I am at a point where I turn everything into work. That's not healthy at all. How do you have fun? How do you unwind so that you can come back to work fully energized?
Social media, the odd party, reading stuff that interests me but is unlikely to be of any 'use', listening to Internet Archive's stream of 78s, ...
Also doing little coding fixes on my pet projects that I couldn't necessarily justify as 'worth it' but that I want to do, including unnecessary optimisations!
I started drumming at 41. I already play guitar (in a band even) but I always wanted to be a drummer. Unfortunately drums are a loud and cumbersome instrument and living in an apartment makes it very difficult to practice.
I started with a 'DW "Go Anywhere" Practice Kit' and I added a cheap "Millenium Still Series Cymbal Set".
It's not a loud setup but preventing the kick drum vibrations to annoy my neighbours has also been a challenge so I guess I also have fun experimenting with that.
English is not my first language, sorry if I sound weird.
The problem still persists with electric drums which is the kick drum pedal essentially banging on the floor. The neighbours cant hear the drum sound but hear the vibrations travelling through the floor/walls.
There’s ways to mitigate this issue - Roland sell these “noise eaters” [0] designed for their kits, but probably work for any electric kits I would guess.
A much cheaper alternative is to DIY a similar platform using some boards and a bunch of tennis balls cut in half[1]
Yes, I'm aware of the "tennis ball" solution. I'm currently experimenting with washing machine anti-vibration mats, I don't need to assemble any materials to use these, but if they don't work, the tennis ball platform will be the next step. And if that still is not enough I will have to try Sylomer[0]
It's not a substitute for a regular drum kit, but it you like hand drums it's pretty cool in combination with a DAW. There's a foot pedal you can use with it, but so far I'm I'm doing fine without it.
Bicycle, I bought gravel last spring. It was a revelation, I love getting on my bike in the morning, leaving the city, and heading out to the country roads.
Otherwise, I read, spend time with my family, cook new dishes, or code things that I like at the moment.
Not sure what you consider "work"? Assuming you work in tech and your work involves sitting behind the computer, do something that takes your hands off the keyboard. Something that gets your body moving. Work a different part of the brain. Some recent examples (of mine):
1. DEFY Trampoline Park with my 3 year-old daughter (both of us have a blast)
2. Learning how to play guitar
3. Hang out with friends who don't work in Tech
yes, thats pretty much the goal, but what can you do on a daily basis in a big city? I play the guitar but that also feels like work because you need to get better and sometimes that involves doing boring practice...
Agreed that guitar can turn into work. I'm guilty of that too; when I first started out with guitar, I would overly intellectualize it. In fact, I had convinced myself that learning how to play the different modes across the neck and digging deep into music theory were important to my original goal: strumming and singing.
Hiking, visiting national / state parks, playing disk golf, bowling, mountain biking, carpentry, etc…
The key is finding something completely different, even antithetical, to what you do for work. For me that means I need to be away from computers, otherwise I just find another project.
Then I’d personally recommend checking out disk golf. It’s a relaxing hobby, and I’d be willing to bet local parks in your city would have a few holes.
Other ideas just off-hand would be:
- road biking : Most cities have groups who ride regularly. Always a better idea to join a group, both for motivation and visibility.
- cooking : This can be solitary or social (if you invite people for a meal). It’s easy to learn and hard to master, and the worst case is you end up with food.
- art / music : Take an art class. Local community colleges tend to have art 101 or other similar intro classes available for pretty cheap. Being creative is a great way to exercise parts of our brains that most of us don’t use much.
- reading : Join a book club. Stick with fantasy or sci-fi or something else which can’t accidentally become work. Go to a coffee shop and spend a few hours being antisocial but still in the vicinity of others.
- video games : Not much to say here. Video games are just fun and depending on the game, a great way to make friends is to join a guild in some competitive team game. I personally love a good rogue-like platformer (a.k.a Hollow Knight, when is the sequel supposed to release again?).
- D&D (or other table top games) : Same idea as video games but without the tech and with the guild built in. Check out a local game store and ask about joining a one-off.
Anyway, even if none of these work for you, I hope it at least helps get you thinking.
I turn everything into work...come back to work fully energized
Make fun the point of fun.
But, if you enjoy working, work. It's ok.
Finally, recognize that the idea of "time off" means the time is not your own. Cramming fun into your weekend reflects the idea that someone else dictates when the weekend happens, how long it is, and what happens before and after it.
