Ask HN: Do you feel bad for having a good job?

Unless you have financial independence, you're in the same class as them.

Empathy and emotional intelligence are very important skills and you will probably benefit greatly from growing them into strengths. By developing these areas, you'll probably experience less guilt in general, but more importantly, you'll become a real gift to the world in ways you wouldn't have imagined. :)

Reciprocally- and this isnt necessarily better- I look at how squandered this interesting field is. It's so fortunate & gifted a field, to have exposure to so much, to be so uniquely empowered & entrusted. Yet I see so much partial pursuit, so much partial interest, so much moderated enthusiasm. The really good people in this field have so little support, so few who can help them or who work at their level. I don't begrudge anyone their existence here but to see the tip of the spear, the vanguard of humanity so dulled & un-trying is sad. I see such limited futures everywhere, but to see such limited uniterested unengauged potential so close to a heart of power & potential is truly dismaying. Who if not the techies can inspire us, reawaken our potentail? I feel as uncomfortable with my professional class as I do with anyone else: they at least have potential. And yet that just makes me feel further apart from them than the every-person, who has such limited chances to find an enabling empowering path.

I use my financial means to pretend to have a terrible job. I steal time from my employer to sneak off and play mechanic on my various mechanical toys. When I do a bad job, I hire a real mechanic to come behind me and fix my mistakes. Then I get a little better. I enjoy learning, and when I can, teaching.

But I take issue with one part of your post:

Don't assume the people you interact with are in a lower class. Some of the people you describe are happier than I ever could be, and lead richer lives too. I'd argue that all you have is freedom from financial stress and not much else. I'd put them in a higher class, from what I see here.

Maybe go learn what their secret is. I doubt they'd trade for yours.

$0.02.

I think as human we should aim to contribute to betterment of the world. Empathy is good, but feeling bad for isn’t at grand scale. You can feel bad for your friend’s misfortune I suppose.

Quietly giving and working for good causes is important. Also, if you are not evading taxation, regard your taxes as a blessing on others too.

One way in which I feel out of touch is the ability to buy something on a whim. I want that new robot vacuum cleaner? I'll just get it. I want a pet stroller for my cats to travel with me? I'll order the best fricking pet stroller I can find. I have a number I try to stick to each month of a maximum spending amount, but in the end there's always the knowledge that I can probably just buy that thing I want sooner rather than later. I feel very lucky, but also a bit disconnected from the realities of budgeting.

Having said that, my cat has almost gone through her yearly pet insurance allowance, so I'm now meeting the reality of putting extra money aside for vet bills just in case her health continues to be unstable for the rest of the year. Luckily I have an emergency fund for several months of living expenses, but the vet costs here might burn through even that.

Specialization just means knowing more and more about less and less. Rather than pitying the normies, try learning something from them instead.

Jeez.

I’m very fortunate to have grown up with lifelong hobbies (surfing, skateboarding) filled with people who are about as far from the typical high-paid tech worker as possible.

Thanks for the reminder.

When I feel guilty it's because I feel like I'm 'cheating' life, like I shouldn't be able to take an hour long walk in the middle of a random day if the sun is shining - but really I feel it's something _everyone_ in a non-critical remote role should be able to do without question or worry.

> Do you experience this? How do you deal with it?

I do the only thing I can do (I think) whilst being in an internal leadership position but not an employer: continue to emphasise within the company that everyone should work without stress, be visibly lax, and outside of the company make sure to communicate that this style of working is possible and acceptable and it should be a societal goal for everyone to have this option.

But you are not responsible for the well-being of the people, the government is, and they are failing to do their job. Unless you wanna do something about it, there's no point in feeling bad about it. You've been dealt a good hand - there is absolutely no reason to be ashamed of that.

The world is not fair. You are not responsible for the way the world currently is, but you have a responsibility as a citizen of the world to work on lessening the inequality and pain.

It’s good that you feel bad, but the next step is to use this feeling effectively and act on it by volunteering, working in politics and working in businesses that have a positive impact on society.

> You might say I "deserve" my current place in life.

No, you don’t deserve it. Nobody deserves their current place in life, some just got luckier with their genetics and circumstances. Believing in a just world is useful for society and the individual („they’ve earned it“), but it’s not true (truth is more „they got lucky they weren’t hit by a truck when they were 7 years old“).

I can, however, respect your effort and that you work hard. Doesn't mean that somebody else who can't work like that is deserving of a lesser place.

> I feel uncomfortable interacting with people of lower social classes.

Spend more time with different people from different backgrounds. This sentence is the result of being alienated from your fellow human beings and honestly sad to hear. Realize that we’re all the same.

> I give rather large tips, but it doesn't make me feel better.

You try to minimize your bad feelings with small gestures and you know it. That's why it doesn't make you feel better. To truly feel better, you need to involve yourself in making the world a better, more equal place for all human beings.

> I usually tell myself that they probably greatly appreciate the jobs that they have and are using it as a stepping stone to achieve their dreams

Stop telling lies to yourself. Many people are stuck in soul-sucking jobs and are imprisoned by their responsibilities to their families. The US is unkind because the system makes you feel responsible and seems to judge you for the outcome of your life while your life has a lot of randomness and luck in it. It needs to change. - https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2018/8/21/17687402/ky...

Honestly, step one is to stop segregating people in your mind, and just look at them as people just like yourself. Then you could actually get to know them and find out if their work makes them happy, whether it is just a job or something they are passionate about. You likely will find people who are satisfied with life at almost all wealth levels, just like you find people who are miserable at all wealth levels.

I'd recommend that you step back from your desire to avoid all discomfort, and instead step out of your comfort zone, explore the diversity this world has to offer, and get to know more people.

That shows that you have empathy for the less privileged folks.

A note first; you don't deserve anything, the World is not fair and much of what we achieve is blind luck (read Nassim Taleb) and then us muddling through to a possible local maximum.

The way to deal with it is to be thankful to providence and help your less privileged brethren. Have a keen sense of History and a desire to right the wrongs of the past much of which may have contributed to your success. Strive for a just equitable Society where everybody gets a fair shot at a chance to make it.

I worked in flooring one summer. Everyone there thought it was wrong for me to be there; they knew I should be somewhere else programming. We got along. They were happy for me when I eventually got back to where I belong

Sometimes I've heard people remark that tech salaries are ridiculous. But it's not like me taking a smaller cut is going to help them out: that margin would get sucked up by some corporate offshore account

Another viewpoint is that even if you could say that I don't deserve my currently pretty good place in life, neither would I really deserve a worse part either. Nobody would be doing better if I was doing worse.

No doubt you still have to fly commercial or even worse rent your time on a private jet, not to mention going to a job (cant you find a better way, pull yourselves up by your bootstraps??!) Urgh, the thought of such an existence is actually too uncomfortable for me to imagine, it must be unplesant beyond my grasp.

I hope you can leverage your unusually great intellect and worth ethic into something with more success, and perhaps you too can achieve some happiness.

Fair enough.

> I just feel bad that they might lack respect

Might? You certainly don't respect them.

I have slightly considered quitting and working in a warehouse. They are advertising $25-30/hr jobs plus overtime. At least I wouldn't have to deal with the bullshit at my current job. Unfortunately, I can't really do that since I have a family.