Vintage Tech Humor: Unknown Technology Definitions

While archiving an ancient USENET group, I came across this bit of crass humor from 2003.

SEX

/seks/ [Sun Users' Group & elsewhere] 1. Software EXchange. A technique invented by the blue-green algae hundreds of millions of years ago to speed up their evolution, which had been terribly slow up until then. Today, SEX parties are popular among hackers and others (of course, these are no longer limited to exchanges of genetic software). In general, SEX parties are a Good Thing, but unprotected SEX can propagate a virus. See also pubic directory.

2. The mnemonic often used for Sign EXtend, a machine instruction found in the PDP-11 and many other architectures. The RCA 1802 chip used in the early Elf and SuperElf personal computers had a "SEt X register" SEX instruction, but this seems to have had little folkloric impact.

DEC's engineers nearly got a PDP-11 assembler that used the "SEX" mnemonic out the door at one time, but (for once) marketing wasn't asleep and forced a change. That wasn't the last time this happened, either. The author of "The Intel 8086 Primer", who was one of the original designers of the Intel 8086, noted that there was originally a "SEX" instruction on that processor, too. He says that Intel management got cold feet and decreed that it be changed, and thus the instruction was renamed "CBW" and "CWD" (depending on what was being extended). The Intel 8048 (the microcontroller used in IBM PC keyboards) is also missing straight "SEX" but has logical-or and logical-and instructions "ORL" and "ANL".

The Motorola 6809, used in the UK's "Dragon 32" personal computer, actually had an official "SEX" instruction; the 6502 in the Apple II with which it competed did not. British hackers thought this made perfect mythic sense; after all, it was commonly observed, you could (on some theoretical level) have sex with a dragon, but you can't have sex with an apple.

Condom

1. The protective plastic bag that accompanies 3.5-inch microfloppy diskettes. Rarely, also used of (paper) disk envelopes. Unlike the write protect tab, the condom (when left on) not only impedes the practice of SEX but has also been shown to have a high failure rate as drive mechanisms attempt to access the disk - and can even fatally frustrate insertion.

2. The protective cladding on a light pipe.

3. "keyboard condom": A flexible, transparent plastic cover for a keyboard, designed to provide some protection against dust and programming fluid without impeding typing.

4. "elephant condom": the plastic shipping bags used inside cardboard boxes to protect hardware in transit.

Programming Fluid

<jargon> (Or "wirewater") Coffee, unleaded coffee (decaffeinated), Cola, or any caffeinacious stimulant. Many hackers consider these essential for those all-night hacking