I've been enjoying home improvement stuff so much! Replaced an electrical panel recently; replaced rotting wood and added a new window in my shed; added drywall in the space going into the basement. I have very little experience with all this - just learning primarily by watching YouTube and reading some things on the web (and a High School physics course helps understand forces at play / vector directions).
I've heard that many webdev people enjoy woodworking / etc. It is a lovely fit for some.
Hard exercise. Endorphins make you feel good and exercise makes the moments you aren't exercising better. Long stairs... No problem. Lugging heavy things around... Eat.
For me jiu jitsu is perfect. The socialization and formal progression make the exercise feel rewarding.
Take up a sport! I “sucked” at sports when I was at school, or at least that’s what the dynamics of school sports taught me. Turned out to be wrong, and actually it’s a just a matter of investing the time and effort to get good at something.
There’s a sport out there for every body-type, and quite simply the less athletically gifted you are the more you can gravitate towards “skill” sports where that matters a lot less.
The great thing about most sports is that they also come with a social scene that you can get involved in, and it becomes a whole enjoyable lifestyle. I also love the fact that sport is completely measurable compared to working life. Did I do a good job at work? Who’s to say, you’d probably need to wait 5 years to see the actual outcome, and it would be a matter of opinion. In most sports the result is clear, measurable and final. You did or you did not. End of story. I find it very satisfying.
To add to this, most sports have adult recreational leagues that have multiple levels based on skill. I played in a hockey league and the lowest level had people that were just learning to skate and the highest level was people who played in college, etc.
Is it ridiculous to play a game where everyone is an absolute beginner? For sure, it’s hilarious. But everyone is on the same level and there’s a huge amount of camaraderie that develops as a result. People from all walks of life skating around and falling on their asses, makes for a great time.
Been playing in beer leagues for a long time. There's one for everyone - whether it's hockey (my vice), baseball, softball, basketball, etc. - just tons of options.
It's half about the sport and half the people. I've made lots of friends playing hockey at midnight during the week.
I am the same. The solution for me was forcing myself to see friends and family. I’ve literally got reminders for this in my phone. And working out, there’s no keyboard in the gym.
My gf and i have been catching ourselves trying to monetize things. It helps just to point it out. Like, we do art and we don't have to make an etsy shop for any reason. When those ideas come up, we try to think about the personal experience that we value, and try to be critical of the sources of pressure to monetize hobbies.
Starting an athletic hobby as an adult has been kinda helpful, because knowing there are already thousands of child prodigies who are better than me makes me not have to worry about getting good enough to turn the hobby into a side hustle. Start something for fun that only people who started at age 4 can be professional at, and the pressure to become a professional isn't there lol
Yes but you can make a lifestyle blog of your athletic pursuit. It doesn't matter if other people are better than you at the sport, what matters is that you are better looking while doing it.
You think 99.99% of yoga blogs are by people that are the "best" at yoga? You think a transcendent yoga master would care about peddling Lululemon tights to the masses?
Don't forget the plastic surgery, filters, plastic surgery, toxic positivity daily affirmations, plastic surgery, and EPO/Steroids as appropriate to your sport. And plastic surgery.
I like drawing. I started a few years back mushing paints around to express my emotions, moved on to basic faces in pen over a couple of years, and now I'm doing pencil portraits.
Part of what I enjoy about it is that you're expressing what's coming to you, rather than trying to achieve a goal. It worked well to build up slowly through different levels of complexity, and it was fun to watch how things developed. I didn't have any aspiration to be able to draw like I can now when I first started.
For me, I had to find some things where you can enjoy it alone, but also find a community and sometimes be social: Roller skating, Pinball tournaments, board games (and board game bars). Pinball especially has been great for me, as it has a near unlimited skill ceiling, but is also fun and interesting even when playing poorly.
To find community, check out Instagram for local people in your hobby, and follow the trail of suggestions to the big local “community” accounts. E.g. my metro has 2-3 big roller skating community-run accounts that announce all of the events.
I personally found that making time for a “hobby” that was also athletic was a huge mood stabilizer and positively impacted the rest of my life as well. Highly recommend!
Do something that punishes you for turning it into work. I took up archery for a while (in NYC no less), and found that it required me to switch off before I could do it well.
I had a point in the past few years where I am not super interested in "fun" activities that I used to have (mainly guitar/video games) and just wanted to get better at development/infosec/etc only. Agreed with you that this is not healthy over the long run, although it has helped me considerably career-wise.
