HN Explorer

Ask HN: Review our Landing Page Copy

1 points by michael_fine ↗ HN
A couple months ago, we submitted our landing page for here review. We learned that we needed to simplify our message, add a clear visual hierarchy, and improve our design.

So, we were wondering if you could give us advice on our writing. Is it understandable? Is it well written? Does it convey our message? Thank you so much. http://signup.musicmind.co/

13 comments

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momop540
It is best if you can make the page open w/o having to provide an email and register
tstegart
Its a landing page, the point is to drive registrations. But you might be right in that they need to provide links to who they are and what they're about at the bottom so that people can learn more about it before they sign up. Maybe a tour?
michael_fine
Actually, I guess we really weren't clear in saying this, but this is a pre-launch page, so we're really trying to just gauge interest an get emails. I'm sorry we didn't say this well enough. Thanks
tstegart
Its simplified, but now it's a bit vague. What exactly does "consolidate their personal library" mean and why would users want that?
jchestang
Thanks for the repsonse I'm one of the other MusicMind team members. We'll definitely work on making this more concise. We're referring to creating a way to store your complete music collection in one place without the huge price tag. I appreciate it.
tstegart
The statement above from your other team member was pretty good, you should use it: "We're a social network for people to listen to their music, share their music, and connect with their favorite artists."
michael_fine
What do you think about replacing social network with website?
jwwest
Couple of comments that just immediately came to mind:

1) Ugh, Launchrock. I'm very tired of LR pages, they give no info and serve no purpose. You'd be better off with your own landing page and fake screenshots. With so many Launchrock pages that end up being fake, I think there's a weariness about it now.

2) You use a lot of words but I'm still not sure what you do. Are you a web app? Are you a social network? Can I listen to music, or just talk about music? Why do I need another music app when I have Spotify and iTunes? Answering these questions will make it more likely that I WANT early access to your site.

3) If you stay with the LR page, at least mock up some fake screenshots for the background. Try to be as real as possible, even if you have nothing.

michael_fine
Thank you so much for your reply. On the first point.

We decided to use Launchrock because we were tired of spending so much of our development time on building a launch page (maybe because we're not designers). We used Launchrcok because we were pre-launch and believed that we could communicate effectively in one paragraph what we are trying to do. But if the sentiment is so anti-LR, or it causes us to look fake, I guess we will change.

On the second point. We're a social network for people to listen to their music, share their music, and connect with their favorite artists. This is beneficial to you because you are supporting artists with your song purchases vs streaming, you can consolidate all of your music listening and sharing in one place, and we allow you to connect with artists.

And on the third point. This is a really interesting point, which we haven't considered before. We'll try to do this.

We really appreciate it.

leeny
Unlike some of the other commenters, I like the vagueness a bit. I would have probably left you my email address until I found out it was a social network. In other words, if you're still not sure exactly what you're going to end up being and are open to the idea of changing your model as you go, I wouldn't limit yourselves/shrink your userbase before you even have a site.

I'd also cut this sentence. It's redundant and adds no value: "Each listening to the same band, you were drawn together over music?"