Ask HN: 40yo adult learning to drive what is different vs. learning young?

Hire a driving instructor. Young people usually learn from their parents, but at your age maybe that's not practical.

Probably the main difference is overthinking. At 16 people assume they can learn anything with a little practice, but at 40 you might ask about "brain plasticity" and imagine driving is harder to learn than it is.

Possibly taking the time to mess around in an empty parking lot to learn the “size” of the vehicle and steering. And, in general, “leave the ego behind” as soon as you close the door of the vehicle. Your number 1 priority is never getting into an accident. The graveyards are full of “people in the right.”

I think you'll be fine, I know people who got driver's license around that age (even for motorcycles which to me sounds riskier) and they're fine. Reaction time may be not be at its peak in 40's (doesn't mean it applies to everyone), so you may want to take it easy. For some people fear is the biggest barrier and that's what kept them from going for it (not sure where it comes from though). Good luck!

I have a 50–something friend who just completed this (Brooklyn native, never felt the need, felt constrained during Covid, etc). They used a driving instructor, took classes once or twice during the week (normally works from home so was easy to fit into their schedule).

Definitely hire a driving instructor. From my friend’s description learning to drive in NYC (specifically Brooklyn) was far more stressful than when I did so as a teen in the 80s (rural Indiana and suburban Chicago). But they passed the driving test on their first try.

If possible find a friend who will let you do some low key driving with them in parking lots or suburbia before tackling the BQE or the LIE. My friend was a bit surprised to have to drive on both in their second or third class. It’s not absolutely necessary but if you’ve never driven it helps to get a bit of the feel (like, learning how the braking distance changes depending on speed is a lot easier in an empty parking lot than on Atlantic Avenue mid–afternoon).

My only advice as an aging driver is people are far more aggressive post Covid. Pre–Covid I felt that you had to be on your “A” game driving in Manhattan and downtown Brooklyn or the highways but people generally let you merge, didn’t tailgate constantly. There were always assholes of course, but they seem to have multiplied since 2020.

I'm almost 39 and I did pass my driving test last year for the first time in my life.

Not sure how things work in the US, but where I am, we get a standard package of 30 driving hours before we can do the exam. For me that wasn't enough,so I had to take additional hours,which did help a lot and removed knowledge gaps. In a nutshell,the older one is,the more hours will be needed. https://learndriving.tips/starting-out/how-many-driving-less...

My advice is to get a bigger number of hours so the instructor would have enough time to teach properly. Also I did on a manual, which is way less popular in the US, however it does help a lot understanding how the car behaves,etc.

You mentioned neuroplasticity, so here goes...

I would say meditate on possessing situational awareness super-powers that kick in to override impulsivity. When it comes to lane changes, merges, blending in, and coping with the unexpected, you need the capacity to take in a lot of situational information and fluidly integrate it into a set of actions in a way that becomes part of your muscle memory behind the wheel.

For example, not to be simplistic or patronizing, but if a dog jumps out at you, evade it, don't waste any time on the thought that a dog has jumped out at you.

If you can get a pal w a car to get you to a suburb that might help. There will be a learning curve before and after you pass your test. Driving here in NYC is a big challenge, navigating narrow spaces, double parked car and trucks. One thing I learned belatedly on a reddit thread, we always merge at close to the end as we can, at bridges & tunnels. Parallel parking practice will be a big hurdle, try and find a quiet street and practice it. That takes some effort to get comfortable with. The spend 15-20% checking your mirrors advice is essential here. Parking signs go top down most serious to less serious, they are all serious. Red signs including commercial parking are towaway. The question you always have to answer is when is the next time I will have to move my car? You can stand at a hydrant but you have to be ready to move within 20-30 seconds, so only to pick up or drop someone off or to wait for someone.

I learned late 30s, and expected it would be hard for me for other reasons than brain plasticity.

It probably took me longer than most people to learn how to competently scan everything you need to quickly while driving -- check the road, check your speed, check you're centered in the lane, check you're on the right path, think about which lane you should be in right now, check for stop signs or a red light, check for brake lights ahead of you to know to start slowing down for stopped traffic, and so on, repeated all the time, not getting distracted, eventually doing it without thinking about it consciously.

