Please explain this to people who invade my personal life, establish an "identity" of their choosing with labels for me, and never reconsider their decision.
E.g. how do i stop certain people from telling everyone else that i don't like travelling, when in fact i do like to travel, just not with them? sigh
Or just be honest. One of my best friends is in Bali right now. When I asked to go with her, she straight up told me she doesn't like traveling with other people. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
As comforting as it may be, labelling yourself can be super detrimental in the long run.
Maybe at first you attach a label to yourself to belong, or to find others who feel similarly. Maybe you do it as a way to try to "skip" past the parts of your life where you have to find out who you are, what you like, etc.
Once you attach such a label, for example "I'm a democrat", "I'm a lone wolf", "I'm straight", etc., and maybe you even tell people and put it in your online profiles, you introduced inertia into your own personality. Find our you're bisexual, or maybe your political opinions are a bit too complex to just say "democrat", or maybe you enjoy working in teams if its the right people (as in this post). I may feel like I belong to a group now, but tomorrow that may change, and then I have to justify that to myself and others.
I will have to admit that either I changed, or I was wrong, and that can be very hard.
Labels are detrimental, and I would recommend not using them. Every person is their own individual, and there is very little sense in trying to list and specify every single group, label and subculture you are part of. Just replace it with "I'm me", and that's all you need.
Theres a lot of trendiness with labelling yourself "ADHD" or "different" or "depressed" (etc.) on social media, and the same rules apply here.
I wonder if identities is why some people feel insulted over mere remarks? If your identity includes "I am competent, I don't make mistakes unlike those other guys..." then code reviews really hurts. But if you don't have that as an identity you will do just fine.
Feels like we spent a lot more time breaking down such delusional identities in the past, but today we spend so much effort trying to keep them alive.
You don’t label yourself with a diagnosis. Sure, I also don’t think it’s healthy to view yourself as your diagnosis. I have a few myself and I view it more as an explanation as to why I don’t really fit into this “work week” thing that we still obsess about. Like really, I can see why it made/makes sense at the factory line, but in the office? Heh. Maybe that’s a little unclear, but I spent almost a year working 4 days a week instead of the typical 5, and if you compare my performance to now that I’m working 5 again, it’s dropped. Yet I’m paid 1/5 more for less and my company is genuinely more happy with my performance because it turns out we measure attendance more than what is delivered.
Now, I’m bipolar and I have ADHD, and as a result I’ll be able to do a weeks work in one day, sometimes. At other times I can do absolutely nothing for a period of time, and since nobody is really paying attention (and haven’t done so in my career of two decades), the over all results tend to be that I “outperform” most of my colleagues. In many ways this is due to my “labels”, but it’s also because we’ve build a society that doesn’t really support people who are “better” in bursts. There are other things as well, I’m Danish so this may be a little foreign to you Americans, but I come with benefits from the government. I have a few more sick days than your usual employee, but we have a program called paragraph 56 where the state will compensate my employer for this by paying most of my paid sick leave on any sick days related to my mental challenges. So obviously I’ve been rather upfront about my “disabilities” in hiring positions. I’ve also found that it’s just easier to be honest about it with people. So for me those “labels” are part of who I am.
Now, I did star out by saying that I didn’t think it was healthy to become your “label” so you can also say that I agree with you, at least a little. What I don’t agree with is mixing diagnosis in with self-made “labels” like a lone wolf. Because the lone wolf (speaking of actual wolves here) isn’t happy about being a lone wolf. Like all dogs they are pack animals who don’t thrive when they are on their own. Hell, even the whole “alpha” thing turned out to just be for wolves in captivity where it’s the result of being “broken” by their capture. So as you can imagine, it’s not too nice to be compared with those people. Because I would frankly prefer if I was neurotypical and I’ve never once met someone who didn’t. Sure, there is a degree of “would I be me” in most of those feelings, the world is never black and white after all, but it’s just so hard to carry a “label” like ADHD that it probably can’t be explained. I tend to use the analogy of working two full time jobs but only having enough energy for 1,5 of them, and that’s when you’re well medicated and in a good period. Turning back to people who “are” their “label” more than it is just a part of them, which I’m guessing is what you are referring to here. Well, it’s hard to have a mental disability, and sometimes it’s easier if it’s out there. I already mentioned I found it to be much easier if everyone knew than if it was something you sort of hide, and I’ve certainly found that to be the case. Sometimes it’s also sort of a coping mechanism for people, like a way to explain to others why they are being “weird”. That’s the part I don’t think is too healthy by the way, but I can understand why you see the need to do it.
