Ask HN: How to navigate the world as a brain-damaged 17 year old?

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First of all, Oxbridge is not that big a deal. I went there, it's just a bunch of people studying the same stuff they study everywhere else.

Second, what medical help are you getting? Seek out professional advice on whatever condition you've got.

You seem like you're still brighter than most people in your cohort. Don't be disheartened. If you can code, there will be things for you to do.

But find out about your condition first, and worry about uni afterwards. It's not the end of the world taking some time out either, just to de-stress.

It sucks what happened to you but look at the positive side, you’re still here with us. Could’ve been worse. The brain is amazingly good at recovery so give it time.

Hey, sorry to hear about the bullies, I don't understand why everyone tolerates the tragically broken school systems we have (I'm in the U.S., and my experience with school wasn't great either. Nobody cares here either.)

I can't give much in terms of life advice, but maybe you'll find this video from Strange Parts interesting, a YouTuber who almost lost everything due to a head injury and got terrible advice from well-meaning medical professionals. I have No idea if this could possibly be useful, but I hate the idea that someone might be able to recover still but never gets the right help.

https://youtu.be/Gs790JOeN3Y

There's so many different kinds of head injuries, though, and I'm sure they are all very different. But, I still wish you best of luck in recovery.

Make sure your diet is good & healthy, and get regular exercise. Walking is good.

Supplements would likely help. B Complex (10-25mg for most B vitamins), magnesium, zinc, lutein (20mg) and fish oil are all good. Most of those, if not all, fight inflammation and help with recovery and fight fatigue.

Try doing crosswords and mental math. Both work your memory in different ways.

Brains heal, but very slowly. (My wife has brain damage.)

I recommend more rest for a few years.

Also, learn to fight back hard.

Not helping solve your problem, but regardless alertness talk to your doctor about Modafinil or Adrafinil - both are non-addictive "vigilance" drugs, I have hypersomnia and mild narcolepsy; I've been taking Modafinil for over 9 years and it's truly transformed my life.

Get a university degree. The quality of the university does not really matter, especially not in the long term.

I went to a shitty unknown school in France but I got hired in Amazon as a new grad and have been working there for years now (in the UK since 2 years). I have constantly people from top companies reaching out to me with job offers.

Going straight for freelance or any type of work after A levels is simply a total waste and a terrible idea. Get your degree, get a decent job and start your freelance business on the side. Only go full time once you have enough work to sustain yourself.

You might look into neurofeedback. It has helped some people regain brain function. When it works, it can work well, and it's non-invasive so you don't have to worry about side effects. The book Symphony in the Brain is probably the best intro. There's also a chapter in the book The Body Keeps the Score.

The bullies might have gotten away with this criminal-wise but what about civil damages? It looks like they severely damaged your ability to sustain yourself financially.

I've read about a few people who've recovered from brain injuries - but it does seem to take ages - so hang in there!

The guy who runs the Strange Parts channel has a video about his recovery; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gs790JOeN3Y

I'm not sure what the situation is like in the UK but is this all stuff that needs to happen now? Because you don't sound like you're doing too well. You're studying drugged on caffeine and painkillers and then wonder why you don't retain information well.

From what I've seen first hand a concussion like this needs time to heal. Your brain, the organ responsible for processing information, has been harmed and needs to heal.

The main thing you need is time, which you seem to be lacking severely. That is the part I would focus on first. I'm not familiar enough with the UK's educational system to tell you how, but if you know where you want to end up try to find a way that gives you more time (whether that means starting later or starting something else and then transferring).

If you can afford it, the gap year sounds like a good start as it would give you some time for the NHS to catch up and for your body to heal.

I do not recommend freelancing, as it is likely to generate even more stress. From the options you mention, the local uni would be my choice: I didn't know how much I didn't know until I started CS, and I've never had anyone actually care about who gave me my degree.

For what it's worth: you still write very well.

You went through a highly traumatic event. Be kind to yourself. What I read in between the lines is that you maybe have too high expectations for someone that experience such a thing recently. You're young and you have plenty of time to recover. Pick the one thing you enjoy the most and focus on that for a while. See if that helps.

Let yourself recover.

You're already asking for help, though HN may not be the ideal venue for this. Try to get into therapy (of whatever kind helps you the most).

Firstly, read about the recovery of YC founder Hiroki Takeuchi after his injuries. He built a team and led a company that was a highlight of my professional life and which is still growing strong.

Then, find two communities of people local to you.

The first, fellow programmers to continue to practice your craft alongside.

The second, people who do something with their bodies — dancing or rock climbing or basketball.

It may feel like the people at your school whom you would have expected to protect you have betrayed you. They have indeed failed you. It is tempting to hide away to be alone. It is tempting to only reach out to people on the internet who can at best offer superficial companionship. I ask you to resist that temptation.

There are still people who care even though they are human. In this moment what matters is that you find people to be beside you so that you still have a team. Few things are built alone. Many are built by building a team.

> I was off school for 6 months and I have post-concussion syndrome. I am now below average intelligence.

