Ask HN: I burned out but I don't want to let my team down

I've been burned out before. If I were you, I'd take the vacation first, and relax as much as possible. Also, don't do side projects, that's more of the same thing that's burning you out. See how you feel after vacation, and then go from there. That's just my humble advice. Overwork / burnout is real, you have my sympathy.

Can you afford to take a big break?

One thing that might work. Spend a year outside of programming with low stress.

But rather than listen to me maybe make a plan with your therapist?

How good can you be for your team if you're burned out?

What works for me: Take a minimum of 2 weeks vacation in one block (3 or 4 is amazing if you can negotiate it - don’t be afraid to ask if you are at $bigcorp). If possible don’t use a computer in that period, don’t check work mail/slack on a phone. Don’t do side projects if they are computer based. You need to try to do something (or nothing is ok too) as long as it is different physically/mentally. You need to get out of your current mindset and environment. That likely means getting away from your current location to avoid the temptation to just sit around at home and watch Netflix (which is not a big enough change).

Let your team know you’ll be offline for the vacation period, the world will continue while you take a break.

See how you feel on your return.

I think, whatever you should do strongly depends on yourself and your circumstances. Burnout is mainly a stress response, but the way to find your balance again will really have to be your own way. It is great, that you discuss this already with some proper guidance. Whether your team and job can help you here, also depends. If that should be the case, it needs to happen in a way that reduces your stress. If you think so, why not try, but don't expect outsiders to give that final recommendation.

On that Netflix topic... You'd be much certainly better of simply trying to sleep or do relaxation exercises. Also trying to code during that time does not help relaxation. Try to establish clear boundaries between these different modes in your life.

I'm going through something similar and was able to negotiate some time off with my employer. In my experience, there's no way to push through burnout, and you're not going to be doing anyone you work with any favours by trying to "be there" through it.

I had burnout before and I took an entire year off. It definitely helped. That might sound extreme, and probably I could have taken less time off with similar results, but that's what happened.

So yeah, I recommend taking time off. Maybe a lot.

Talk with your manager, and see if you can come up with a plan to take a long vacation (I'd recommend at least 2-3 weeks, if not longer depending on how you handle burnout historically & what the nature of the burnout is) - at worst, maybe consider unpaid leave as well if you can afford to.

I've been burned out before: it sucks. But it is good that you realized that you are lost.

The only thing that helped me with burnouts so far: taking a long break. For example I took 2 weeks off and just biked through the country. I didnt plan anything ahead, I made random decisions on the spot (where to eat, what to do). After a week I started to feel much better.

Start talking to your team/management and plan for a longer break asap. Try to be required as less as possible.

Do nothing work-related for a while ( as much as possible), so you don't feel stressed.

Counter point of view: if one of your devs had this, what would you want them to do? Is your position to that transferable to your upper management?

Good luck man. Had it too and kept working.

What happened to me: After work i went straight to bed and back up to work ( i seriously reduced after work requirements, which was okayish to do since i mostly plan for being able to take a break). Took 2-3 months since i didn't want to go off my full-time work, as the overload happened in combination after hours...

Fyi, going straight to bed was the first 2 weeks and then it slowly improved. "Broke" after deadlines and where the 2 words went in serious overdrive for a while due to unforeseen circumstances ( 19 hours/day for 4-5 months).

This sounds rough. I have a question... do you feel like you're growing at work? Are you learning new skills and gaining new experiences, and do you value these skills and experiences?

If feel like you have been experiencing great work life balance, perhaps its more of a framing issue? Do you feel like you value what you do at this job? Do you see yourself wanting to grow with this company? Does the company's vision align with that of your own?

You should try not working consistently. Specifically having a rest day where you're not thinking about anything in particular.

Try an isolation tank.

I recommend this for two reasons. The high amounts of magnesium have the cool effect of calming you physically. I always feel like a wet noodle afterwards. It's very pleasant.

And second, because it's a deep restful state of sleep you sometimes fall into that energizes and motivates you.

> Should I just take a couple of weeks' vacation?

You probably need more than that to recover from burnout. But if you have not even tried that as Step 1 then by all means... do that. It might not be enough, but try it and see.

I don't have a ton of answers for you, but I will say that you are responsible for yourself first, and your team second. When you get on an airline flight and they tell you in case of emergency to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others... this is the same concept. You are not taking care of your team if you are not OK yourself.

