Sex offender can't get a job. Completely out of ideas. Help?
In particular, 7 years ago and 12 years ago, I flashed teenagers. That's the crime. I was told it'd be easier to find a job if I had murdered someone, because nobody understands the mental illness that causes flashing, which I don't have anymore and haven't for years. But my name is part of google search now, the entire first page, so I can't escape it.
I don't know where to find clients who would be willing to work with me. And I'm on a time crunch. I am legally required to pay $3k/month for my wife and children's livelihood, and have no money to pay a lawyer to get that overturned, and when I presented my case to the judge he already said no, I will have to pay this or be found guilty of contempt. I also owe about $1k/month in back taxes and other debts. Not to mention needing to afford a lawyer (guessing $1k/month), and rent ($1k) and food ($200) for myself per month. That puts me at $5200/month.
So I figure I need to make about $40/hour, which sounds like a lot but remember Goldman offered me $125/hour which testifies to my skill even if they retracted it for other reasons. And I got many similar offers for anywhere from $50-$100/hour from other companies out here.
I'm absolutely out of ideas. I have very very little time left to get a job before I'll probably be homeless. This is creating decision paralysis. I also have very little idea how to navigate job applications lately. I get no hits on upwork, and I can't work in government/financial/medical jobs because of my criminal record. And I can't find any subreddits where I can offer my services as a software consultant.
I have basically no advertising or marketing skills at all. I've made some software that I think is legitimately innovative and asked for GH sponsors for it, and posted regularly on HN to tell people about it, and it gets no attention at all, not a single upvote ever. And I imagine reddit would be even harder to get noticed on.
I'm okay with dying, I actually kind of prefer it, so if this doesn't work out, then that's it, and I'm done, and I've done my best. But my children need me to provide for them, and I will do everything I can to provide for them. That's my only purpose in life, and if I fail at that, then I'll be glad to go to sleep.
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3 clarifications:
I would rather die than not provide for my children. My one and only purpose in life is to be their father. So I will provide for them or die trying.
I have the skills for $150/hour, so I'm sure someone out there is willing to get it at the bargain price of $50/hour. I just need to find them somehow.
And I am not suicidal. I am just really, really tired of life, and would be relieved to finally be done living in a lose-lose situation, whether by success or failure.
102 comments
[ 2.9 ms ] story [ 162 ms ] threadUsually smaller companies are less likely to background check. I know that's not much help but it's all I know I'm afraid.
Good luck.
With that in mind, you may have to change careers, you're very fortunate that you're not still locked up, or civilly committed.. which happens quite a bit in TX. I'm not sure where in the USA you're located.. but have you considered talking to your local workforce commission? you may need to become a day laborer, a welder, and take on some dirty jobs, but you're not alone.. there are plenty of SO s that are gainfully employed.. they may not have the obligations you have, but they're making do. One of the hardest things for you will be the transition from white collar to blue collar.. it can be done.
And quit that crap about dying.. if you really mean it when you say you want to provide for your children, do it.. where there is a will, there is a way.. and all those other cliches.
It's not over for you just yet.
Learn the law in your state, figure out what forms you need to fill out yourself. I believe you file motions "pro se".
If you say you're as good as you are, figuring this stuff out for you should be easy, I understand the funk you're in.. but as you can see.. there are complete strangers rooting for you, and your family. Sometimes you just need to see things from a different perspective.
He might just have to struggle with being in arrears for a few years if the current agreement was issued recently.
At the 30,000 foot level only. Usually, they are concretely set by a court at fixed dollar amounts, and you must petition the court based on changed circumstances to get them altered. OP reports doing so and failing. It may be the right thing at that point would have been to appeal that ruling (but appeals are not necessarily cheap), especially if the state has a strong objective rule that the decision did not comport with (some do, and rogue judges are a thing, especially when they have animus against a party, which “the party is a sex offender” might easily explain.)
Which is why my goal is to get a job, and not start a gofundme.
Also, just because they live near a school doesn’t mean anyone needs to know you live there. Or do they? Are you tracked like that?
https://sfgov.org/olse/sites/default/files/FileCenter/Docume...
