The biggest advice I could give is "there are no short cuts" and even if there are it takes way too long to find them.
if you want more money work on getting a marketable skill. preferably something you don't mind doing.
"life's a marathon not a sprint" so work at getting better at the skill everyday. It's not going to happen overnight but so what. it's not a competition.
First step is to forgive yourself. You might feel a lot of shame and blame yourself for being in this situation and that shame is counter productive. So first thing you do is wipe the slate clean emotionally and mentally. Without this step, you will keep getting off track. Accept the situation you're in mentally, but know that hard work can get you out of most situations.
Next step is set goals and do whatever it takes to meet those goals, no matter how small they are. The more goals you accomplish, the more you'll realize you can do it. Then set larger and larger goals, but make sure they're going in the right direction. Also understand that all you can do is put in the effort, and the outcome is out of your control. Sometimes the outcomes are great, sometimes the outcomes are not, but don't kick yourself over the outcomes as long as you put in the effort.
For me, it was in my early 30s. I had a shitty job, I went through a divorce, I was so fat I couldn't walk up stairs without losing my breath. I thought that being in my 30s there's no way I could recover by finding a girlfriend/wife because all of the good ones were taken. I spent about one month feeling sorry for myself, playing video games all day and then I decided that was it. I found a new job, I lost weight, I went to school and changed the trajectory of my life. I accepted that I was at fault for my part in the divorce, I said I would be a better person and forgave myself and moved on. I left the past in the past, and just looked forward to the future. Over the next ~20 years, I got better jobs, got married, had kids, etc.
One step at a time, and if you put in an honest effort, then learn to celebrate each win no matter how small, and move forward. You can do it!
I imagine life like a chain sometimes. With many strong links representing a happy and healthy life. When you have multiple broken links though, you tend to feel lost and broken. Fixing one broken link doesn't do anything, they all need to be fixed (at least somewhat) before you can notice real progress.
But, people tend to have an idea of what needs fixing. The issue is motivation tends to fall off because you don't see progress without a lot of change, and we tend not to see our own progress as clearly as others.
Make relationships you can count on. Try to make every day a non-zero day. Be kind to yourself, if you can't be the parent you needed for yourself, try to be the friend you needed.
Find a therapist. Like most things, having a professional's help will speed things up immeasurably.
Best of luck, it may be the hardest thing you do, but it's worth it.
YMMV but I found a passion in programming, self-learning led to a career, and life sorted itself out from there. Also, travel frequently if you have the means to.
I just kept going, did what I needed to do, stopped doing unnecessary shit and hit the pavement running. I never had enough self consciousness to not believe in myself.
It took a while. Day to day I worked as hard as I could then stopped after work hours and did little on the weekends (though I don't know how that would work these days, I was cold calling people).
I ate as cheap and healthy as I could and exercised as much as I could, lots of walks.
This was back in the early 2000's so the internet was shit and I couldn't lose myself there. These days I'd advise 0.00 leisure internet. No news, no forums, no social media. No fucking around.
This is an existential moment, very thin margins, high speed, no guard rails, this is adult shit.
Just realized I left out the important part, sorry...
I took on a job, the job of finding my next job. Woke up at 6/7 and got to work, took a short lunch then back again full tilt.
Sure, I wasn't perfect, no one is, and life keeps happening and we have to deal with that. But, you know, dead fucking serious 9-5 M-F. After that I could have feelings.
In 2001 there was text and plenty of it. However, there was no a/v streaming anything, no social media, no fast twitch multiplayer games, nothing honed to a sharp edge to slice away our attention.
I should have said "MY" internet connection was shit. I thought that was easily implied. I had dial up over a shared phone line. Additionally I convinced myself that there was nothing of entertainment value on the internet so I could get my work done.
When things are dire, or you're worried about them becoming dire, actively and purposefully do not lose hope.
Do some exposure therapy. Think about the worst case reasonably likely scenario, then the next one assuming the first happens, then the next, and so on until you can't think of any more.
Get some options. Think of all of the possibilities you have for moving forward. Yes, the practical ones that are actionable, but also the impractical ones that would make you happy. That helps you to learn a bit about yourself. It also helps you to problem solve your situation without getting locked into a local maximum.
