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Ask HN: Where can I go to meet interesting people?

38 points by throwaway27922 ↗ HN
I feel like most of the people I know respect me for my abilities and achievements, but I don't really have a close bond with anyone because I have niche interests that I don't share with few other people I know.

I'm sure that, given a large sample size, I'll be able to find a few people that are like me, but I don't really know where to go, whether physically or online. Essentially, I am at a dead end in this respect.

I mostly talk to people if one of us needs something, but not much besides that.

Where do I go to meet interesting people and start afresh?

43 comments

[ 3.1 ms ] story [ 90.2 ms ] thread
joshxyz
what are those niche interests?
SavageBeast
"I'll be able to find a few people that are like me" - consider that you don't necessarily need or even want to find people like you. You're already the person you are and its perfectly viable to cross-pollenate your own life/personality by befriending interesting, nice, successful people with integrity and empathy.

"... meet interesting people and start afresh?" - A simple MVP approach might be to make a list of places/things you wouldn't normally go/do and rate the viability of each? Take a stab at things in the top 10% of your viability list?

Consider that in performing an experiment where you meet new different people, you're quite likely to come out the other side a little different as the person you were going in.

I've spent the better part of my adult life moving around etc, different cities, regions etc and making new friends is as systematic of an endeavor as any other tech problem you might be trying to solve. Consider approaching it from that angle.

Good Luck - now go do some things you wouldn't normally do!

EDIT: Above all, never forget that your life will quickly start to resemble the things you spend the majority of your time thinking about. If you spend your time systematizing the process of starting fresh and meeting new people it will happen as certainly as spending enough time thinking about X will eventually make you a student of X and possibly even an expert of X.

badrabbit
"Be uncomfortable on purpose" great advice, hard to follow, you have to really accept the result is worth the discomfort.
Dracophoenix
> "I'll be able to find a few people that are like me" - consider that you don't necessarily need or even want to find people like you. You're already the person you are and its perfectly viable to cross-pollenate your own life/personality by befriending interesting, nice, successful people with integrity and empathy.

In my personal experience, that's not a good idea. OP isn't asking for diversity but for likemindedness. The point of finding friends is to find people with whom one has a common understanding of the world, even if one comes to different conclusions on certain points. Contrary to popular belief, diversity does not necessarily lead to cross-pollination interesting interactions. In many cases, you may end up butting heads or being compelled to shut up. That doesn't make for a good friendship. Don't throw OP into a den of lions while pretending they're vegan.

OP, it seems like you're looking for intellectuals or those who have an interest in being intellectuals. If so, I'll recommend animé conventions or at least finding people who have an interest in animé. There's a large cross-section between people with intellectual niches and those who have an overt interest in animé (and not just Ghibli Films)

kennxfl
>"I'll be able to find a few people that are like me" - consider that you don't necessarily need or even want to find people like you.

I've started listening to 90s and early 2000s punk and screamo and all I want is people that have that same appreciation for the music. Sometimes you really want to meet like-minded people who grok the unique elements of life that you do.

robcohen
If you have niche interests, find others who share those interests. Also, expand your interests. Take classes at your local university. Learn to crochet. Take certification courses and learn how to do anything from Construction Estimation to CNC to car repair.

I'm betting you think most people aren't that interesting. You might be surprised to find out you're the uninteresting one. Learn to Salsa dance, learn to admire art, learn to cook. Essentially, learn what other people like, then become proficient in those things. Host a poker night, cook a 7 course meal for people you know, join habitat for humanity, become a transport pilot on the weekends. Learn to smoke meat, then host people at your place.

I'm guessing you are only interested in super niche things that are mostly solo affairs. You're annoyed because no one wants to build database backends with you. Think about it from the other persons perspective. Find things to love about activities that they like.

I personally like people who are competitive and really pushing themselves. Crossfit, Jiu Jitsu, startup/finance events, events at math departments in universities, angel investor groups.

baristavibes
I'll add my music related anecdote, because it's my primary hobby which led me to form many internationally spanning friendships and art collaborations. Hopefully the approach inspires someone in other areas of life. When traveling to a new city, it can be challenging to find the right music events to fit your niché. What I tend to do, is check the artists I already like and see where they performed previously. Some of these venues or festivals might be difficult to google, especially if they are community driven and non-commercial. Some will inevitably lie in vicinity of my newly scouted city. These venues will have other performing artists, many of them belonging to local labels, while also deviating from my pre-existing scope in various ways. If I want to go a step further I check the labels again, rinse and repeat. This way I'm guaranteed to discover new music while not alienating my comfort zone.
eatonphil
My (one-person) company runs a discord for folks interested in software internals: compilers, databases, emulators, distributed systems, games, etc. Feel free to hang out: discord.multiprocess.io.
ChrisMarshallNY
I'm always a big fan of volunteer work.

Working with NPOs will expose you to some of the most interesting people on Earth.

Good luck!