He doesn't address it; but, those convictions could have put him on the state's sex offender registry. A lot of places won't hire a registered sex offender, regardless of the actual crime that put them on the registry.
that must be why it's such a wildly unpopular thing to do.
(30% of families entitled to paternal child support do not receive it as they should.)
Is he just not going to apply for a visa?
I don't know why you're putting this in quotes as if it's not true, I just looked up the public records and here he is in the sex offender database:
So there you go.> In terms of your children, you have to accept that your wife did this to them, and whatever lower quality of life they experience is your wife's fault, not yours. They wouldn't be experiencing this if your wife didn't do this.
Excuse me, what? Why on earth are you blaming the wife for something this guy did and is wholly responsible for?
Blaming the wife is a bit much, but the divorce was an optional consequence. It's a lengthy, difficult, and expensive process. If they had put the kids' development first, they would have figured out a way to keep them in a two parent household.
Now that their father is not easily accessible, guess who has to overcome the emotional baggage while learning life lessons without guidance.
We have enough data to know the differences between adults who had their father and those who didn't. The optional divorce essentially slashed their potential in half.
If you have no money, all of those obligations disappear legally (assuming you are in the USA)- they cannot make someone without money pay. Your responsibility is to deal with your own mental health first so you can get the strength back to deal with your responsibilities later.
Here is a general approach I would recommend:
1) Make a list of all of your financial obligations, and research each for at least one hour online, to figure out how to get out of it based on zero income. You should consider filing for bankruptcy.
2) File all of those things properly yourself, e.g. using NOLO books from the library.
3) Drop your house, car, etc. and find a low stress way to survive that requires a lot of hard physical labor outdoors, suitable for your own skills and abilities. For example, if this were me I would get a free derelict sailboat and live with subsistence diving and fishing and sea foraging. Other people might do farm labor for cash, etc. Look for anything that is incredibly physically hard, pays poorly but supports survival, and gives you introspective solitude.
4) Work on your inner self with daily practice. Any method is suitable: qi gong, wim hof, stoicism, buddhism, etc.
5) Once you have rebuilt yourself internally, and become conformable living on nothing, work on a plan to re-enter the world, and execute it. Be open to many options. Consider for example companies that emphasize hiring ex-criminals, founding your own company, or switching fields entirely. Possibly also look for some ways to (legally) obscure your negative reputation online: go by a nickname, etc. or simply embrace it and be upfront about it. Let employers know the real story, and that they are getting a skilled person at a bargain because of your background. I mean, reading this story, my first thoughts were around if I would be able to make you a job offer.
What I need is help on figuring out how to find a job that makes me $50/hour and doesn't kill me.
And for everyone here, I am not suicidal. I am just really, really tired of life.
This is a bit too much. OP literally has the entire world stacked against them. They're in a seemingly insurmountable situation. Even if they manage to stay out of prison for non-payment of child support, they're just treading water. There is almost no way they can live a comfortable life for themselves. Even if they manage to find a $100/hr job one day, most of that will go to child support. They won't be able to save much. Their food budget is $200, so malnutrition seems like a looming possibility also.
Some armchair psychologist trying to diagnose them with clinical depression because they are rightfully feeling depressed about the situation is not what they need right now.
Depression causes you to feel hopeless, and form false narratives that prevent you from seeing possible solutions or options. Being conscious of this has been very helpful for me, as a person with lifelong chronic depression.
I didn't realize that this was a thing (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depression_(mood))
I thought it specifically referred to this (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder) e.g. clinical depression. I realize you didn't say clinically depressed, I've just been conditioned to assume it's the latter when talking about depression.
I think someone would be better off (job and social forgiveness and dating-wise) to kill someone drunk driving than to download a single picture of CSAM. I am not saying CSAM is good, or that it should be legal, or that those who do so do not deserve punishment.
To reiterate, I honest-to-God believe someone has better chances at getting a job, finding new friends and love, and being accepted into society if they were to negligently kill someone after choosing to drink and drive than it is for someone to recover from the stain of downloading even one instance of CSAM, no matter how contrite, rehabilitated and complaint with therapy that person is.