Are you tired? Burned out? In a rut? Want to travel? Want community? There are specific solutions for specific problems. Think on it to understand what specifically you need and how you might get it before a flimflam man convinces you to sell cutco to raise money for their megacult.
And get help if you can. Yes, professional help. But also support from family or friends.
In my mid 20s, I was about $100K in debt, failed in the career that I thought I'd have after undergrad, compounded my problem by running to a grad school program because I thought it would give me a new chance at money post program and make my family proud. In my late 20s I was about $200K in debt, in a bad marriage, still unsure of what I wanted to do in my career. Fast forward to today (early 40s). I make more money than I ever imagined I could, I have a wonderful (2nd) marriage, I'm out of debt, life is good.
Learnings that led me here (in no particular order):
* don't think about what others think of you, think about what you want and what makes you happy. i know that I can't force myself to work hard on something i'm not interested in, so this was very important for me to figure out
* read "7 habits of highly effective people" - there's timeless advice there
* read "non-violent communication" - changed the way that i communicate and made my second marriage much healthier than the first, learning how to communicate in different contexts will help in your career as well
* learn to forgive, especially yourself
* accept responsibility- you're responsible for your life, no one else
* your 20s are for taking risk and figuring out what you're interested in, don't be afraid of risk, learning how to take risks and becoming comfortable with risk will help you in the long run
* luck is certainly a big factor for success, but you can set yourself up to create luck or take advantage of luck by cultivating your network, reducing debt, increasing your skills
* this was advice given to me by someone I respect- "don't chase a network or career, be interesting and add value, the rest will take care of itself." If you're interesting (had interesting experiences, have interesting thoughts and are able to communicate those things) people will be drawn to you, if you add value people will want to work with you and you'll capture some of that value back.
* Edit, one more: you can train your mind like you train your body. If identify something that's holding you back, you can change. Concrete example- in my 20s I was one of those people at parties that sits in the corner and doesn't talk to anyone because they dont know many people there. I decided that was holding me back, but I couldn't all of a sudden become "social" (just like when you first start training your body, you're not going to squat 200lbs), so I devised little exercises for myself to make me more comfortable talking to people I don't know- complementing people on their shoes while in line at a coffee shop ("those are cool shoes!"). Then when that becomes natural, asking follow up questions- "where did you get them?" and building from there.
First off, whatever way you think you have in your 20s is wrong and misguided.
You need small wins to gain confindence.
It's almost September, think of a reasonable goal you can accomplish by the end of the year. Start to think of a harder goal your can accomplish by the end of 2024. If it's money, then finding religion about personal finances in your 20's will set you up better than most in your later years.
I've been more or less broke for most of my adult life. It's not due to being lost, it's just due to getting low paying contracts while trying to bootstrap startups.
The worst thing is that people assume I am incompetent or a drug addict or "lost" or something when they find out my financial circumstances.
Currently finding my own path and one bit of advice that I thought was incredibly helpful is from Dr. Stutz.
The advice is a bit new-age-y, but I think it rings true nevertheless. It’s about working on your “life force”[0], which can be represented as a pyramid with three sections: body, people, self.
Start moving your body, getting good sleep, eating well. Then focus on your connections with others, developing friendships, relationships. Leaning on others and letting them lean on you. And then you have self development: working on skills, learning, experiencing things.
The idea is that by focusing on developing and growing your “life force” it’ll help figure out how to move forward.
I was in massive student debt from a failed attempt at an art degree. I signed up for online CS courses which allowed me to apply for internships. After a lucky break I got one in California. From there I dropped out again and started working at amazon, and then apple. It’s been about 10 years and I’m doing pretty well. I can’t recommend this path though. Pretty sure it was just a combination of luck and being good at interviews.
I should mention that the student loans weren’t all bad. I didn’t end up doing art, but I was able to get out of my small Midwestern town and meet some great people.
I had a rough patch for a number of years. What helped me was reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (translated by Gregory Hays). I don't think it's for everyone, but I read it at the right time in my life so it hit just right.