When I was younger (under 40) and have saved a bit, I took sabbaticals between engagements. 1 lasted two years, the other just over a year. Definitely liberating, and enabled me to find my why.

Take time off. You can't help anyone until you've helped yourself.

Take a month at least. Go somewhere that's not connected. Don't do email. Don't do social media. Don't watch TV. It'll be hell for a week until your mind finally slows down. That's when the healing can begin, and 3 weeks is the bare minimum healing time.

Doing manual and physical, repetitive things can help, so long as they don't come with responsibility or commitments or require brain work.

Maybe you just need a new challenge? It seems you were finding some motivation in side projects. Also consider baking pizza

It might help if you considered the idea that you no longer enjoy coding. I and several people I've met just no longer enjoy coding, which is different than burnout.

I'd say burnout is when you have worked at a greater capacity than what you are capable of for so long that your mental, physical, spiritual, or social well-being becomes comprised. You can be overworked by your management or for self-imposed reasons. When one or more of these aspects of your life has become severely damaged, your performance decreases, and you feel negative emotions toward your job or aspects of your job duties.

No longer enjoying coding is much different. Like anything else, people change over time, and their preferences change. Some people stop enjoying coding because it's no longer challenging, or they are tired of repeatedly solving the same problems. Some people stop enjoying coding altogether just because that's how they are now.

I would suggest some introspection and soul searching. Ask yourself the question, who am I today? What do I care about today? Am I burnt out? Which aspects of my life have become damaged due to burnout?

Good luck. I hope everything turns out well.

Breathe in. Voice-call your manager. Tell them "Bad news, listen, I'm burned out."

Breathe out. Let them ask their questions. Respond with "I'm unable to do that right now" to anything that sounds too hard to do right now. Even if that means everything.

Let them take care of the rest. Only answer their work calls.

Call your parents/siblings.

You should quit.

Burning out is like having a swelling injury. You need to relieve the pressure. I work in a high stress environment, coding and managing people and the way I've learned to cope with it does not lie in having a healthy routine or anything, it just isn't enough. You need to stop doing whatever causes the swelling, regularly, before you can do it again. When you have tendinitis, you stop using whatever sport causes it.

So, every year, I take two weeks off in a remote location where there is no electricity, let alone reception. I am going off the grid. That comes in addition to regular holidays, like a week every three to four months. On weekends I turn off all notifications.

We are not machines, your body and your mind need to have different activities, apart from your regular schedule. You need to have time to think, to do nothing. I think we need to come to terms with the fact that our time does not have to be productive 24/7. Life should be messier than the optimized version of it we try to will into being.

I've been there.

What worked for me was talking to my manager, and arranging to unplug by taking a significant amount of time off. For me, this was two weeks initially, which I extended to three. IMO, three weeks is the minimum I would consider taking if I get into this state again.

If your manager is a good one, they will support you. If your organization is a healthy one, your team will understand and empathize.

Burnout is real, and, in my experience, it's unlikely to resolve by staying the course.

When was the last time you had 10 days off in a row?

First, if you can, take a two week vacation (longer if you are able). If you can afford it, travel to someplace that you enjoy, turn off all notifications, don't check your email, hell don't turn your phone on if you don't have to. Don't even use a computer, don't surf the web, don't keep your usual routine. (two weeks here, because it takes some 7-10 days to really separate yourself from work) Also, don't spend all the time at home, laying in bed, watching tv.

Second, stop all the side tech related side projects. You are probably burned out from lighting both ends of the problem solving candle. You need to give your mind a break from problem technical solving. Have you considered picking up a hobby that isn't connected to technology. Learn to sew, read a book, pick up an instrument.

Third, if it has been a while go see a doctor and get a physical. Gotta rule out anything physically wrong with your body.

> How can I manage responsibilities and deal with this at the same time? Should I delegate my work to someone else for a while? Should I just take a couple of weeks' vacation? I'm kind of lost at the moment.

You have to take care of yourself first. I'd make an appointment with your therapist to create a plan of action, a way to break this cycle. If you are close and feel safe with discussing this with your boss do so. You may have to delegate some of your load, you may even need to take a short leave of absence.

Finally, if you don't already, start taking daily walks outside and start journaling. Walks to help clear your mind, journaling to sort out your thoughts.