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To that end, I hope the OP can queue his problems, like another poster said. Find a job anywhere that will accept him. There are potentially non-profits that will work with him (?) esp. if his claims of near-homelessness are true.
I hope this person is as contrite and reformed as they sound, and I hope they get through this part of their life. IIRC depending on the level of crime, it may go off BG checks after some period of time.
It’s silly, but when I start feeling this way, I think of the song “The Next Right Thing” from Frozen II. Yes, the Disney movie … I admitted it was silly! But there is wisdom in identifying the first problem that you need to solve and solving it before moving on to a second (or third, or fourth) problem.
So, in your case, the first problem to solve might be to get enough income coming in to provide housing for yourself. Forget about everything else and just solve that one problem.
Things are not as bad as they seem. You sound like a smart and caring person who will figure this out. Take a breath and get focused on one thing.
Regardless of what happens, you can be an asset to your kids regardless of whether you ever give them another dime. I miss my dad every day, and it has been decades since he provided any financial support to me.
Best of luck to you.
1. Are there any non profits for the homeless/former convicts near you? Even if you’re not homeless they may still be able to put you in touch with the right organisations. Objective- getting you a job, a place to stay perhaps, most importantly pausing your payments. 1.1 Google for NGO/pro bono lawyers in <your area>. This will help pause your payment situation. Objective- pausing the payments 1.2 Failing that, you could try to represent yourself in court. Not sure if it’s a smart strategy but it’s a strategy.
2. Are there food banks, or religious institutions nearby that provide food? You might also benefit from asking around homeless people if they know any decent resources in your area.
3. Hit up the job search thoroughly. I would expect LinkedIn to be good. I would also recommend finding remote companies from eg Canada/UK (if you’re US based), I suspect they wouldn’t do a background check. But be honest if asked (if it doesn’t cost you your health/life).
Also if you need to take a loan if I’m not mistaken bank loans are far lower interest % than credit cards. Be careful with credit. Best of luck!
Past explanations on similar points: https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=false&so...
Tend bar, drive uber, or deliver Amazon. Accept that your crimes have you set you back for life, and a white-collar job might be out of reach for many years.
Even if you were to start your own company, someone would dig up this information and use it to drive you back to square one. Like parent comment and many others have echoed, white collar work may not be in your line of sight for years to come. If I was you I'd start practicing with a spatula or a shovel.
This might involve a few hundred dollars, but if you indeed have skills worth $125/hr, it would be worth working at a car wash etc. until you save that up.
What do you do? What do you know? What floats your boat?
Right now I only feel qualified to say I am excellent at React, JavaScript, TypeScript, jQuery, Node.js, and similar.
-Get a remote job based in Europe? Some pay good.
-Make tech videos? Adsense can bring in some $$$.
-Make video courses on Udemy, or your own site. If you're determined you can do this FAST, and while looking for a job.
-Write an ebook on a niche tech topic? Websockets? UX?
Aside: As a Muslim, my religion tells me the one who repented (to God, and to those whom he offended) is like the one who never sinned. I can see you realized your mistake, and I will not hold anything against you. Especially for "flashing", which is obviously bad, but way on the lower end. I quote from a law firm: "Indecent exposure is considered a sex crime in California. If you are convicted, you will be forced to register as a sex offender". Unfortunately, the world is super-promiscuous and super-hypocritical. We see people almost completely naked everyday. Revealing their private parts and near-private parts. This is considered "cool". Television hosts deliberately wear clothing to arouse people. You know, "sex sells". People wear the tiniest bikinis. And even allow their toddlers to wear such skimpy clothing [this should be a major crime, actually]. Not to mention the near-naked billboards we see on a daily basis. But when they want to book someone, they do.
May God help you.
A legal name change is the obvious solution, here. A thorough background check will certainly turn up the legal name change and the sex offender status, but few employers actually perform a thorough background check.
For the most part, you only need to pass the "what comes back in a Google search for your current legal name" test.
Yes, this might limit OP's options when it comes to prospective employers, but there are plenty whose "background check" is "have someone in HR type their legal name from their government-issued ID into Google".
Of course, this all _takes time_ which OP doesn't have, but if they hadn't left this to the last minute, this wouldn't have been an issue.