What helped for me is getting a girlfriend, which is easier said than done, I guess. Before, I would spend a lot of time just sitting at my computer making or learning something – which I still really like doing and is very important to me. However, now things are a lot more varied:
- We have been to 15+ concerts this year
- Cooking a lot together (this one I really recommend)
- Gone on a bunch of trips. This is easier if you don't have kids but this is the main thing that allows me to come back to work fully energized. Go for 2 weeks to Europe (or the US if you're from Europe) / Japan or whatever and come back ready to get shit done.
- Watch movies/TV – switch things up and go to an actual movie theater.
- Exercise/go on walks together
You can do all of these things yourself, but it is a lot more fun to do them with someone else. I am still spending a lot of time making, learning, and working my ass off, but now there is a healthy balance which I think has made me more efficient than before.
I am currently in the phase where I am sitting on my computer in my free time to learn things, both to advance my career (software developer) and my own hobby (also programming but my hobby is a bit different than my day job, so I learn different things), at the cost of other "fun" things that I sometimes feel like I would rather be doing
I am also looking for a boyfriend for exactly the same reasons you described; I want to find someone I can give my love to and do activities that I enjoy with, especially ones that have nothing to do with my career or programming hobby; hiking, going to metal concerts, etc.
But as you said, it's easier said than done; haven't had any luck yet
Tbh, I'm just looking for friends in general, not just a boyfriend because I have barely anyone I can call a friend in the city I live in
My mother, my daughter, and I create movie- and series-watching projects, and then watch through a bunch of things that have good to great ratings from critic aggregators. Currently we are watching through various things that deal with Russian history.
I play MMOs with my mother and my brother. As with the TV-watching, we come up with themed projects where we try something a bit out of the ordinary. For example, our current project is leveling up three Druids in World of Warcraft's Wrath of the Lich King Classic and three-manning all the 5-man dungeons within the recommended level range.
I write, play, and record songs and electronic music compositions.
I contribute to a few open-source projects, both my own and a couple of other people's. Because it's for fun, I almost always use Common Lisp.
I write science fiction novels. The current one is the fourth in a series about our solar system five thousand years in the future. Each one has taken longer to finish. I'm presently happy with my progress, though this one is taking longer than any of the previous ones, and I've started over eight or nine times so far.
I used to train, play with, and walk with my standard poodle. She died of a rare cancer last year about this time, around three to five years earlier than expected. We were very sad here. I'm waiting for breeding news from her breeder. Our plan is to adopt her great-great-grandniece and resume training, playing, and walking.
I practice training routines I learned from the Taijiquan teachers from Chen Village. I practice gently now, because of some serious chronic health issues. I will never get to where I was in 2001 or so, but I've been making a little progress lately.
Fishing (spinning is a technique that avoids touching live bait if that concerns you). Reading novels. Reading poetry. Making origamis. Taking long walks.
Recently, trying to translate "Also sprach Zarathustra" without prior German knowledge.
So true. My hobbies are work too because as soon as I want to drill deeper into anything (even hand drawn DND maps) I figured I need a lot of practices. Looks like I have a serious attitude towards life but don't have the energy to grit through it.
These are the fun activities I do:
1. Hiking in state and national parks
2. Weight training
3. Reading general books on history, personal development etc
4. Playing with my kids and helping them with various activities
5. Dance workouts based of Bollywood songs
6. Exploring local restaurants
I think you've made an important step in identifying something you are doing which you feel is unhealthy. It might be worth investigating this through the lens of mindfulness and learn more about yourself here.
You are most likely turning everything into work because your mind is seeking comfort there. You also might already have good ideas about having fun. Hell, you have good ideas for what fun means _to you_ because you know yourself so well. In this case, getting new ideas about fun might not be the solution here.
Think more about whats blocking you from having fun in ways you already know about. What opportunities are quite accessible to you, and rationally they seem like great ideas but you can't "go there" for whatever reason. Pay attention to moments when you retreat back into your work. What are you avoiding? Or what are moving towards?
I think it's great you recognized "a bug" in some sense and want to fix it. Sometimes we just need to run our lives with a "debug build" for a while. Add some overhead to start paying attention to yourself. If you notice something there, make small changes to tease that bug out of your life.
I think if did this for a few months you would find yourself having more fun. In ways you already know ho to have fun and unwind. And you would be more energized at work.