In retrospect, practicing those "n-back games" might help someone who doesn't have anything currently in their life requiring that same level of detailed attention, multitasking, and internal clock for moving between tasks.

But I didn't have any accidents and got there in the end. Totally comfortable driving now.

I started learning when I moved from NYC to San Diego (where driving is not optional). I don't envy you learning in NYC. You might consider avoiding any bad weather driving until you're very comfortable in good weather, and staying away from known places with aggressive driving too, which possibly includes all of Manhattan.

My mother passed her driving exam when she was 40. Pay for lessons. Pay attention. Breathe. Stay present.

Different things to gain an intuition for:

- Getting used to being in the driver's seat. Getting used to where everything is. Especially the turn signals (shoutout to my fellow BMW drivers).

- Getting used to acceleration, braking, holding your speed, steering, and turn signals.

- Getting used to the size of your car, it's outer edges, turning radius.

- Getting used to going in reverse.

- Driving in the neighborhoods vs. driving on the highway.

- Constantly being aware of all moving objects around you.

Do lots of driving. Check your mirrors all the time, even if you're not planning to change lanes. Keep enough distance from the person in front of you that you'll be able to react in time to anything they do. Use your turn signals - be as predictable as you can.

Driving on public roads is more like dancing in a group than racing. Going where you want, slowing down and speeding up - all need to be done in concert with everyone else on the dance floor in order avoid collisions.

With practice, driving will feel as natural as walking or running.

Don't sweat it. It's not hard. The dumbest sixteen year olds in America manage it.

But here's a pro-tip. You don't even have to learn to drive. Just choose one primitive skill and pick a corresponding vehicle:

Don't learn to practically drive at all, but can pass the test? Get a Tesla.

Can only learn to floor the gas angrily and drive in straight lines? Get a BMW.

Can only swerve recklessly across lanes? Get a Nissan Altima.

Can only drive at 30mph and then confuse everyone around you with lane changes? Get a Prius.

Learning is easy. After 15 minutes in a parking lot you’ll have the broad strokes of how an automatic transmission car moves. Being comfortable when driving takes experience, so use every opportunity you can to drive in different situations.

I got mine around 35. Learning to drive was significantly easier than earlier attempt around 19.

Young people are seriously impaired by emotions and lack of experience with real world in general.

Driving is a particularly hard thing to do. Younger people generally don't notice it because everything seems hard for them. So they just wing it and get into a lot of accidents.

As 40yo you'll be fully aware of the danger but also emotionally equipped to operate appropriately.

I don't think it'll be a problem. After all, teenagers are notoriously bad drivers, often a menace to society, myself included at the time! If anything, being older might make you more "chill" on the road.

Just don't be too chill, holding up traffic behind you. Go with the flow.

I've been driving for 30+ years, so I can't help you with the experience of learning at 40. But I can tell you what my dad told me when I started driving and what I will tell my children when they learn:

1. 90% of driving is predicting what the other drivers will do. Luckily most of them will follow the rules of the road, so you don't have to worry about those. You need to worry about the outliers. The driving part will become pretty automatic, it's the situational awareness that is most important.

2. There is only ever at most one person in front, one person in the back, and one person to each side. Those are the ones you need to worry about most. But you also need to know who will become those people soon, so make sure you look ahead and not at the road in front of you. And make sure you check your mirrors once in a while. When I was learning to drive, my dad would randomly quiz me, "is there a car to your left right now?" And I had to know without looking. Because in an emergency you need to already know which ways are clear.

But if you master these two things, you will be a better driver than most.

Good luck! And don't assume your age will make it hard -- the mechanics of driving are pretty straightforward with just a little bit of experience.

Most teenagers feel invicible and are unaware of their limitations. This can be a real asset when learning to drive!

As an adult learner, you're much more aware of your own mortality. You really feel the weight of responsibility for avoiding accidents. So you'll probably be a more careful driver, but it will take longer to get comfortable.

