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Ask HN: What to do when a loner family member dies and their life was online?

28 points by nullfield ↗ HN
My brother-in-law was recently found deceased after a wellness check (cause still undetermined). He was known for mostly engaging with people online, where we obviously don’t know who his virtual friends were. As far as we know, especially, he was playing (still) EverQuest, though this might be wrong.

Is there anything at all to be done, given that (one assumes) people he interacted with probably wouldn’t have known real names, etc.? Empathy, and seeing how others disappearing for a bit (and being fine) has affected real friends makes me feel awful for those who knew him, who will just see him …vanish.

I don’t yet know if anyone has access to his computers and such-quite a lot is still up in the air.

10 comments

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pasttense01
You might search for Everquest forums and post his obituary there--assuming you know his user names:

https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=EverQue...

zumu
He may also be playing emulated EverQuest, such as Project1999 (which has separate forums).

Discourse for online games these days is mainly done via Discord, however. So there's a good chance you won't find them on the forums.

shrimp_emoji
That's the beauty of the Internet. With maximum freedom of association and unlimited access comes the ability to disappear completely! Everyone that I've seen do that suddenly, I've tacitly assumed they died.

For me personally, I wouldn't want my family to posthumously dox me just to confirm to my online friends that I've died.

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zumu
If you could get into his Discord (a gaming-focused chat app), you could probably figure it out by looking though his DMs and finding someone close to him to notify.
mooreds
Yes, without access to his computers or email, you probably are limited. I think if you can identify a username or usernames, publishing a post or including it with his obituary will let online friends find it via search.

Tough spot, sorry to hear it.

mikecoles
No need to violate the family member's privacy by snooping in their computer. As sorrowful as death can be, announcement of the event isn't a requirement or even advisable.
[dead] rehan104
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robobro
Really, shilling some sketchy ebay site on a thread about someone's family member dying? That's low man.
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