Ask HN: How do I find my “purpose”?

do drugs. travel alone. try lots of different kinds of jobs. good luck.

Personally, I think Allan Watts has some interesting things to say on the topic.

> I think this is the kind of thing a fair amount of people here in HN have thought about, so I thought of asking.

It would truly surprise me if many people _actively_ find their purpose, and it would surprise me almost as much if most people find theirs at all. Mine, i discovered rather by accident while not thinking about it at all. Instead, it simply occurred to me one day that i had found, and been living, my purpose for a good long while before realizing it.

Life is what happens while you're waiting for it to start.

The trouble is you are using the word "my". It's only when you lose yourself in someone else (or something else) that you find yourself.

A calling is something you hear. If you can't hear it, it isn't calling. You may never hear it. It might come tomorrow. You can't find it. It will find you.

>There are plenty of studies that show that having a "purpose" and working after it is correlated with higher happiness or well being.

I wouldn't even consider debating this with anyone. It's too true.

>"Purpose" is vague enough, so to make things worse I am going to conflate it with "life meaning", "calling" or "personal values".

What is the purpose of the yeast which makes bread? It is life, it has a purpose. What is the purpose of a grape vine? It is life and has a purpose.

Purpose is vague because it technically has to be simple because it's true of single celled organisms as well.

>I recently came across the Japanese "Ikigai" which seems related.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LE5bel_GvU

Only place I've ever seen the word. Possibly the same video you found?

>Ok, I buy this, however, what is this "purpose/ meaning/ calling/ value" thing? What does it mean, really? How do I find mine?

Another great video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-STKInWhpU

When you wake up in the morning. You could stay in bed and stay warm, but instead you jump out of bed and get dressed. You then move onto another task and another task. Imagine you're fulfilling missions. Even if they are small side missions, there is a reward in each mission. Making your bed, cleaning the garbage off the ground. Each thing does have a reward.

There will be a side mission sometime in the day which when you actually do it, it becomes your purpose. It's going to be something you would never have done. Perhaps you're in the grocery store and some old lady is struggling to grab something. You grab it for them, and its wierd, you never do this. You didnt expect anything in return but you did get a reward. Not from the lady, but you did receive a reward.

I can speak to this.

First, listen to affinity effects, but listen critically.

What I mean is: if you find that you just so happen to get along really great with haberdashers, you find yourself at haberdashery conventions, and you have an ample collection of hats: take note of this! *But let this be one factor among others.* Some of the most important, purposeful years of my life came from people and contexts I didn't think I related to at all.

Next, get yourself a bunch of free time and a space to experiment in.

Try out stuff you're curious about! For me, it was textile design, music, and calligraphy. I'm terrible at all of these things, but I never would have figured out what I do want to do, which is design & build user interfaces.

And when I do, I think a lot about how tailors make garments that feel so good and right and true, but still look amazing. This metaphor informs and enriches my software practice.

The key ingredients are time, money, safety, and space.

You need time -- no one can experiment if they have only an hour or two of freedom per day.

You need money -- no one can experiment without making purchases.

You need safety -- it has to be safe to experiment. No one innovates when the consequences of failure are homelessness and death.

And finally, you need physical space to house whatever equipment and resources you need for your explorations.

Would you be interested in another opinion?

Purpose is the reason you had your own "hero" story

The unique road you had from your birth till now gave you the strengths and uniqueness to do something you are capable of

I work with engineers to find the balance, and to identify your own calling or purpose

should you be interested, my email is in my profile and we can schedule a 22 min call

Counter argument: Only insane people have purpose…

What is the Purpose of Life? - Sadhguru

> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vQ7ZvPghdy8

One notable person's answers to your question: https://sive.rs/faq

I found them useful, myself.

Derek's "Don't Be A Donkey" post is also applicable here: https://sive.rs/donkey

Have you considered that the question may be a trap and/or pointless to begin with?

I think the words "meaning" and "calling" are a bit strong. They all kind of imply the notion that there is one thing that will make you happy and that you have to find it. In reality, I think there are lots of different (company, position) that can make you happy.

You also used the word "value", which I think is more on point.

We all have a different set of values. If you do things that are in conflict with those values, you will feel bad. So finding a job where the most important values you have are fulfilled is a key point to being happy.

I don't have any particular resource, but I think there must be a lot of books on how to find and understand those values. I personnally worked on that with a therapist.

My example :

I was working in a 45k-employee engineering service company (not sure of the english translation), where I was working on an ERP software for (military) aviation. The tech stack and the human organization was terrible.

It conflicted with some of my values (knowledge, peace, creativity, autonomy...) and was starting to make me feel anxious and angry. I also felt that what I did had no real purpose.

I knew I needed a place where kindness and knowledge were important. When I finally found that, working in a place were I feel the end product makes the world better, my life really was better.

This works: Imagine your purpose as the centre of a sphere bounded by a perimeter representing the limits of the experiences which you want in your life. Spend as long as is necessary testing the bounds of the sphere in every direction. Try loads of things, especially bonkers ones which might seem counter to your nature. Find where those boundaries lie, and then identify your purpose in the middle of it all.

From my own search on this topic:

Science can only do so much with the 'internal' meaning. All people I've read are inadequate or point to religion.

