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Ask HN: Did I quit for the right reasons?

3 points by bananaeng819 ↗ HN
I'm a Software Engineer at a fairly small technology company and I handed in my resignation today. Due to the small team size and ambitious goals of the management team I've recently been on a series of high stress projects. It has caused my depression and anxiety to worsen and I think I'm possibly burned out. I was assigned yet another high stress project where I can expect management to be pressuring me on unreasonable deadlines. I ended up quitting and had a meeting with my manager who said I lacked courage and took the easy way out when things became hard. I personally think I quit out of self respect but I wanted to get opinions from anyone who's been in the same spot before. Did I quit for the right reasons or did I lack courage?

13 comments

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intexpress
It could be that what you lacked was financial compensation. Sometimes people will put up with crazy stress levels if their compensation is high.
bananaeng819
I do feel that I am underpaid for my role and I think that is also a factor
GianFabien
Many tech firms are like that. They treat their staff as a fungible resource to extract maximum profits from. Your manager probably had profit as his main KPI.
billybuckwheat
If that job was hammering your mental health and well being, then I think you did quit for the right reasons. No sense staying at a company like that if it's causing you stress and anxiety and depression. As someone once told me, Your employer is in their business. You're in the business of you. Decide which business is more important. That's what you did IMO.

As for your (now former) manager, they showed their true colours when they said you lacked courage. Should have been more supportive.

catchnear4321
your health should come first as long as you can afford it. don’t forget your own words:

> It has caused my depression and anxiety to worsen and I think I'm possibly burned out.

that combined with your manager saying you took the easy way out makes it pretty clear - you made the right choice.

your former manager sounded afraid. of what to do with reduced headcount.

bananaeng819
Thank you for the reminder. I did leave the team in a very tight spot in the short term with my resignation but i'm sure they can find a replacement
sema4hacker
You've provided insufficient data. What's your employment history and compensation? How "small" is the company and the team? Your depression and anxiety "worsened", so they existed before this situation? What are "ambitious" and "unreasonable"?

Don't lose sleep over the manager's opinion. He's not unbiased.

dutchbrit
Good job on standing up for yourself! Your manager is a dick. I think quitting is the opposite of lack of courage to be honest. Staying there would be doing them a favor and not yourself.
watters
While some reasons may be more compelling than others, there are no wrong reasons for quitting a particular job.

A manager saying you lack courage is despicable and reinforces the idea that it was an unhealthy situation.

What is or is not courageous for you is for only you and anyone you invite to advise you on life choices. It's quite likely (but for you to decide) that your decision to quit was, in fact, the more courageous choice.

GianFabien
It takes courage to quit.

Your manager was laying on a guilt trip.

I too have worked for two small technology companies. The first one was great. Smart boss, heavy but realistic workload. Got bought out by a much larger competitor. Sales people making unrealistic commitments to clients, then project managers driving the tech team to breaking point with unattainable deadlines and budgets. It became toxic. Got bought out by an even bigger competitor, a multinational company. I refused to sign on to the third company. They had a reputation. If the second company hadn't been bought out I would have probably quit anyway.

Quinzel
Nah, don’t over think it. You spend a significant chunk of your life working, go find something that makes you happy and pursue it.
aregsar
Who cares what a random guy at a random company thinks. You are as expendable to any company as any company should be to you. Only thing that matters is that you do the right thing for you and your family. Also how would that manager even know the reason you quit. Never explain your reasons for quitting a company in an exit interview except a generic for personal reasons.