Ask HN: I was fired and I'm pissed off, how to avoid burning bridges?

2. Get out a pen and paper. Write out several physical letters expressing your anger at the relevant parties.

3. Put them in a folder to read next week and decide if you want to send.

I recommend you sleep on this for a week. Your first reaction is almost never the right one.

From what you've written, they very possibly look fondly on your early involvement. Getting demotivated isn't wrong or bad; we're all human. And even if they are salty, the tech world is huge and potential employers rarely dig deep into your past employment.

The most important thing is not to dwell on this. It has a large potential to sap energy from future endeavors, which would be much more tragic. Instead, use it as motivation to build even better things.

You are angry and are still emotionally processing and reacting to what has happened to you. Your mind is focused on looking backwards and stuck thinking about your former employer.

For me, what helped was: talking to the other people in your life - your friends and family, ideally in person. Get plenty of exercise and sunlight. Take a break from the screen and social media.

When you have had enough time and space to mentally reset, you may find that you're not thinking about your former job or former managers any more. Instead you'll be thinking about what you are doing in the moment, or what you would like to do next - and that mode of thinking will be much more interesting, and positive, and productive for you.

If in the short term you need to keep the income flowing in, to support yourself or your family, consider looking for a next job that may not be your dream job, but pays well enough, and is one that you don't keep thinking about when you clock off work. After a bad job, a new job with no mental/emotional/political baggage can feel somewhat like a holiday.

Once your short-term financial situation is stable, and your mind has settled down and can think about your future rather than being fixed looking back, it could be a good time to start thinking about and working toward a longer term goal - a goal of your own, not the goals of your employers.

You don't have to burn bridges at all. Just because no one reached out to you doesn't mean anything. Life goes on. They are still working their jobs, they are still doing what they have to do, and that's all there is to it. Unfortunately, out of sight, out of mind, they aren't thinking of you. And they aren't required to do so. But to make sure you justify your being there, list it all on your resume.

I took a company outside the United States from a small local company to a global company starting at just around 3% of the North America market share and I left when it was at around 22%. I'd say that's pretty damn good. After they hired me with a generous salary for part-time work, I would offer them suggestions and work closely with them to tell them exactly what they needed to implement to be better, and while it took a while, 90% of my suggestions were implemented.

Just to iterate my own story to you. I wasn't the developer nor the founder, but I'd come across a new company pretty early. I was new to cloud computing and still learning while they had years of experience, they were still new to being a new company. I came across their website and their English wasn't good. Their product was semi-broken. I took screenshots of starting from scratch all the way to finish and the product was just broken. To even install it was a lot of work, which I also helped them to turn it into just a few clicks. But at first, I wasn't really interested in their product after it broke and had found another that 'just worked'.

But they were still wanting me to use their product. They had me 'translate' a few pages into better English for them but I got bored and stopped. I sent them a few examples and thought I was done. For about a year, the CEO chatted with me and really wanted me to join their team as they really liked the way I explained how to use their product. Finally, I joined and first started working on blog posts before they switched me over working with their team on creating a user-friendly knowledgebase.

I'd also had a hand in a lot of suggestions for development and the way they were going. I had built my own web hosting service with another product but met the CEO in Canada, where I showed him everything. From there, they grabbed all my ideas and implemented them into their own program. I was then invited to their country of Malaysia, where I got to meet everyone, just before COVID-19 hit.

After I flew home, I had a better understanding of my role in their company, and we worked for years together. Their product was becoming very solid, stable, and everything anyone could ever want in server management software. IMO, they were even better than CPanel. Eventually, however, after almost 4 years of working for them, I had wrapped up a lot of their knowledgebase, and my workload was becoming less and less, and they started having me train their interns and load them up with knowledge about the software, before they eventually let me go. I wanted to stay. I was doing everything and anything to justify my paycheck, but ultimately, we had accomplished the main goals they wanted me to do for them and there was nothing more I could do.

While I was sad, there were really no hard feelings. And looking back at my accomplishments with them -- from a product that barely worked to a full-blown in-demand service that went from catering to the Asia-only (Malaysia and Indonesia) market to the entire world... at least my side of the globe at 22% market share, I can only be grateful they gave me such an oppo...

You have every right to feel what you’re feeling.

Actions have consequences. You have to decide if those consequences are worth it (in this case usually not).

With time you’ll move on and not care so much about it, even though right now it stings.

Focus on what you can do to better your situation versus what you can do to feel better about your situation. Lashing out at others doesn’t have a good payoff. Prepping resume and getting an even better paying job with better people is a better FU to the ones who fired you.

All the best

But you weren’t a founder and could get ignored or fired anytime. Been there done that, required a therapy session to even realize the fact. It’s easy to fall into this “we” trap. There’s no “we”.

I was transparent about my feelings, I got a call from my direct manager (one of the founders) and was fired. <skim>. They always said that it was ok to be transparent about my feelings, but it actually got me fired

Time to learn a lesson. Only be transparent about feelings which you think will get you into a better position (\1). You may have thought you’re something like a child of this company, but you are not. It isn’t a family, and they’re not your friends, though it’s so nice to think about it that way.

how to avoid burning bridges

Avoid contact for half a year or so (avoid blocks too). You may have left an impression, they may have left it too, but it will fade away eventually. Take your time to realize what you missed and imagined. And if you’d be still interested in them (may be not), contact with an explanation/reintroduction that statisfies \1.

Never assume you are on the same level as the founders. There is no “family” and the “culture” is really a “cult”.

Never share your true thoughts or feelings. Tell them what they want to hear or whatever makes them feel in power and exert your true power elsewhere. Err, read the 48 Laws of Power and then apply it.

I didn’t burn that bridge but I burnt every one after it if I was crossed. I maintain a shit list of companies and people to take down in the future.