"The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is today."
Also, renouncing US citizenship costs thousands of dollars for the renouncing fee.
Car detailing is something with a relatively low barrier for entry and you can make $40+ an hour. I've seen people get started this way with just a bucket of water, some car wash soap, a couple rags.
What region are you located in? if you dont mind me asking
Mentoring (even of adults) is probably one of the harder texh-related jobs for a sex offender to get.
Why did you do this? Were these really the only two times you did this, or just when you got caught?
I don't know how you've been explaining these convictions to prospective employers, but, it seems likely to me that you're not being hired because employees deem it a risk that you might do it again.
If I was the hiring manager, I would be most concerned that this a repeat offense, which carries a higher risk of recidivism.
But the cards are stacked against him. As he flashed teenagers, from which I assume he didn't mean 18/19 year olds (otherwise he would have said so), that's a huge red flag that most likely will automatically exclude him from a large amount of professional employment.
As a hiring manager, I would also be concerned about the impact on female employees, who need to feel safe at work. The gender imbalance in tech, and dealing with inappropriateness from some male employees, is bad enough already - hiring known sex offenders doesn't help with this at all.
I don't say all this to be rude or judgemental, but to just be clear on how it will look from the hiring manager side. There's no point in providing false hope or platitudes. Unless he gets lucky with a company that's willing to overlook all this, he most likely needs to take a very different approach to employment than the one he's been trying.
Can you get a doctor's note? I can imagine smaller firms bending the rules a bit.
Primary thought is: be honest—you've explained your situation here, do similar if you need to elsewhere. Your (past crime) story at face-value wouldn't affect my assessment of you for a technical role.
Second thought is: apply for jobs with a "professional name". Not uncommon. Your first name + your middle name, perhaps. At some point, HR will need to see/know your official name, but that's for book-keeping...you may even be able to have your corp email reflect your professional name, and only your W2 having the true record. If at any point the issue of the past comes up, simply be honest. Should that be grounds for firing you, or not hiring you, so be it. Find an outfit that will understand and give you a fair shot.
If you're not catching fish, the solution is not seppuku. Keep trying, but maybe somewhere else. CA would be most forgiving.
> nobody understands the mental illness that causes flashing
Don't kid yourself-- nobody understands any mental illness as well as they pretend to. How many mental illnesses have we managed to eradicate?
Just downplay your behavior as symptomatic of a then-unmanaged drinking problem. The social perception is that perverts are beyond redemption but anyone has the power to choose to stop drinking.
His entry in the sex offender database lists him as a Sexual Predator, so he's on there for life. This is something he really should have disclosed in his post.
Edit: I also found an old HN post of his from 2018 which goes into more detail: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17426515 & https://pastebin.com/CtLFcc97 - the comments are, I would say, quite enlightening.
From what I understand, CA (for one) makes a distinction, with nonviolent offenses like solicitation and harassment not requiring registration. Rape/molestation constitute predatory behavior and require registration.
Not sure where flashing fits in or if this is even applicable.
(Ed: just saw your edit, and dug up the record myself. He's not in CA so none of this is applicable.)
Given your mental health issues, consider applying for disability as a Hail Mary. Lean into how your anxiety and compulsions interfere with your ability to work. Explore whether you have undiagnosed ADHD.
I'm not advocating disability fraud, but it helps to have a secondary "physical" dysfunction to support your case (fibromyalgia is frequently claimed but I don't know how that ends). Gastrointestinal issues are also easily faked. This will take some time to build a case for, and again, I'm not advocating that you do anything fraudulent. Never, ever lie about anything in any context, ever.
You don't seem to have much to lose, and some legitimate mental issues that could have led to a different life outcome were they properly addressed.
Best of luck to you.
weird post, man
Many independent lawyers, accountants, etc, are likely to know odd situations and odd entities that just barely want to meet contractual obligations, etc. Of course others are more specialized in just talking to one type of niche client..
Also, bear in mind that every couple days there’s a new TS/JS/React expert in the market, I don’t see how you’d get 250K a year offer regardless of your criminal record.
Work on any available job and pay a percentage of your salary, until you get a bit better.
Good luck!