Last but not least, there is also the signalling to other neuro-divergent. If people put it up on their SoMe description it’ll often be as a way of telling other neurodivergents that you’re one of us. That may sound strange to you, but let me explain again with an anecdote from my own life. I was diagnosed late in my life, I probably only ended up with a diagnosis because I had children which ended my typical “coping mechanism” of simply going to bed early on str...
A diagnosis is just a label someone else gives you. If you trust modern psychology, maybe it’s a useful label. In my context, however, it’s just as relevant as lone wolf.
My point being anything you label yourself or others is purely a function of your ego. The whole framework you describe above exists purely in your own mind. If I met you, I may walk away with a completely different idea about you, a function of my own ego.
If a diagnosis helps you, that’s fantastic. Making it part of your identity is a trap that will narrow your perspective of the universe.
> Once you attach such a label, for example "I'm a democrat", "I'm a lone wolf", "I'm straight", etc., and maybe you even tell people and put it in your online profiles
Love this perspective. I'd add that broadcasting plans or intentions is detrimental. It feels like doing something and gives the dopamine hit without actual doing it.
In a work and personal setting I've found that shifting from "I will" to "I did" is very powerful. And it respects everyone's time better.
Thats a great point, it can definitely be generalized to any kind of "promise". They only make sense when you can uphold them for sure.
It's bad enough to "fail" yourself (your expectations, your goals), but it can be much worse to fail others who look up to you or respect you. That can really hurt as well
> My own business is on the back burner. And who knows, I may not return to it any time soon. If ever. In this emerging season of life, I’m all-in on Foster. It’s work that brings me alive, and I’m doing it alongside a handful of my closest internet homies.
This reminds me of a philosophy a good friend of mine shared with me years ago; die broke.
When he first said this to me, my reaction was "that won't be too hard to do." But then my friend shared with me that it was not a trite phrase, but instead a unique (to me) way to think about one's career.
It turns out there is a book[0] dedicated to this topic and better still a four page synopsis is available[1].
What I would add to counterbalance the possible nihilistic flavour of the synopsis is to intersperse doing the things one wants to do between the gigs which pay for them. Much like using and then recharging batteries.
"Life itsef", a "semi-monastic co-living hub" which is supposed to be "a place for experimentation, exploration, and learning, where people can engage in self-work, creative work, and spiritual practices" yet has only two and a half hours in the morning and three in the evening for unscheduled time to practice these. If I just do my yoga-qigong-kungfu, the morning space is filled, and do my normal morning meditation in the three hours in the afternoon. No time for experimentation, exploration or learning.
There are also in the direction of twenty people on the team with all kinds of expertise. This whole thing smells like the opposite of a monastic space, which usually consists of an abundance of time and space. Here it seems to be overflowing with all kinds of "modernized" practices and ideas about how that time and space is supposed to be filled. The absence of that normally characterises a monastic space.
I am probably misreading it, but I still wanted to post this. The blog post seems like normal psycho-development.
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[ 2.7 ms ] story [ 360 ms ] threadYou could say something like “you and I have very different tastes in travel, but I still like traveling when it’s on my terms.”
Maybe at first you attach a label to yourself to belong, or to find others who feel similarly. Maybe you do it as a way to try to "skip" past the parts of your life where you have to find out who you are, what you like, etc.
Once you attach such a label, for example "I'm a democrat", "I'm a lone wolf", "I'm straight", etc., and maybe you even tell people and put it in your online profiles, you introduced inertia into your own personality. Find our you're bisexual, or maybe your political opinions are a bit too complex to just say "democrat", or maybe you enjoy working in teams if its the right people (as in this post). I may feel like I belong to a group now, but tomorrow that may change, and then I have to justify that to myself and others.
I will have to admit that either I changed, or I was wrong, and that can be very hard.
Labels are detrimental, and I would recommend not using them. Every person is their own individual, and there is very little sense in trying to list and specify every single group, label and subculture you are part of. Just replace it with "I'm me", and that's all you need.
Theres a lot of trendiness with labelling yourself "ADHD" or "different" or "depressed" (etc.) on social media, and the same rules apply here.
"Why are the lights off? Can someone turn them on?"
"Open your eyes, idiot."
Sometimes it really is a problem with your own perception and not the world.
