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Ask HN: I hate remote work, should I leave?

21 points by Python3267 ↗ HN
I'm working on a team with awesome coworkers, on the most exciting and technologically advanced project that I'm likely ever to work on, the pay is pretty good... And I'm miserable.

I'm the rare person who like to work from the office (some of the time). I like seeing my coworkers, learning about their lives, and enjoying war stories. I'm not getting that where I work currently since it's full remote. This normally wouldn't be two bad, but I didn't get to see folks during the pandemic and I've been working in this position for two years and haven't seen a single team member in person since I started. All I get is seeing people during standup, but there's no time to dilly dally there.

I'm caught between a rock and a hard place here, either I stay and work on the coolest project ever, or I leave get a pay cut, work on a boring project, but see people again. (I've been told team meetups, even once a year, are not possible)

Using a throw away account so that my coworkers don't find out I'm contemplating leaving. (My regular HN profile is my LDAP and I have a very unique last name)

29 comments

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djaouen
If you left your current job for a job where you see coworkers, how would you guarantee that your future coworkers aren’t all assholes?
Python3267
Good point, in my experience so far it's been pretty hard to have a coworker that's an ass. Managers, oh hell yeah there are a lot of assholes out there, otherwise bad coworkers get weeded out pretty quickly.
billy99k
I've seen articles that claim that remote work is less productive. But, your experience here matches mine.

When I'm in an office, I spend a good portion of my time socializing. When I'm working remote, it's mostly work only.

Python3267
Same, probably would be fine if my social batteries weren't drained from the pandemic. Getting to the point where it's effecting my productivity from lack of drive.
swatcoder
> I've been told team meetups, even once a year, are not possible

Look, if you really love the environment except for this remote thing, here's a couple things you can do before you quit:

1. Earnestly say that you love the place, but getting some mixed purpose face time with coworkers is a make or break issue for you. If you convey that you really mean that (you seem to), and they think you're a good fit too, they may revisit what they told you above. Think of it as a salary renegotiation, but you're looking for an essential benefit rather than a raise.

2. Just suck up the cost and organize those "meetups" yourself (i.e. make plans with your coworkers privately). Here, if you wanted to, you can think of the cost as a deduction from your salary. Do you still feel well-enough paid once you account for that deduction?

Python3267
Thanks for the advice. We lost one of our staff engineers last month to the same issue so I might be able to leverage that in a negotiation. The second option is honestly what I might end up doing.
anigbrowl
(I've been told team meetups, even once a year, are not possible)

This is bizarre, even open source projects do brainstorming retreats and get-togethers.

BTW folks, when you see a worthwhile Ask HN, don't forget to upvote as well as comment, otherwise it's likely to die before many people see it due to appearing to HN's algorithms as flamebait.

dieselgate
A lot of companies don't like to spend money and thus do not prioritize getting their team together - not saying it's good but that's been my experience
[deleted]
(comment deleted)
NtochkaNzvanova
That does sound great other than the lack of social interaction, so I would not be in a hurry to leave if I were you.

There are other ways to find / generate social interaction, inside or outside work.

At work, you can always find reasons to interact more with your coworkers. Schedule an occasional virtual coffee chat or happy hour with your teammates. Find a reason to have a meeting over video instead of handling it over chat or email. Do you travel for fun? Find an excuse to visit a city where one of your teammates lives and meet up with them while you're there.

Of course, if there really is no practical way to get more social interaction with your coworkers, that may just be a sign that you're also suffering from a lack of it outside work. And there are many more ways to remedy that without the constraints on work-related interactions.

Minor49er
I have been working remote for the last few years and have been thinking of leaving too

I am a part of a "team" of developers that I am never able to directly work with unless I go out of my way and sacrifice time on my own projects to get involved with theirs

That said, even in this role, I'm an unusual case because all of my other coworkers get put on projects with each other. The side effect is that when I have code that needs to be reviewed, the other developers are hesitant to do it because they don't want to sign off on projects that they haven't been assigned to. My boss says this might change once his boss decides how the teams should be reorganized. Argh

It feels like I'm being punished and have been put into solitary confinement. But at least the pay is good, so that makes it all worth it. ...Right?

Python3267
> of my other coworkers get put on projects with each other.

Not sure how applicable this is to your situation, but I'd just start reviewing their PR's. If it's all in the same language then it should be relatively easy to do some work to help them out. Scratch my back, I'll scratch yours situation.

> It feels like I'm being punished and have been put into solitary confinement.

I'm not in the punishment boat, but it does feel like solitary sometimes.

Minor49er
> Not sure how applicable this is to your situation, but I'd just start reviewing their PR's. If it's all in the same language then it should be relatively easy to do some work to help them out. Scratch my back, I'll scratch yours situation.

I definitely do when I can. Reciprocation is low

ipaddr
The having no team members but still requiring pr signoff. I had that issue luckily they hired a junior but nothing could move if either of us got sick.
JoeMayoBot
Some aspects of the economy, such as software development, are hard to find work because of massive recent layoffs. You might do a job search and/or talk to some recruiters before taking the jump. Otherwise, your need for belonging/companionship could be overcome by your need for security.

Also, as other people inferred, management might be a problem. People often leave their jobs because of bad supervisors.

I agree that it's pretty awesome when you get to work with a great team of people, though you might want to watch the risks as you make a next move that is in your best interest.

frou_dh
> I'm the rare person who like to work from the office (some of the time).

It's not rare, that's just what shouty people on tech social media want you to think.

YaBa
You can have both of the worlds.

Go to a coworking space, or try to reach other remote workers in your city and invite them to your place (or go to theirs).

dyeje
Here’s a few ideas:

- Try scheduling explicit hangout time, either 1:1 or group (have a happy hour, play some games, just chat).

- Ask if any of your coworkers would be interested in coworking in person. Doesn’t have to be a whole company thing, fly to one coworker or maybe a few people live in one spot. Most major cities have coworking spaces with reasonable day pass rates or you can use a coffee shop if budget is tight.

- There’s a lot of virtual office products out there (e.g. Gather, Remotion), see if there’s any interest in trying one out.

gardenhedge
OP mentioned standups so it's likely they're doing sprints. With that setup, it doesn't really leave time for booking in chitchat calls. You can't attend the standup the next day and say "played some games with George and didn't get this finished"
phibz
You totally can and should. Being honest about not getting to something is better than covering it up. So long as its not a regular occurrence then it should be okay. And its even easier if you set expectations up front. "Hey im going to spend some time socializing with xyz today. I might not get to much sprint work"
dyeje
Yea I call bullshit, not making time to build interpersonal relationships in your team is penny wise and pound foolish.
trumbitta2
Work out of a coworking space. Best of both worlds. It's what I do.
gaws
Why did you take an entirely remote job if you prefer to work in an office?
muzani
My guess is OP needed money. Same reasons many take an entirely office job when they prefer to work remotely.