It gave me a different way of looking at things. I guess in a way, I started to see myself almost in a third person.. I got my stuff together and made big changes.
Financially, my parents helped me out. I fucked up pretty badly. I was never really broke but I didn't get a diploma and was too depressed to get a job.
Mentally, I never walked out. It was a symptom of a much deeper problem that still haunts me today.
This is life, regardless of age, it just feels more pronounced in your 20s. The exceptions are not the rule. There is no arc to life. It’s ok to be lost. Debt is destructive, so try minimise it if you can. Not everyone can. No one has anything figured out, some people are circumstantially lucky and many of those accredit their success to a misguided but materially reinforced superiority complex. Try to find a source of happiness that doesn’t rely on money or someone else. If you can do that, the “way” doesn’t matter. You’re ok, keep going.
1. Most people in this situation, including myself, suffer from some slight mental illness. This tends to get better, ON IT’S OWN, with time.
2. You are unaware of how young you are, and how much time and opportunity there is. All the “grind it out” advice below is correct. Be productive and work your way up. You are a late bloomer.
3. You can learn something useful from almost experience and job. Be sure to graduate to something new at the proper time.
4. Your reverses, bad choices, bad experiences of your youth will become increasingly irrelevant, EVEN IF THE MEMORIES REMAIN VIVID.
5. While I do not want to emphasize competition, I was able to surpass people who were much more successful than me professionally in other areas, like investing. I chalk this up to the non-coddling effects of having to solve real life problems without a secure professional cocoon like tenure or a government pension. Take heed. Difficulties provide compensatory skills to those who work earnestly.
I was down bad and started throwing ideas at startup accelerators until I got money to work on one.
Motivation to spend all of my time working on ideas came from anxiety about my future. I know Im capable of building something cool and useful, my biggest fear is never giving it my all, then looking back and feeling like I wasted a good hand in life.
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[ 4.9 ms ] story [ 110 ms ] threadif you want more money work on getting a marketable skill. preferably something you don't mind doing.
"life's a marathon not a sprint" so work at getting better at the skill everyday. It's not going to happen overnight but so what. it's not a competition.
"In strategy, the longest way around is the shortest way home.” — B.H. Liddell Hart
Next step is set goals and do whatever it takes to meet those goals, no matter how small they are. The more goals you accomplish, the more you'll realize you can do it. Then set larger and larger goals, but make sure they're going in the right direction. Also understand that all you can do is put in the effort, and the outcome is out of your control. Sometimes the outcomes are great, sometimes the outcomes are not, but don't kick yourself over the outcomes as long as you put in the effort.
For me, it was in my early 30s. I had a shitty job, I went through a divorce, I was so fat I couldn't walk up stairs without losing my breath. I thought that being in my 30s there's no way I could recover by finding a girlfriend/wife because all of the good ones were taken. I spent about one month feeling sorry for myself, playing video games all day and then I decided that was it. I found a new job, I lost weight, I went to school and changed the trajectory of my life. I accepted that I was at fault for my part in the divorce, I said I would be a better person and forgave myself and moved on. I left the past in the past, and just looked forward to the future. Over the next ~20 years, I got better jobs, got married, had kids, etc.
One step at a time, and if you put in an honest effort, then learn to celebrate each win no matter how small, and move forward. You can do it!
But, people tend to have an idea of what needs fixing. The issue is motivation tends to fall off because you don't see progress without a lot of change, and we tend not to see our own progress as clearly as others.
Make relationships you can count on. Try to make every day a non-zero day. Be kind to yourself, if you can't be the parent you needed for yourself, try to be the friend you needed.
Find a therapist. Like most things, having a professional's help will speed things up immeasurably.
Best of luck, it may be the hardest thing you do, but it's worth it.
It took a while. Day to day I worked as hard as I could then stopped after work hours and did little on the weekends (though I don't know how that would work these days, I was cold calling people).
I ate as cheap and healthy as I could and exercised as much as I could, lots of walks.
This was back in the early 2000's so the internet was shit and I couldn't lose myself there. These days I'd advise 0.00 leisure internet. No news, no forums, no social media. No fucking around.
This is an existential moment, very thin margins, high speed, no guard rails, this is adult shit.