"Keep your identity small."
Feels like we spent a lot more time breaking down such delusional identities in the past, but today we spend so much effort trying to keep them alive.
Now, I’m bipolar and I have ADHD, and as a result I’ll be able to do a weeks work in one day, sometimes. At other times I can do absolutely nothing for a period of time, and since nobody is really paying attention (and haven’t done so in my career of two decades), the over all results tend to be that I “outperform” most of my colleagues. In many ways this is due to my “labels”, but it’s also because we’ve build a society that doesn’t really support people who are “better” in bursts. There are other things as well, I’m Danish so this may be a little foreign to you Americans, but I come with benefits from the government. I have a few more sick days than your usual employee, but we have a program called paragraph 56 where the state will compensate my employer for this by paying most of my paid sick leave on any sick days related to my mental challenges. So obviously I’ve been rather upfront about my “disabilities” in hiring positions. I’ve also found that it’s just easier to be honest about it with people. So for me those “labels” are part of who I am.
Now, I did star out by saying that I didn’t think it was healthy to become your “label” so you can also say that I agree with you, at least a little. What I don’t agree with is mixing diagnosis in with self-made “labels” like a lone wolf. Because the lone wolf (speaking of actual wolves here) isn’t happy about being a lone wolf. Like all dogs they are pack animals who don’t thrive when they are on their own. Hell, even the whole “alpha” thing turned out to just be for wolves in captivity where it’s the result of being “broken” by their capture. So as you can imagine, it’s not too nice to be compared with those people. Because I would frankly prefer if I was neurotypical and I’ve never once met someone who didn’t. Sure, there is a degree of “would I be me” in most of those feelings, the world is never black and white after all, but it’s just so hard to carry a “label” like ADHD that it probably can’t be explained. I tend to use the analogy of working two full time jobs but only having enough energy for 1,5 of them, and that’s when you’re well medicated and in a good period. Turning back to people who “are” their “label” more than it is just a part of them, which I’m guessing is what you are referring to here. Well, it’s hard to have a mental disability, and sometimes it’s easier if it’s out there. I already mentioned I found it to be much easier if everyone knew than if it was something you sort of hide, and I’ve certainly found that to be the case. Sometimes it’s also sort of a coping mechanism for people, like a way to explain to others why they are being “weird”. That’s the part I don’t think is too healthy by the way, but I can understand why you see the need to do it.
Last but not least, there is also the signalling to other neuro-divergent. If people put it up on their SoMe description it’ll often be as a way of telling other neurodivergents that you’re one of us. That may sound strange to you, but let me explain again with an anecdote from my own life. I was diagnosed late in my life, I probably only ended up with a diagnosis because I had children which ended my typical “coping mechanism” of simply going to bed early on str...
My point being anything you label yourself or others is purely a function of your ego. The whole framework you describe above exists purely in your own mind. If I met you, I may walk away with a completely different idea about you, a function of my own ego.
If a diagnosis helps you, that’s fantastic. Making it part of your identity is a trap that will narrow your perspective of the universe.
Love this perspective. I'd add that broadcasting plans or intentions is detrimental. It feels like doing something and gives the dopamine hit without actual doing it.
In a work and personal setting I've found that shifting from "I will" to "I did" is very powerful. And it respects everyone's time better.
It's bad enough to "fail" yourself (your expectations, your goals), but it can be much worse to fail others who look up to you or respect you. That can really hurt as well
This reminds me of a philosophy a good friend of mine shared with me years ago; die broke.
When he first said this to me, my reaction was "that won't be too hard to do." But then my friend shared with me that it was not a trite phrase, but instead a unique (to me) way to think about one's career.
It turns out there is a book[0] dedicated to this topic and better still a four page synopsis is available[1].
What I would add to counterbalance the possible nihilistic flavour of the synopsis is to intersperse doing the things one wants to do between the gigs which pay for them. Much like using and then recharging batteries.
0 - https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/45511.Die_Broke
1 - http://cbduncan.duncanheights.com/Books/DieBroke.pdf
There are also in the direction of twenty people on the team with all kinds of expertise. This whole thing smells like the opposite of a monastic space, which usually consists of an abundance of time and space. Here it seems to be overflowing with all kinds of "modernized" practices and ideas about how that time and space is supposed to be filled. The absence of that normally characterises a monastic space.
I am probably misreading it, but I still wanted to post this. The blog post seems like normal psycho-development.