> make small changes to tease that bug out of your life
Highlighting what always worked for me. When feeling stuck, do not overanalyze statically, use your intuition to make changes, any changes, and observe the dynamics from within.
53 comments
[ 4.8 ms ] story [ 113 ms ] threadSocial media, the odd party, reading stuff that interests me but is unlikely to be of any 'use', listening to Internet Archive's stream of 78s, ...
Also doing little coding fixes on my pet projects that I couldn't necessarily justify as 'worth it' but that I want to do, including unnecessary optimisations!
So, I probably don't do enough fun either.
I started with a 'DW "Go Anywhere" Practice Kit' and I added a cheap "Millenium Still Series Cymbal Set".
It's not a loud setup but preventing the kick drum vibrations to annoy my neighbours has also been a challenge so I guess I also have fun experimenting with that.
English is not my first language, sorry if I sound weird.
A much cheaper alternative is to DIY a similar platform using some boards and a bunch of tennis balls cut in half[1]
[0] https://www.roland.com/ca/products/ne-10/
[1] https://www.reddit.com/r/edrums/comments/6f3n81/tennis_ball_...
[0] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAxxviPW7Bc
https://www.roland.com/us/products/handsonic_hpd-20/
It's not a substitute for a regular drum kit, but it you like hand drums it's pretty cool in combination with a DAW. There's a foot pedal you can use with it, but so far I'm I'm doing fine without it.
Otherwise, I read, spend time with my family, cook new dishes, or code things that I like at the moment.
The key is finding something completely different, even antithetical, to what you do for work. For me that means I need to be away from computers, otherwise I just find another project.
Other ideas just off-hand would be: - road biking : Most cities have groups who ride regularly. Always a better idea to join a group, both for motivation and visibility. - cooking : This can be solitary or social (if you invite people for a meal). It’s easy to learn and hard to master, and the worst case is you end up with food. - art / music : Take an art class. Local community colleges tend to have art 101 or other similar intro classes available for pretty cheap. Being creative is a great way to exercise parts of our brains that most of us don’t use much. - reading : Join a book club. Stick with fantasy or sci-fi or something else which can’t accidentally become work. Go to a coffee shop and spend a few hours being antisocial but still in the vicinity of others. - video games : Not much to say here. Video games are just fun and depending on the game, a great way to make friends is to join a guild in some competitive team game. I personally love a good rogue-like platformer (a.k.a Hollow Knight, when is the sequel supposed to release again?). - D&D (or other table top games) : Same idea as video games but without the tech and with the guild built in. Check out a local game store and ask about joining a one-off.
Anyway, even if none of these work for you, I hope it at least helps get you thinking.
Make fun the point of fun.
But, if you enjoy working, work. It's ok.
Finally, recognize that the idea of "time off" means the time is not your own. Cramming fun into your weekend reflects the idea that someone else dictates when the weekend happens, how long it is, and what happens before and after it.
Good luck.
I've heard that many webdev people enjoy woodworking / etc. It is a lovely fit for some.
That being said:
I enjoy woodworking and other maker activities. Its nice to work in a physical space, rather than on a computer.
I enjoy hiking, camping, and generally being outdoors. It just feels natural to me and it's a nice way to disconnect from the busyness of the world.
For me jiu jitsu is perfect. The socialization and formal progression make the exercise feel rewarding.
There’s a sport out there for every body-type, and quite simply the less athletically gifted you are the more you can gravitate towards “skill” sports where that matters a lot less.
The great thing about most sports is that they also come with a social scene that you can get involved in, and it becomes a whole enjoyable lifestyle. I also love the fact that sport is completely measurable compared to working life. Did I do a good job at work? Who’s to say, you’d probably need to wait 5 years to see the actual outcome, and it would be a matter of opinion. In most sports the result is clear, measurable and final. You did or you did not. End of story. I find it very satisfying.
Is it ridiculous to play a game where everyone is an absolute beginner? For sure, it’s hilarious. But everyone is on the same level and there’s a huge amount of camaraderie that develops as a result. People from all walks of life skating around and falling on their asses, makes for a great time.
It's half about the sport and half the people. I've made lots of friends playing hockey at midnight during the week.
Starting an athletic hobby as an adult has been kinda helpful, because knowing there are already thousands of child prodigies who are better than me makes me not have to worry about getting good enough to turn the hobby into a side hustle. Start something for fun that only people who started at age 4 can be professional at, and the pressure to become a professional isn't there lol
You think 99.99% of yoga blogs are by people that are the "best" at yoga? You think a transcendent yoga master would care about peddling Lululemon tights to the masses?