I had a lot of concussions as a kid; at one point I had three in a row the effectively zeroed out my short term memory. I had a task to memorize 5 paragraphs from some Shakespeare writing. Additionally, I was unable to do basic math in the timelines given for testing. Among those symptoms I'd also stopped eating and my childhood depression worsened. Things didn't look too good.

I went to cognitive neurotherapy done by Dr Jonathan Walker (https://www.neurotherapydallas.com/copy-of-about-1) in Dallas, TX. I was first given a brain scan to set a baseline and did months of EEG oriented games that targeted areas of my brain that were seemingly less active. At some point I had a small seizure while playing the games and the ease with which I played increased rapidly. Within a couple weeks I was able to memorize the lines I was required to and my math returned to functional levels. Check in to cognitive neurotherapy, as far as I know it's still experimental but it seemed to help me a lot. They also give it to war veterans with TBI (Traumatic brain injuries) at the VA.

Tough road, kid, tough road. I had pretty serious brain damage when I was a child -- dyspraxia, dysgraphia, a bunch of other poorly-understood stuff -- and even today I'm still patchy. I've learned to have NT people handle the stuff I don't, like calendaring (I can't do time zones at all) and to be sensitive about tabulated data. I'm 51 now, and I've had a fairly successful career spanning a number of fields.

Two lessons from my experience.

1) the brain is incredibly plastic and over time figures out how to get things done

2) intense practice of very simple activities leads to very surprising and dramatic rewards -- video games with a strong hand-eye coordination component vastly improved my dyspraxia (at my age, we're talking Pac Man in arcades!) and then I moved on to tai chi. Deliberate practice of very simple things seems to be powerfully transformative for people struggling with neurological issues in general.

I don't know how much it helps, but strong odds there is a future. The year between A Levels and university to give yourself time to heal before you go straight into the next thing is a great idea. I also imagine there's a ton of emotional fall out from your attack and that also takes time to heal.

Shit hand of cards. You sound like you're doing a good job of coping. Keep on going it will improve over time.

Can you get your brain damage recognised as an official disability. That might assist you getting admitted into University or government jobs. I doubt you want to play the disability card but future you might forgive present you. And the best case scenario is that your brain gets better and you do great in your job.

Changing the subject you say, "When I've been able to rest for a extended period I feel almost like I used to, but everything degrades whenever I try to actually do something". People recovering from CFS or long Covid are (I think) given explicit advice to not push yourself because you will stay broken. I'm really sorry because that advice is not compatible with A levels study and the expectations that you have of what you _should_ be able to achieve.

Good luck

Freelance means more control over when you work and what you work on, but it also means more effort to find work, keep your finances in order, and ensure that you are meeting the demands of your clients (who maybe sympathetic to your situation to start with, but that might change if you fail to meet deadlines).

Existing in a team environment, with hopefully support and compassion, may be better for you while your recover, and you'll gain professional insights you don't get when working by yourself.

That must have been a very difficult experience to survive! Do you find yourself coming back to it? I know from experience that trauma can get in the way of functioning and look like reduced intelligence and focusing. Being joyous is part of being healthy and motivated, it keeps our juices running. Do you have enough help to process emotions related with that? You seem very energetic and trying hard to keep to some standards or promises. No matter what happened to your brain, you as a body and soul deserve very much care, compassion and attention, give yourself as much love and trust as you can and ask people close to you for more. I wish you get everywhere in life you wanted, maybe for some time you will just move slower than you hoped :( Give yourself full permission to go as slow or as fast as you can!

Sounds like you are very ambitious

But something quite traumatic has happened to you

Those symptoms you are experiencing could be your body trying to protect yourself

It sounds like you're trying to ignore those signals with caffeine tablets and other bypasses

If I was in your position I would start trying to figure out when you experience disregularation so you can notice it

I'd also be thinking about grieving for yourself and trying to process those signals your body is telling you

This is not an easy thing to do

If I were you I would try to get a job where people are aware of your situation and give your breaks whenever you need them. Freelancing adds extra stress, because you are outside the "easy" system for taxes, welfare and healthcare. As an employee all this is handled by your employer, which can be a great relief in times of stress. Maybe try to find a job at a government related employer. At least in my country they are generally less performance oriented.

Also, like others said, don't write yourself off. Your injury may need time to heal and you may be back sooner than you think. Try everything not to burn out until then.

I may not a great advice giver in this context, because my only qualification is that I write a fair bit of code and I'm in a university. But two things stand out to me.

1. Your value in life does not depend on any academic or other accomplishments. There are many people I respect that are not what you would call accomplished. Your brain damage may have changed you, but if I knew you in real life, I would not respect you less -- I would likely respect you more, because you sound like a fighter. That being said, choose your battles and try to find the path of least resistance.

2. Regarding universities, a lot of professors are happy to make accommodations. Communication is everything. You have shown spirit, and people rightfully respect that, because it's not all about how much code or papers or whatever other metric you can bash out. It's all about real life issues you are motivated to work on, and you will notice that when you get to a stage where writing letters is more important than grades. I don't know if that is already the case to some degree for Oxbridge for undergrads. The only advise I can give you regarding that is reach out, and reach out early. Your case is fairly unique, and if you can find an office or some other advocate for you inside universities, it could benefit you a lot for to reach your goals.