MerelyMortal
What's your age?

In my experience, the older people who play trivia at bars (late 40s/50s+) are interesting.

Even if you're younger, Introduce yourself and ask if you can join their team that day.

If you're interesting and can carry a good comversation, chances are they'll let you join their team again, and it could be the beginning of a friendship.

I almost never know the trivia answers, but that didn't matter because they like me.

jollyllama
My go-to recommendation was ballroom (swing, blues, etc.) dance. If you're in a major US city, there's usually either a college or professionals scene where pretty much anybody can show up. Formal ettiquite, a structure to socialize on top of, and a filter for people who want to interact was a good combination. But it's a little different now after 2020.

Nowadays, I would recommend looking into gardening, beekeeping, or homesteading groups in your area. As food prices go up, there has been a surge in these. I meet a lot of interesting people in these kind of meetups.

gregjor
“Interesting” doesn’t describe a quality other people have. It describes your perception of them. Try examining your assumptions rather than trying to find people just like you.
altdataseller
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gregjor
No one "is" interesting because that's not a quality of a person. I may find someone interesting. You may not find that same person interesting. "Interesting" is a perception and value judgment, not a trait.

I haven't experienced problems making friends after college age. If that claim holds true I would attribute it to our personalities and biases hardening in adulthood, making us less open to novelty and less tolerant of people who don't share our opinions and values.

nsv
Online? I've had luck with IRC.
kleer001
> I don't really have a close bond with anyone because I have niche interests

IMHO closeness happens from harmonious character, from personality (mainly extroversion), not interests.

stevezsa8
"I mostly talk to people if one of us needs something, but not much besides that."

Have you tried to speak to people just to chat and see how each other is doing?

What about a club or activity you can enjoy with other people?

giantg2
You can meet interesting people anywhere. You don't have to share a niche. Perhaps they may introduce you to one of their niches that you find interesting.
stevezsa8
This is a really good point.

As much as we all want to find another person who is interested in us... I feel fewer people make the effort to show (genuine) interest in others.

f154hfds
I go to a Christian church that is geographically situated in an urban area around a bunch of college campuses. Some of my friends from this church are:

* A heart surgeon in residency

* A guy who does flooring / carpentry

* A physics professor

* A bass violin player

* An actuary

* A piano tuner

* A computational biology post-doc

We have fun conversations and other than a foundational worldview alignment tend to have very different perspectives on politics/life choices/etc. Our church could be more diverse in many different ways but it certainly is diverse socioeconomically and I have benefited enormously because of these friendships.

[dead] iancmceachern
happyrock
Strange question. OP did not say anything had to be anything, they are just sharing their experience...
iancmceachern
But they could have just said church. I think it's odd that OP specified which religion many religions have the features OP mentions.
dhunter_mn
Martial arts gyms, seriously. Best people I've ever met were BJJ practitioners. You can't get any more up-close-and-personal than learning grappling. Plus, you learn a lot about yourself in the process.
[dead] zcw100
AnthonBerg
This is a shitty and judgemental comment, and one without basis.
zcw100
It’s based on what the OP said which was pretty shitty.
dang
Please don't cross into personal attack. That just makes everything worse. If you don't like this post, there are lots of others.

If you'd please review https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and stick to the rules when posting here, we'd appreciate it.

zcw100
If you make a personal post any response that disagrees or is critical can be framed as a personal attack and your admonition to either say something that agrees with the post or go somewhere else is against the rules as well.

Maybe the problem this person is having is that everyone around them is telling them what they want to hear?

What exactly don’t you like? Your comment doesn’t even make any criticisms. Do you not like I suggested that someone try being introspective rather than blame everyone else but themselves for their problem?

dang
Leading with "How about you check that ego?" and ending with "You sound like a sociopath" could hardly be a more obvious personal attack!

> any response that disagrees or is critical can be framed as a personal attack

No—if you respond respectfully and in the intended spirit of curious conversation, that would not be a personal attack, even if you disagree.

You didn't do that. You responded extremely aggressively and personally. Posting like that to HN will definitely get an account banned, so please don't do it again (regardless of how bad another comment is or you feel it is).

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

iancmceachern
Outside. Walk or bike around the shared outdoor spaces of your city, hike the trails, go swimming, play volleyball in the park, join a local sports program and play softball, go 4 wheeling or whatever thing outside your house that you like doing. It's only a matter of time before you run into (literally) other people that like the things you do. The key is taking that first step out the door.
iancmceachern
Why the downvote?
rochak
Internet is a weird place. It is best not to take it to heart.
iancmceachern
Thank you
thedailymail
Could also be a fat-finger mistake. I tried upvoting your post but on the first attempt hit the down arrow by mistake. Not the first time it's happened to me, and I guess others have experienced it too, especially on devices with smaller screens.
logicalmonster
Find a significant other that's more extroverted and social than you are and make it their mission to help you find good connections that benefits both of you.