You could probably get a decent driving simulator setup for $150. Might be worth it. I'm sure there are all manner of hyper-realistic driving games these days.

I have a friend from southeast Asia who learned to drive as an adult in the US. He learned on a friend's car, receiving instruction from that friend. Here's some notes:

Having an instructor is nice, but a patient friend who you trust will also work.

The throttle is more sensitive than you'll expect at first. Automatic cars roll forward slowly unless you hold the brake. Old cars have less sensitive brake pedals - that's normal, not a sign of anything being worn out/broken.

Be confident. You will make mistakes, but you'll make fewer mistakes if you don't let mistakes get to your head.

When waiting to make a left turn, creep forward into the intersection. It will feel weird at first, but it makes traffic flow much more smoothly.

Take turns in counterclockwise order at stop signs. If people are going in clockwise order for some reason, do that instead. Just go with the flow. If you aren't sure when your turn is, wait for an awkward pause. The awkward pause means it's your turn (probably).

Use cruise control on highways. Nobody likes Lead Foot McGee and his magic fast-downhill-slow-uphill band.

Use your mirrors, and use your turn signals. This should go without saying, but I have to say it.

You're in New York. That's a hard place to learn to drive. But, if you become a good driver in New York, you'll be able to drive competently just about anywhere in North America.

I learned to ride a motorcycle around 30, in a big city no less.

Your brain is plenty plastic enough but remember that your brain can learn far better by analogy and conscious correlation than a younger, more plastic brain can. You are probably more socially and situationally aware than a younger person which is a huge part of driving safely.

You also have a fully formed prefrontal cortex so unlikely to make stupid choices behind the wheel made by many of us who learned to drive younger.

Also, to get a feel for pushing a vehicle it's traction limits (that you should never attempt on the road) try go-karting. It will help you understand the relationship between speed, turning, traction, and control.

I teach driving lessons as a job. Adults usually become proficient a little faster than kids, as they take it more seriously and have learned the laws through osmosis. Most of the time the difficulty with adults is they have no one to practice with.

Regarding skill, I think it's genetic. Some people can get their license in a week, others it takes months. Video game skills probably help.

I learned in my teens. I now hate driving. It is too much responsibility, and is boring. I can make anything go fast (including the Prius), but that has little overlap with safe and responsible driving (a proper understanding of human limits, such as how much we can track, how our eyes saccade, how quickly we can respond, makes it clear we need to drive slowly).

Just did at 40 as well.

If anything I found it a lot easier (I had taken driving lessons when I was 16 and didn’t perceive speed and danger like I do now).

I passed really easily, and have been driving about 50000 miles since (I moved from big city to the countryside which is why I needed the license).

In my teens, I had so much ability to process all kinds of stuff that I would pay attention to too much and get too distracted, and as a result, I would turn up music loud enough that it consumed the rest of my attention so that I'd stay focused on driving.

As an adult, I find myself turning off music and other distractions because they take up too much of my processing ability, because my ability to process that much is significantly lower than it was when I was a teenager. Keep this in mind as you're reading other advice aimed at teenagers, and understand how much of driving training is teaching someone to pay attention when there's so many things going on around them to watch but they mostly need to watch what they are doing.

I'm getting close to 40, have been studying for the driving exam since last May. It's terribly boring and tedious, and I guess that attitude is not helping, but it doesn't seem that much different than studying for an exam in my teens or twenties. I don't think there is any escape from it sucking at times, so, just, you know, make peace with that. Also, I'm not sure I'm buying any of that "plasticity" talk.

I’m in my 40s and have found that my eyes take longer to refocus from distance to another. Also, night vision is worse as you get older. When you’re young, these are more likely to be sharp.

In general people are horrible drivers. They tailgate, roll through stop signs, signal after they start changing lanes, don’t signal at all, are oncoming and have their tire in your lane.

In NYC they play a game of not letting you merge into a lane unless you basically threaten to crash into them.

I lived a life insulated from the morons of the general public until I started driving.