Ask HN: How can I come to peace with the years I wasted on pointless things?

You have one life. You are not necessarily meant to spend every waking moment doing something productive. Humans are not machines. We are complex beings with feelings, hopes, and fears. As long as playing World of Warcraft didn't cause your grades to slip in school, your graduation to be delayed, your personal relationships to falter, or your life goals to be delayed, then there is nothing to regret. You played a game because it brought you happiness, joy, entertainment. You did the thing you wanted, even if it didn't help further any of your long term life goals. The game brought you something positive in the moment. Given the resources at your disposal and your limited knowledge of the world at the time, you did the right thing for yourself. Don't beat yourself up. There will be plenty of time to take care of the important things when you get there. You have one life, and even more importantly, one youth. What's more typical than a 14 yo playing WoW? You shared a positive experience with millions of other people your age.

I reckon it’s ok to be a kid and do fun things such as games, who knows maybe games spurred your current interest in tech and developing etc. Make the best of how you feel now and start reading about your new interests, you can develop on any pc it does not need to cost a large amount of money. Remember to still have fun too though!

You probably won’t ever fully come to peace with it. All you can do is make use of the time you have.

If you’re worried about wasting time on pointless things, keep in mind that worrying about stuff you can’t change may be the most pointless thing you can possibly do.

You shouldn't look back, but look forward instead. At 23 you should have most of your life still in front of you. At 57 I'm painfully aware that I don't have all that much time left so I'm trying to make the most of it, there is no reason to wait until you are old to start realizing that your time on this rock is finite. At least you realize it now, some people never do, and I hope that you had some fun.

The real question is: Did it bring you joy, happiness, or entertainment while doing it?

For years I collected and spent an inordinate amount of money on antique telephones. Cleaning, conserving, researching, writing, and then one day it started to be less interesting. I've sold off almost my entire collection. When I think about the many hours and dollars spent on the hobby, I don't see it as wasted. I see it as endeavors that entertained my mind and passions. Now I have new projects and hobbies.

you can't change the past. you can influence the future. but you only ever live in the present.

You have already taken the first step. Recognizing your past choices, their results and what you want for your future.

At 23 you have a long and potentially successful career ahead of you. Good luck with completing your CS course.

What has happened in the past is what it is. You can't undo the past, so there's nothing to be gained by beating yourself up over it.

When you think of reaching for SM or WoW, reflect on the feelings you have posted here. Instead, complete an assignment, read up on some area of technology, try out a new programming technique, whatever. If none of that appeals, go for a walk, clear your head and visualize yourself as having put your past obsessions behind you.

It's like the 12-step program. You take each day, each moment one at a time and affirm to yourself the changed person you are becoming.

Burn that regret as fuel.

Simple: realise that some extremely high percentage of the people you're asking feel the same way, and are on average probably about 10y older. (Idk if anyone's done a survey or HN poll or something, but 30-35 would be my guess for the median.)

They still have time, and you'll have just as much then too after spending the next ten years(!) doing something you currently consider meaningful.

Just be glad you got out of being addicted to video games. Some people never get out of that and it ruins their lives, or at least massively wastes their potential. Unless you personally know someone who has a sibling or son or daughter with video game addiction you'll never really hear about it because it's the kind of addiction that doesn't cost a lot of money or cause deadly health or behavior problems and because of that never makes the news. It's just pathetic.

Your interests and passions will change over time, and every time a new interest comes up you will wish you started doing it sooner. At some point in the past I wished I started playing chess when I was younger (I no longer care about chess). I also was, like you, highly interested in reverse engineering. I'm not anymore. And so on. Focus on the present, on your newly found interest. Put time and effort into it and enjoy the journey. You can become an expert very fast.

Fortunately you're still in your early twenties with enough time for you to feel as though you can make amends. Don't waste your twenties on social media and other timer wasters because once you hit thirty you are on the downturn and will really regret your time wasted. Focus on positive stuff that sets you up to be a success in life because it get harder to get out of the starters blocks as you get older.