I took on a job, the job of finding my next job. Woke up at 6/7 and got to work, took a short lunch then back again full tilt.
Sure, I wasn't perfect, no one is, and life keeps happening and we have to deal with that. But, you know, dead fucking serious 9-5 M-F. After that I could have feelings.
To the OP: Love for a woman sorted me out fairly quickly in my mid 20'.
I should have said "MY" internet connection was shit. I thought that was easily implied. I had dial up over a shared phone line. Additionally I convinced myself that there was nothing of entertainment value on the internet so I could get my work done.
https://megjay.com/the-defining-decade/
Do some exposure therapy. Think about the worst case reasonably likely scenario, then the next one assuming the first happens, then the next, and so on until you can't think of any more.
Get some options. Think of all of the possibilities you have for moving forward. Yes, the practical ones that are actionable, but also the impractical ones that would make you happy. That helps you to learn a bit about yourself. It also helps you to problem solve your situation without getting locked into a local maximum.
Are you tired? Burned out? In a rut? Want to travel? Want community? There are specific solutions for specific problems. Think on it to understand what specifically you need and how you might get it before a flimflam man convinces you to sell cutco to raise money for their megacult.
And get help if you can. Yes, professional help. But also support from family or friends.
Learnings that led me here (in no particular order):
* don't think about what others think of you, think about what you want and what makes you happy. i know that I can't force myself to work hard on something i'm not interested in, so this was very important for me to figure out
* read "7 habits of highly effective people" - there's timeless advice there
* read "non-violent communication" - changed the way that i communicate and made my second marriage much healthier than the first, learning how to communicate in different contexts will help in your career as well
* learn to forgive, especially yourself
* accept responsibility- you're responsible for your life, no one else
* your 20s are for taking risk and figuring out what you're interested in, don't be afraid of risk, learning how to take risks and becoming comfortable with risk will help you in the long run
* luck is certainly a big factor for success, but you can set yourself up to create luck or take advantage of luck by cultivating your network, reducing debt, increasing your skills
* this was advice given to me by someone I respect- "don't chase a network or career, be interesting and add value, the rest will take care of itself." If you're interesting (had interesting experiences, have interesting thoughts and are able to communicate those things) people will be drawn to you, if you add value people will want to work with you and you'll capture some of that value back.
* Edit, one more: you can train your mind like you train your body. If identify something that's holding you back, you can change. Concrete example- in my 20s I was one of those people at parties that sits in the corner and doesn't talk to anyone because they dont know many people there. I decided that was holding me back, but I couldn't all of a sudden become "social" (just like when you first start training your body, you're not going to squat 200lbs), so I devised little exercises for myself to make me more comfortable talking to people I don't know- complementing people on their shoes while in line at a coffee shop ("those are cool shoes!"). Then when that becomes natural, asking follow up questions- "where did you get them?" and building from there.
You are basically a pilot of a mecha.
Thoughts are basically your ai remembering things with a lot of hallucinations.
We are sent down to this planet to explore and mine for resources.
Just focus on exploring, and the data that you collect will automatically be synced up to the super intelligence.
That is your core job. You do not need to make anything out of your life.
The worst thing is that people assume I am incompetent or a drug addict or "lost" or something when they find out my financial circumstances.
The advice is a bit new-age-y, but I think it rings true nevertheless. It’s about working on your “life force”[0], which can be represented as a pyramid with three sections: body, people, self.
Start moving your body, getting good sleep, eating well. Then focus on your connections with others, developing friendships, relationships. Leaning on others and letting them lean on you. And then you have self development: working on skills, learning, experiencing things.
The idea is that by focusing on developing and growing your “life force” it’ll help figure out how to move forward.
[0] https://www.netflix.com/tudum/videos/life-force-aspects-of-r...
I should mention that the student loans weren’t all bad. I didn’t end up doing art, but I was able to get out of my small Midwestern town and meet some great people.
It gave me a different way of looking at things. I guess in a way, I started to see myself almost in a third person.. I got my stuff together and made big changes.
Mentally, I never walked out. It was a symptom of a much deeper problem that still haunts me today.