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Tell HN: Burned out and ruined, still trying to end it

5 points by provenance ↗ HN
Still trying to commit suicide. I tried coding and it was too stressful. Currently homeless and with $10 cash. I keep a rope in my bag. I haven’t been able to overcome fear of death but am set on being dead now.

Someone offered me a good job and offered to help get me a place to live, but I already know it will end badly with near certain probability. Turned it down.

Stay healthy out there, hn.

5 comments

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Nales
Go talk to this person, and accept the job and help. Ignore the thoughts you can have on refusing this person's help. Do the job without pushing yourself too much. Use the money to follow a therapy and to try new things as silly as they may seem (workout, meditation, sophrology, hypnosis...) as long as they are not harmful (drug consumption, gambling...). Let yourself at least a year before considering suicide as an option.

Good luck in your life. You are rock-bottom in your life right now, but that does not mean you cannot have a good and happy life later.

provenance
Nah, amongst dozens of other incidents: Google mocked the suicide of a close childhood friend to me, then put me into a nonconsentual undisclosed matchmaker algo with a schizophrenic felon to discredit me, ostensibly/clearly on behalf of some wealthy folks with google exec connections. Any attempt to seek clarity on this from google has been ignored. I refuse to go forward in a society where ubiquitous technical surveillance is wielded by irresponsible malicious unaccountable entities like Sundar Pichai’s corp.

I was stalked and harassed using my private iMessages during the death of a parent. I refuse to go forward in a society where such coordinated bullying is allowed to occur. America is supposed to be first world but it’s a total shithole filled with low class, unaccountable scum. A lifetime of experience confirms this. Looking at the next generation, American culture will become far worse by 2030, 2040.

I’d rather be dead now.

yuppie_scum
Text HOME to 741741 or call 1-800-273-8255 please
provenance
I’ve been down that road, friend. Thanks.

I’ll drink coffee today with my remaining cash, and I’ll await a response from Google to explain themselves to me.

**Google, you have until today. I tried reaching out to you repeatedly and it’s all fallen on deaf ears. Last chance, scumbags.**

After today when google inevitably doesn’t respond, I’ll know for sure that this society is corrupt. I will be further cemented in my position: this society is doomed and I have zero desire to be part of it.

provenance
Ok sir, I called 988 and was told not to kill myself and was told that if I am feeling suicidal they can send out a crisis worker. This will lead to me being possibly institutionalized in a shitty situation worse than the one I am in now.

Do you have any other advice?