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Ask HN: When you quit a job you hated, should you let the company know why?

2 points by theonething ↗ HN
I imagine most of us with any decent amount of experience have quit a job because they absolutely hated it and/or hated[1] their manager etc.

When you did, did you share how you truthfully felt and why during the exit interview or did you use the generic "Thank you for the great opportunity and experience I've had here. I wish you all the best."?

If the former, how did it turn out and what do you recommend doing in this scenario based your experience?

[1] I use the word hate more figuratively than literally.

13 comments

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alex_lav
The first time, I did, because I was young and the people that were doing the exit interview seemed to care.

The second time, I didn't bother, because I knew nobody at the company would care and it would change nothing.

The last time, I really loved the company but really really hated my manager, who was incompetent, and I made one final plea to the CEO/founder, who was my prior friend and well respected colleague. They basically gave me a "Yeah, he does indeed suck, I'm sorry this is happening to you". So I quit. Which resulted in my manager being terminated. Unfortunately, and for reasons I still do not understand, they didn't take action prior to me leaving, which would've made me stay.

theonething
> I really loved the company but really really hated my manager

Describes my situation exactly right now. Such a sad situation.

Thanks for your insights.

elmerfud
I've done this when I was younger and it never turns out well. You're essentially burning bridges for personal satisfaction with no real benefit. If you're taking a job in a similar or the same field it is likely you may meet some of these people or have to work together with them or people who know them in the future. So feeding your ego is fun but thinking long-term what value does it get you personally? I can tell you for many years of experience working at both good and bad jobs that it is very rare for a company to be completely oblivious about managers who are horrible at their job and/or for a company to be unaware they are a toxic workplace. Generally these managers and their boss and the company leadership all know exactly who and what they are and they do not care about grinding through talented people because they want people that they can just grind to dust and make money off of. It's the kind of place that the term a "human resources" was invented for because the people are just a commodity resource doesn't matter if you're good or bad at your job they will grind through you and find another and they know exactly what they're doing and they don't care.

So it's best to move on politely and quietly because you may work for another company that will have business dealings with your former employer. Even if you think that's unlikely no one knows what the future will exactly bring and vindictive places like that can be vindictive.

Even if you wanted to take the opportunity in your exit interview to give a totally non-eagodriven emotionally detached assessment of the work environment, it is a waste of your time. They honestly don't care what you think because if they did they would have listened to you before you got to the point of quitting. They're not hiring you as a consultant so that's another reason why they would not listen to you. Anything you say that is even slightly negative you will absorb all the blame for it. The best way to leave a bad company is to make them miss you and give them no reason to think anything bad.

theonething
For me at least, some of the impetus would be to help my poor coworkers who are stuck with prick manager. And to help the company as I think it is a good company with good leaders minus the prick. I'm probably just being idealistic.
mytailorisrich
Your coworkers have the same options as you have. They can leave. Your manager also has his own manager and interacts with and is judged by senior management. They know and if they are unhappy they will let him go.

On the other hand, if you hate the job it's not necessarily an issue with the company. It may simply be that you don't like it as a matter of personal preference and fit.

elmerfud
Your coworkers are in the exact same situation as you and it's reasonable to believe that they also understand the situation as you do. Perhaps they're just not as motivated to get out of it, sometimes people get stuck in positions through a kind of Stockholm syndrome and don't believe that they're better. Instead of saying anything negative to them or your boss's boss simply encourage your coworkers. Let them know that they're good people that they're good at their job that there are many opportunities out there and they should evaluate their position their career and their happiness all together and that they are bright enough to move to other places if it would further their own happiness and career.

It does remind me of a position I had in the past at a company that very much had that abusive style of management that can keep people trapped. I had been at the company for many years and there was also other people who had been there just as long as I had. We were all in senior positions we knew the technical ins and out of every aspect of the company in our business. The company's technique was to simply tell us we were lucky to have a job and that no one else would want to put up with us. Finally I woke up and got to the point I got another job where I was appreciated and yes sometimes people who are good at their job have quirks like I do but good employers learn to work with that and they learn to help you interact with other people in a better way. Because they value your skills and they know everything else can be taught or moderated. When I left that company within 3 months every other person who had been there as long as I had left as well all for top-tier companies. So who knows maybe you're leaving will wake up your coworkers to realize they are also better than this job and they don't have to put up with this.

pr07ecH70r
Some time ago I've been in the same situation. My manager was an incompetent prick and I spoke to the CEO about it. He promies to "look into the matter", promies that in max 2 months I will be transfered to a new team. Fast forward 6 months, nothing happened. I gave my resignation letter, and they asked me "why"... Are you kidding me? Either this is some kind of a HR bullshit politics, or companies really don't care and forget issues like this as long as the noise dies out. My next job was light years better, and now already 8 years I am working there. :)
Quinzel
If I just hate the job, I usually stick to a generic “thanks for the opportunity” approach. If I’m leaving because I hate my boss, or other manager - I make sure they know I’m leaving because I hate them.
efortis
I had a job I did not hate, but two of my teammates left and, just in case, I started looking for a job.

I got an offer for $25/hr extra and my manager offered me $50/hr extra. Of course I was very happy (and stupid). He made me work 70 hours per week and after 8 months I never got the increase.

On the exit interview, his manager, which was a good boss, told me: "I'm sorry I don't have much time." I said: "It's OK. I don't want to waste your time," and I left. The next day he arranged a nice exit lunch and invited the two coworkers that had left earlier.

k310
One episode of many. I scheduled an exit interview and handoffs for a Friday. 12, 1, 2 ... no-show. I just dropped the docs off with the key.

Boss probably got the hint earlier on. We were talking and there was a magazine on my desk with an article entitled "Is your boss a psychopath?"

Could have been HBR, Fast Company or Psychology Today. Well, he couldn't take his eyes off the damn magazine. I didn't offer him the magazine.

Yes, he was.

lordkrandel
If you're the one who leaves, you're probably not going to impact with a direct honest but raging outburst. Things won't change. It happened to me to be told or recognized that I was right about things years after I quit. That's much more satisfaction coming in.
comprev
HR is there purely to look after the companies interests. Exit interviews are nothing more than a show.

If you state the reason why you’re leaving is due to bad management, they will of course promise to look into the matter - but only so you leave the interview feeling that you’ve made a positive impact.

In reality they want all employees to leave with a smile so nothing negative is spread about the company.

It’s naïve to believe otherwise.