Show HN: Feedback on my ebook landing page

Clickable: http://startupprivacy.com

The "Keep me posted" button shouldn't be red! It looks dangerous, no way I'm clicking that.

eBooks are my thing.

The overall feel of the page is that of spammy and sleazy "eBook" sites. The wide margins with text in the center in a Too Damn Long scroll. At the end I expected a Two For One Offer so I could Start Making Money Now.

If I hadn't read this Show HN before visiting your landing I wouldn't have known that it was about an ebook. Not only do you not mention this above the fold but a quick search on [book] only returns 'facebook'.

There's something off about the faux book graphics, so I don't think you can exclusive rely on it to signal that this is a landing page about an ebook.

The link bar at top makes me think that each link loads a new page. That's a bit confusing and doesn't really add that much to the design of the site.

The keep Me Posted button is a vague call to action. It should be more direct and independent, e.g.: "Tell me when I can buy Startup Privacy".

* "The World is Not Standing By" is too cryptic.

* "Avoid The Pitfalls of Others" is great and should be closer to the fold.

Hi! My personal (totally subjective)impression after visiting the page is ambivalent. The text is convincing and well organized ('Pitfalls of others' is the strongest moment). But the design contradicts the content - I read 'trust' but can not trust the page. There are 3 factors which cause that (in my case): font, color-palette and the photo on the cover. Yes, I think that the cover photo is working against you. It shows a scene which induces negative emotions - someone who has something to hide. You see it often in the media (compromised politicians, suspects/accused people, guilty celebs etc.) and it's associated with negative reactions. As a result when I open the page I automatically feel aversion. I'd change the pic to something more safe (even the cliche padlock). The same goes for the color-palette. Once I read that the beige strongly polarizes people - they after love it or hate it. And combined with black menu above it looks distressing in my eyes. I'd choose the palette which is often associated with lawyers: dark green or purple, brown (wood), brass/gold etc. And that leads us to the choice of font. What about something what look more 'noble' and 'established' - some serif font? Sure, my suggestions lead to more 'generic'/cliche design but I think that it might build more trust (if not overused). Of course these are my subjective opinions - as always the only way will be to A/B/C test it.

The hero image there doesn't look like a book. It looks like an awkwardly skewed image.

The Headline is wrong. It does not move me to read the sub-headline.

The sub-headline is in a hard to read color.

Overall, the copy is just not sales-driven.

You seem to be approaching this as a programmer, and not as a sales person. Of course, you mention knowing nothing about copy writing.

Your best shot is to describe the book as if you were describing it to a friend.

No long sentences.

No long paragraphs.

Just to the point, but from a first person perspective. Tell people why you wrote it, and what they will get from it.

Also, your headline has to grab the visitor and pull him into reading the sub-headline.

Good Luck.

Edit

I'm willing to guide you towards something more effective marketing-wise. But I'm swamped right now. If you are willing to be patient and are willing to work on this in a period of two weeks, I can do it.

About me: I'm a programmer/copywriter with about 5-6 years of marketing experience (and a bit more programming).

My email is my username, but add a .com at the end.

BTW- This for free.

I think that the word 'reputation' is key to the entire page. I like the part about 'Customers Love Transparency' it makes me agree with you.

The sets of bullet points are very relevant and make the book seem informative, actionable and useful. I'd try to make 1 point not run to 2 lines.

The phrase "Master building rock solid trust and reputation" didn't scan quite right to me. I'd probably change it to something like

"Build rock solid trust and reputation"

I do think injecting a bit of carefully chosen colour would help too. Privacy policy and law can seem a dry subject so it's up to you to show the importance and add the colour of your enthusiasm.

For example if you look at a book like The Thank You Economy, a striking colour scheme and focusing on reputation, trust and relationships makes you understand the passion the author has for the subject.