You should read masters of doom.

And you are very young still.

My advice? Don’t define yourself by your work. Your work is simply something you can do to live. You are trading your time and labor so you can do whatever it is you want to do.

At your age it’s common to think you’re going to change the world. Some people get bitter when this doesn’t happen. I’ve seen this and it’s not pretty. Almost nobody changes the world.

In tech you see this with people who have were the smartest in their high school, went to a great college and have basically been told their entire lives they are amazing and smart. At some point they get to a room where they’re not special and that can be a hard pill to swallow.

So if you want to change the world it just do something really meaningful you have to commit to that. But why are you doing it? Will it make you happy? It is that simply something you feel like you should do rather than something you want to do? And do you really want to make that impact or do you just want the adulation that entails?

Life is short. Consider yourself lucky if you have a skill that will let you live comfortably. Enjoy the ride.

You can't change the past.

In my 40s now and I still love playing video games, which I have been playing since I was 5 years old, starting with Space Invaders on the Atari 2600.

I’m doing alright, and don’t regret a thing as I have found that play is as important as work in life! Here’s John Cleese from Monty Python speaking about this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pb5oIIPO62g

You are you and your life is your life. Try not to compare yourself with others and you will be happier!

“I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.”

Kurt Vonnegut [0]

You have nothing to regret, and don’t look back, only forward. There is no such thing as wasted time as long as you are enjoying yourself.

People like Carmack are the exception to the rule, they are the 0.0001%, trying to compare yourself to them is irrelevant.

0: https://richardswsmith.wordpress.com/2017/11/18/we-are-here-...

I also spent most of my early life close to computers but as far as programming I only remember learning actual programming (in C) in my late teen years. It’s really hard for a 10 year old kid to really grok stuff like that. So if you are comparing yourself against people that you think had a head start then at most you are a couple of years “behind”. But also, as a 23 year old your learning pace and ability to focus should be higher, so you can recover lost ground very fast. In summary, the best time to start something was yesterday, the second best is today. Realize you are not much “behind” and get started. But also take the time to enjoy it.

Another thing is comparing yourself to Carmack… c’mon man, you have to cut yourself some slack. He is one of greatest programmers to ever live, he is _not_ a realistic yardstick to measure yourself against. You should only compare today’s you vs. yesterday’s you. That’s the only comparison that matters. For as long as that comparison trends positively you are in the right path.

And finally, you will realize that it takes time to digest things down and progress to mastery. As you grow older and get exposed to more and more fields you will start seeing connections that you can explore. But this takes time, as much as for Carmack as for yourself. This is how you grow and it is inescapable that it will take time. You have to understand it and accept it.

Don't compare yourself to others. Focus on what you want to do now that would make you happier. Love yourself.

If you're 23, you probably have 47-67 years left.

Don't sweat anything that might have been done differently in the prior 23. Go make the best of the 47 to come, with the extra advantage of the lessons you've already learned.

Your best years are ahead of you. Go get 'em!

At 23 you could be about to enter the best and most productive point of your life, or perhaps you'll find your pace at 33, or maybe 43 or 53. point is, you have a while yet.

Most people rue time wasted on 'frivolous' or 'pointless' activities, but I'd argue that Carmack, much as I respect him, wasted most of the only chance he'll ever have at childhood. Being a kid is about playing, and it sounds like you did a lot of that, at least.

You've got to remember that the vast majority of people aren't actually special, yet we all get to read about the literal ones in millions who are, and so compare ourselves to them.

That interview has a line where John says you can sleep 8 hours a day and work 100 hours a week if you 'prioritise correctly'. 40ish minutes in.

He also made the point that keeping working past diminishing returns of effectiveness gets more done than stopping at that point.

Making peace with past waste will only make it easier to waste the future. None of that. Focus on getting more done today.