Don't forget the plastic surgery, filters, plastic surgery, toxic positivity daily affirmations, plastic surgery, and EPO/Steroids as appropriate to your sport. And plastic surgery.
Part of what I enjoy about it is that you're expressing what's coming to you, rather than trying to achieve a goal. It worked well to build up slowly through different levels of complexity, and it was fun to watch how things developed. I didn't have any aspiration to be able to draw like I can now when I first started.
To find community, check out Instagram for local people in your hobby, and follow the trail of suggestions to the big local “community” accounts. E.g. my metro has 2-3 big roller skating community-run accounts that announce all of the events.
I personally found that making time for a “hobby” that was also athletic was a huge mood stabilizer and positively impacted the rest of my life as well. Highly recommend!
What helped for me is getting a girlfriend, which is easier said than done, I guess. Before, I would spend a lot of time just sitting at my computer making or learning something – which I still really like doing and is very important to me. However, now things are a lot more varied:
- We have been to 15+ concerts this year
- Cooking a lot together (this one I really recommend)
- Gone on a bunch of trips. This is easier if you don't have kids but this is the main thing that allows me to come back to work fully energized. Go for 2 weeks to Europe (or the US if you're from Europe) / Japan or whatever and come back ready to get shit done.
- Watch movies/TV – switch things up and go to an actual movie theater.
- Exercise/go on walks together
You can do all of these things yourself, but it is a lot more fun to do them with someone else. I am still spending a lot of time making, learning, and working my ass off, but now there is a healthy balance which I think has made me more efficient than before.
I am also looking for a boyfriend for exactly the same reasons you described; I want to find someone I can give my love to and do activities that I enjoy with, especially ones that have nothing to do with my career or programming hobby; hiking, going to metal concerts, etc.
But as you said, it's easier said than done; haven't had any luck yet
Tbh, I'm just looking for friends in general, not just a boyfriend because I have barely anyone I can call a friend in the city I live in
One of things I practiced is a humanities-day when I would go to a museum, and be disconnected for the most part of the day.
I play MMOs with my mother and my brother. As with the TV-watching, we come up with themed projects where we try something a bit out of the ordinary. For example, our current project is leveling up three Druids in World of Warcraft's Wrath of the Lich King Classic and three-manning all the 5-man dungeons within the recommended level range.
I write, play, and record songs and electronic music compositions.
I contribute to a few open-source projects, both my own and a couple of other people's. Because it's for fun, I almost always use Common Lisp.
I write science fiction novels. The current one is the fourth in a series about our solar system five thousand years in the future. Each one has taken longer to finish. I'm presently happy with my progress, though this one is taking longer than any of the previous ones, and I've started over eight or nine times so far.
I used to train, play with, and walk with my standard poodle. She died of a rare cancer last year about this time, around three to five years earlier than expected. We were very sad here. I'm waiting for breeding news from her breeder. Our plan is to adopt her great-great-grandniece and resume training, playing, and walking.
I practice training routines I learned from the Taijiquan teachers from Chen Village. I practice gently now, because of some serious chronic health issues. I will never get to where I was in 2001 or so, but I've been making a little progress lately.
Recently, trying to translate "Also sprach Zarathustra" without prior German knowledge.
You are most likely turning everything into work because your mind is seeking comfort there. You also might already have good ideas about having fun. Hell, you have good ideas for what fun means _to you_ because you know yourself so well. In this case, getting new ideas about fun might not be the solution here.
Think more about whats blocking you from having fun in ways you already know about. What opportunities are quite accessible to you, and rationally they seem like great ideas but you can't "go there" for whatever reason. Pay attention to moments when you retreat back into your work. What are you avoiding? Or what are moving towards?
I think it's great you recognized "a bug" in some sense and want to fix it. Sometimes we just need to run our lives with a "debug build" for a while. Add some overhead to start paying attention to yourself. If you notice something there, make small changes to tease that bug out of your life.
I think if did this for a few months you would find yourself having more fun. In ways you already know ho to have fun and unwind. And you would be more energized at work.
Highlighting what always worked for me. When feeling stuck, do not overanalyze statically, use your intuition to make changes, any changes, and observe the dynamics from within.
Anecdata, YMMV.