messes."