Religions, across the board, sure seems to be solely focused on purpose and meaning.

If you want purpose outside yourself, I'd look to a religion or a group that functions similarly. I dug Alan Watts and the like for awhile. More recently have liked St Augustine and other apologetics.

I know the concept religion causes raised flags but I do suggest that you are least give it an open mind while you search.

I suggest that you create a purpose for your life, rather than finding it.

Purpose: Commit to something and stick to it.

We can easily wallow in a sea of possibility and never commit to anything, because whatever you commit to is at the expense of other things you could have done.

So we sit there considering and reconsidering the possibilities and looking for new ones. The implicit hope is that one will show up that is so much brighter than the rest that it’ll absolve us from the burden of commitment.

That’s a mirage. Decide what you want to be and commit to it.

In my experience, finding purpose is not an easy process, but it is at least a simple one to start.

Personal values are the things you care about. Going through a list of core values[0] and rating them on a 1–5 scale should give clarify on what really matters to you, so you can cleave away the rest. (I’ve also found thinking about conflict in terms of values to be incredibly helpful; when someone is upset about something, and it’s not clear why, my experience has been that it’s because one of their values are being violated.)

Personal values shift somewhat over time (e.g. a financial windfall may make wealth feel less important; having fewer opportunities to meet people may make relationships feel more important), but you’re likely to find that you have a particularly strong affinity to a few key values that don’t really change over time. Using those as a compass, you can find the ‘right’ activities for you by asking whether or not they’re in line with your key values. By doing this, you’re able to live a life that feels more fulfilling.

Once you’ve done this, there will probably be various things that come up where you find yourself uncertain or still not quite like you know what your purpose is, but it is hopefully enough to get going on the right path. Books providing an overview of all the different philosophies and their evolution over time might be interesting too to pick one of those that feels most right for your life. Good luck!

[0] There are a nearly infinite number of these on the internet. I don’t know of any one in particular that’s especially good. https://www.qualitycharters.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/H... is one option that came up for me that seems reasonable.

I think most people find purpose either in religions or in generalized religions (altruism, consumerism, political activism) or simply in having a family.

Starting a family is definitely the safest bet, probably long term too because these ideologies tend to lose their appeal over time.

But hey, I don't even seek happiness myself. I'd be glad to just know WTF all this was about before I die. Being some 10^28 particles out of 10^80 particles in a weird universe which doesn't seem to have any obvious purpose on one hand, and yet we're in this specific one and not in any other.

On the one hand it's so mind bogging huge and yet on large scale everything is pretty predictable, and the only interesting calculation as far as we can see in universe is actually right here. Humanity could explode into the Galaxy or it could die silently and predicting it is harder than the most complex physics of any known star.

I find that there’s too much emphasis on “finding your bliss.” My ‘purpose’ is to negate other’s control over me. Wealth is independence, so my jobs are income (not status) generators. At the beginning of my career I consistently asked for higher pay & left if refused. Over time, the greater my wealth, the greater my ability to say “no,” and conversely the better employers have treated me. I’m offered promotions, stock options, etc without asking for them and I basically do what I want and get paid well for it. So my negative purpose, avoiding being controlled, has worked out for me.

"How do I find my “purpose”?"

You don't. Nobody has a purpose. Life is only what you make it, within the confines of the circumstances. If you want to assign a purpose, you can, but that's just bias or artificial labels.

Try a bunch of different things. See which ones resonate. Talk to lots of people, learn about new things to try. Adjust your direction and try some more. Repeat as needed (or until death).

"Making the world a better place, through minimal message oriented transport layers." -Hooli

What is important to you, what do you care about? Who depends on you for what? What skills, abilities, connections, positions, etc. do you have that can be useful in the world?

I think too often people want some grand overall narrative about making a big impact on the world, which, if you adopt it without really truly believing and caring about it, will be actually demotivating. For the most part, anyone can find purpose by doing a better job at what they are already doing in life. Be a better whatever you are. Go deeply into it, and put more energy into it.

  I also highly recommend these books:
  * Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
  * The Enchiridion by Epictetus
  * Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

Purpose for me is an actualized version of who I really am. Deep down there is a kernel of who you really are, and the goal is to tap into that identity as much as possible, and bring it out from within, into the deeper world around you.

watch Soul film by Pixar...

Counselor Jerry: A spark isn't a soul's purpose. Oh, you mentors and your passions. Your "purposes." Your "meanings of life." So basic.

To me, regardless of what you call it, it comes down to two things: 1. finding something you enjoy/willingly put great effort into, 2. looking back on your life at the end and not regretting the time spent.

I can't say I know I've found mine but I have from a young age enjoyed understanding and making machinery, now extended to software. I try to improve and apply my ability at a company that doesn't suck and share anything useful I've learned. I still greatly enjoy learning and applying new knowledge in this area.

Conversely every now and then, I wonder if I wouldn't have more appreciated following an artistic path, say off the top of my head like Aphex Twin (without the fame & success). Probably some of both makes sense. The most important thing is probably not to get caught up not doing anything. You rarely know it's "the thing" while you're doing it, only in retrospect might you realize it was.

Caveat: enjoying (1) is optional if (2) is significant enough and you can endure. :-)