Tell HN: Can't turn off “grind mode”

Find something else that you can direct your grind into. Personally, I found Jiu Jitsu to be a great outlet for the grind.

I would say work on a project that you want for yourself, regardless of whether or not if there is a market for it. If you're already in a well-paying job, money should not be the cause of your concerns. Work on something out of principle rather than out of profit.

I find the gym helps me wind down a bit, but I have to make it a habit else I start making excuses not to go because I could be working on something productive, even though that hour or two would be no real loss, and getting pumped a bit actually improves my focus.

I've been in 'grind mode' for my whole adult life (late 30s) and there's no sign of it stopping. For me I have the opposite issue: If I'm out drinking with friends for example, I enjoy myself and can wind down, but afterwards I feel like maybe it was wasted time I could've been working. I actually feel really uncomfortable about going out until my foot is out of the door, and only then can I 'switch off' for a while, but doing it often is exhausting. A day drinking is really two days wasted because the next day tends to be unproductive with the cloudy head from a hangover. Once in a while does help to clear the mind a bit.

I don't know anyone who can turn it on and off on a dime. But it isn't difficult to turn off in my experience, just takes removing the behavior (side projects) from your routine for about a month. Once off, it's hard to turn on again, which may (or may not) be an acceptable outcome.

they asked eckhart tolle once what he considers his greatest accomplishment and he replied: the ability to stop thinking.

I know how you feel. Today I had an unexpected day off and the default thinking mode is how to use this day efficiently. I decided against doing anything productive, but even then I try to make sure I read the "best" book (ideally a classic) or find the best spot to enjoy my coffee, which should be the best as well. It is crazy.

What works for me, which I eventually managed to do today is to get off the computer and get outside. Just pick a direction and go. I took a bike ride, brought a coffee and a book and just sat on a bench watching people, reading and remembering that life is good. It doesn't really matter what I do as long as I get out. Nature works best, but going to a museum or just some new shop in the neighborhood also works. Even if I feel awkward as hell in the beginning as it just feels weird to do these things alone.

A few months ago, I realized that my pursuit of "The Grind" was a victimhood-mindset related to work. I felt helpless under the weight of my own aspirations.

What helped me was re-framing it as a discipline problem. I decided to take responsibility for my own dreams and energy. I decided to learn when to start and stop.

[1] https://taylor.town/beware-the-grind

You aren't going to find answers to fairly complex psychological issues on a forum (until at least chatgpt3 is trained on entirety of psychological/psychiatric research)

You could have DaVinci syndrome. Leonardo DaVinci had many unfinished side-projects, and I imagine was overwhelmed by that. I know I have it, but I've learned my mind always has to have something to work on, or some hurdle/problem. I'm just wired that way. Projects don't always have to be finished though. They could just be a learning exercise or a prototype, and then discarded.

well, I am having the opposite problem of cant turning on the "grind mode". Wish i had your problem.

I had (have) the same problem. Most people are addicted to food/alcohol/TV, you are addicted to working and productivity.

I am still figuring it out, but here's some things I've done:

- channel this "grind" elsewhere. I channeled it into landscaping (good for health), cooking (make delicious meal for your friends) and reading (find a NON programming yet technical area, maybe biology, physics, ethics, etc) exercise, etc.

- deliberately make friends who are not interested in tech, then you are forced to talk about other things.

Good luck!

** PLEASE READ **

You are not in grind mode. You are literally (mildly) depressed.

Every project you don't finish makes you feel increasingly unaccomplished, and tech is big on survivorship bias on great successes, while you are there, abandoning yet another github repo.

So you scramble to start building again, because you know you can do it, you HAVE TO do it. Because you feel that's the only moment when you feel you are doing the right thing. In reality, the relief you feel is due to an oxytocin/dopamine cocktail produced by the rush of making something, that makes that haunting hollow inside go to sleep.

But it is only sleeping, it's NOT going away.

The more desperate you become to get an idea, the less you feel you are getting "worthy" ideas to start with. And you keep feeling worse.

Another side effect: the more you'll keep at this, the sooner and sooner you will feel unaccomplished with your next projects, abandoning them sooner the before, until you will stop building cause you can't take it anymore.

Grinding is about always working, for a reason. You are not grinding.

You are trying to extinguish a fire with matchsticks.

The superficial advice would be "put your energy in a hobby", but honestly it doesn't work that way. Aside from seeking professional help, TRY to understand yourself better, WHY do you feel you have to build something great, why are you looking for success in the first place?

You know you are not really useless, but why do you feel useless? What is actually "useless and stagnant" (your words) that you are trying to get rid of?

The question might seem stupid or trivial ("duh, who wouldn't want success?") but it is not, and the answer is most likely NOT in your "work".

It's a double edged sword. Try putting off work on atleast one of your projects for a week now and then and see what happens. Don't do everything at once.

In what sense is idle time useless? Working well after your needs are met is a far worse waste of life.

Time well spent can be lingering in a cafe with a good book, or riding your bicycle around a lake. It can be a lavish home-cooked meal, or time with people you love.

Perhaps you need to reconsider what constitutes time well spent, and where the hustle fits in this.

Well, I feel useless even when I am working on stuff. It's probably better that you are actually getting stuff done, unlike me.