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Fixed assets and a decked-out workspace are nice... but still feel like gimmicks.

What I want is career advancement with quantitative goals and actual feedback from a competent manager to meeting them, and an interesting problem space to work in. If you can't give me the latter then at least give me the former. If you won't give me either, I will start looking.

I always make sure to give those too. This is by no means to say this covers all bases.
In my mind those put you head and shoulders above the majority of other employers out there already - or at least with the 5 I've worked with in my career. :)
I try to be a great place to work :) So far I've never had anyone quit or leave.
More than head & shoulders, you're dancing on the desks of lesser employers as they slink deeper into their executive chairs.
That’s great, but doesn’t help those of us who are stuck in places that don’t have this luxury.
Tell them to follow my lead.
> $8,000 desktop for the office

Holy crap O_o; My dream machine on https://www.bargainhardware.co.uk/ was only $7k.

I haven't had a Dedicated Machine in so long. I've forgotten what it's like to have a crufty machine with decades of projects on it. Lots of envy from me.

Maybe someday! After all, hardware can be improved and stuff can always be copied to larger hard drives.

"I want to develop on an OpenBSD machine."

Still waiting on that one. Afraid to ask.

This was a serious Threadripper machine in 2018. And yes, running BSD.
Guaranteed regular annual pay raises (well above inflation) might have something to do with it.
I'm sure that plays a part as well, although the feedback we get on giving them all the equipment they ever want is phenomenal and they constantly talk about it.
This article is a good example who managers look down on engineering in general. It’s all about placating engineers as kids who love their fun.

It’s one thing to make engineers feel respected, but as this article nicely demonstrates the author does not have an ounce of respect in reality.

What could possibly make you say that? I am the author, and an engineer. I pay my engineers 1% salaries and give them lots of toys. They get autonomy and purpose in their work. What more could you want?
The toys thing is exactly that. It is highly disrespectful and demeaning.

And you keep on returning to this as if it was good when in reality it is signalling how low you actually value engineers.

Maybe you just do not see it? IMHO respect for an engineer would be supporting and growing their specific skill set and character. Not toys.

Hmm, as an engineer good toys are huge. It shows respect for my time to buy good equipment. Is it calling them toys you object to? I guess I also phrase things as "let's play with this..." So toys seems a good colloquial way of referring to things.