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Startup founder spouses, how can I be the most supportive partner possible?

6 points by rfwhyte ↗ HN
My partner, a wonderful, amazing, brilliant and hard-working woman, is working on building a startup in the HR space (her former career) and while I have no doubts about her passion, drive and ability to succeed in her venture, I'd be very curious to hear from spouses of other startup founders what their experiences have been and any suggestions you might have as to how I can be the most supportive domestic / romantic / life partner possible to my spouse as she goes through her founder journey?

TIA for any and all shared experiences or suggestions!

5 comments

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aitoppicks
- Small acts of service (heating dinner for them, randomly hugging them) - Verbal (acknowledge how exhausted they might be, and ask if they need anything to ease of the day stress) - Venting (let them vent, you don't need to suggest anything, just listen and let them feel heard)
muzani
I have a friend who quit a big consulting job to do her own startup. Someone once asked her how she deals with being a woman in tech and the risk of failure as a wife.

Her answer: "What risk? I'm an Asian woman. My husband gives me money."

It's a joke, but I think there's some truth to that. The security net is what helps them the most.

Also while I was a founder, I used to look for cofounders because apparently the stats tell you that you need one to survive. But most of those stats are from unmarried 20 year olds. Cofounders, even dead weight ones, are useful for bouncing ideas and giving moral support. With marriage, you get a free cofounder who you're going to share all the profits with anyway.

seanmcdirmid
My wife says we should go into a side business all the time but I’d rather not have the chance of ending my marriage over a business dispute. We aren’t compatible on that way, and divorce is expensive.
meiraleal
His point is that a wife/husband help same way as a co-founder even if they don't participate in the business because they still can help you go through ideas, change of plans, etc.
bruce511
Starting a business is hard work, long hours, little pay. Frankly, most never make money, something like 90% won't survive 5 years, half the survivors will be gone in the next 5.

When I started mine pay was erratic, and infrequent, so we lived within 1 income (my wifes).

Fast forward though, we did survive , and my wife "retired" from her job very early.

So, I'd recommend having a financial chat. Cover expectations, sure you want instant sucess, but if you budget within your salary she has time to focus on her business without added stress of family finances.

In essence you are her first investor. Together you are investing her old salary for a long-term return. Framing it like this helps to formalise what you are both sacrificing,and for what outcome.

And if it fails there's no hard feelings. Sometimes investments fail. You're both in. You succeed or fail together.