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Is this humorous? Is the joke that OP can predict that in-progress designs will be one of two options, because ‘every website’ uses one of those options?
It's a satirical tweet, but I find it interesting the tweet is 6 year old and reflects how little has changed in website design. I’m undecided if this a good or bad thing.

For startups and SaaS websites this layout template is instantly recognisable. Is it a cookie-cutter approach to website design? Or a boring but reliable layout template?

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Just missing cookie banners and chat bubbles.
In the name of all that does not suck, I beg you to NOT do "flat design". Make it possible to navigate a website - make hyperlinks blue, underlined text. Have visual cues for buttons. Have buttons, not magic pixels. Don't hide information in "hover over" things.