Ask HN: I'm trapped in a golden prison, any advice?

Maybe you can think about starting a non-teck business? Invest your time/energy into something else than tech? If you're financially secured, maybe not the best idea to stay and feeling empty because of doing nothing.

This is a time to ask for advice from people who can help you decide what YOU need, not what worked for someone else. A therapist or someone who can give you spiritual help, whatever is most comfortable for you.

It's time for you to discover what gives you joy.

> People who have been in this situation before, what did you do ?

The thing that helped me was thinking about what I'd be like in 2-3 years if I didn't make a change in my life.

In 2015, I realized the best work I'd done for my current employer was already 2-3 years old and I didn't see anything topping it in the next 2-3 years. So in 2-3 years I'd probably be telling interviewers about projects that were 5+ years old and that felt like an uncompelling story to tell.

I figured the risk of leaving a cushy job was higher in the short-term but would be beneficial long-term.

Are you actually unhappy or just bored? It sounds more like boredom to me, but the only person who can truly answer that question is you.

If it is boredom that you're feeling then is there something you could take the initiative on that would be both interesting to you and beneficial to the company?

Get a hobby or three. Find something you can really get into. Your identity and self worth are too tied up with work.

Look at your diet, it controls you more than you realise, its something even medical experts dont give it enough credit for.

Having a plan or bucket list of what you want to achieve in life helps enormously as well.

You didn't say much about your financial situation. If you went for something that paid half as much, would that be easy, hard, or impossible?

Do you have people depending on you? A spouse/SO, children, parents? People continue in jobs they don't like to provide for people that depend on them. My father did. It harmed him emotionally, I think. But I never went hungry.

That doesn't mean that you should stay. But it may mean that you have to have something as good financially, or close, before you leave.

Seems like you have a wealth of varied and valuable knowledge. Why not try your hand at teaching/sharing these insights? Or if you like writing more, how about trying to write a book?

The world needs more doers who can teach. Civilisation needs such people to keep itself grounded.

You're not trapped. You're an adult and can decide for yourself whether you prioritize high salary or interesting work. That is my advice, to internalize that you have agency, you are in control of your life. No one can make these decisions for you.

I have a similar problem with a different background. Great pension and salary with a stress-free job that I leave at home.

It's also a problem with the modern world. We lack community, we lack physical, important work, and we spend our lives doing only one thing (programming). No matter what part of the industry you're in, this is going to get boring after a while.

My take is that there's no way around it - if you want excitement you're likely going to experience more stress. If you want stability, security, and a stress-free lifestyle you're going to be in a malaise with a bit of unease. There's no real silver bullet here beyond defining what you value, what your long-term goals are, and enjoying the ride toward those goals.

My answer here really depends on how you feel about the comp.

If the comp doesn't support the lifestyle you want, then you need to start looking for other options. But if the comp works for you, and you don't need to work super hard to continue securing that, I would encourage you to try to see the blessing. With all of that extra time, invest in your life OUTSIDE of work, and watch your happiness blossom:

- Get in great shape physically - Master a hobby you already have - Start a new hobby - Start a family / invest in the family you have - Re-solidify some of the friendships that have drifted over the years

(descriptive, not prescriptive list)

As a 39 year old who's changed jobs a lot in his life, I highly encourage exploration and some soul searching. Take some community college classes, try some hobbies, go explore nature and give your mind some room to breathe. Maybe after a brief stint you'd decide you still like tech (or the money) the most. That's okay.

Also, I've done tech work for non tech companies my entire career. They tend to be way less toxic and full of diverse, interesting people, many of whom aren't tech bros. It makes for better working environments IMO, but you have to like people for that.

But whatever you do, IMO, don't do it right now. The market is really tough right now and you'd be competing with hordes of laid off FAANGers wherever you go. Maybe wait a bit unless you're super confident.

> I'm working about 1 to 2 hours a day max, the expectations are so low compared to what I'm used to.

I'll never understand how this is possible. Do you lie during standups? do you burn down your time strategically to make it look like you're working over a longer period of time?

I asked to cut my working hours to 22 hours per week. Then I don't have the time to slack so much. I bring in about 120k which is more than decent to live on in Europe. It leaves me a lot of time to raise my kids, fix my home, garden, do some sport, and write screenplays.

Start an ambitious project to work on until the hiring market turns back in your favor.

The current environment is always temporary.

seems like you are overcompensating with work for some kind of anxiety problem, try therapy and find out why you always work so hard even when you don't want to.

What worked for me was joining a unicorn. It's high paced enough to have fun. But lots of people have been hustling for years and know what it's like to be burned out. We have some training on burnout. We have managers who were burnt out. There's a reason some places have unlimited PTO - the kind of people who end up joining have to be forced to rest hard. We don't talk work on weekends, only go carts, gym, and gaming sessions. Work overflowed? Well, the sprint ends on Friday, commit to less next time and get plenty of rest this weekend.

You still get to do your 7% week on week growth, and many unicorns have a kind of startup branch that handles this, which isn't tied down by the usual restrictions. But they also have the resources to let you take time off and not push you too hard.

But if you get tired of the high paced work, you can often request a transfer to the slower stuff. They've already invested resources in training and filtering you.

Stock options are already worth a decent amount by the Series C. Some have things like secondaries which let you cash in before the exit.

Another path that worked for me was teaching bootcamps or polytechnics. Probably don't go full academia; you end up trapped in university politics. Just a lower level where you can write content, iterate on it, and just teach. It can get frustrating too but it's a different kind of frustration.

Do a phd outside of CS

OP, what I noticed about your post is that you've mentioned nothing about your personal life outside of tech, which is the biggest ingredient to feeling happy and fulfilled once your immediate physical living needs are met.

Since you mentioned you don't currently want to do another personal project, forget tech for a moment. You have an easy job you can do to support yourself, work on your other stuff. Here's some stuff outside of tech you might consider doing to grow as a person, find happiness, and possibly give you new ideas and perspectives.

* Spend time seeking a relationship or growing the one you currently have.

* Find your hobby, or work on something you know you already like. Maybe take some random classes or events to learn random skills (glasswork, metalworking, woodworking, sculpture, etc). Maybe you'll find something that you adore doing.

* If you're not in the physical shape and health you want, use your extra time and energy to focus on that.

* Consider further education, even if it's unrelated to tech.

* Figure out an interesting home improvement project that's realistic for you. Accomplishing something on your own gives you a great feeling.

* Use some of your extra time and energy to help others. Maybe volunteering somewhere will give you a feeling of being useful.

* Travel and/or do some fun things you wouldn't ordinarily do, hopefully with some friends.

Your story sounds just like mine. With all the extra hours I have, I am now thinking of working on a side project to see if it takes off. I am also looking to switch jobs because I gain nothing out of it other than a paycheck.

Compete on another front.

You've won handily on this one already.

Do important work.