How have you found purpose in your life?

Getting married and having kids. Even if you adopt. Some have said a marriage without children is self serving, which may be fine for many, but is counter to your aim of a purpose greater than you

I recently read "Four Thousand Weeks" and that book makes some great points on this subject: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/54785515-four-thousand-w...

Another evergreen recommendation for this topic of course is: "Man's Search for Meaning" https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4069.Man_s_Search_for_Me...

Wishing you the best on your journey

First, congrats on giving up alcohol. I did the same 3.5 years ago, best decision of my life.

I do train martial arts (Jiu-Jitsu and Muay Thai), have a garden, like to cook, read, etc.

But I've never found any real purpose for life, although I love Buddhism, and felt most complete when I was traveling through Bangkok with my girlfriend, visiting temples, meditating, and just living life.

Buddhism gives me a clarity of mind and a feeling of happiness that I was lacking without it. The purpose, essentially, is to end suffering in the world (as well as within yourself). Life is suffering. We can put out the flames, little by little.

In general, I think life philosophies are what people lack. You might try reading the Stoics and see the ways in which they recommend living life, or, like me, adopt a branch of Buddhism. But do explore as many philosophies as you can. Find one that clicks for you. And don't forget to travel.

Teaching your own kids gave me purpose

I will say a few things. When things like giving up alchohol happen your brain will do a lot of things to trick back into the drug. Like, for example, making the things you previously enjoyed seem not fun or fulfilling like they used to, all a ploy to get you back on the drink. I'm not an expert.

Speaking from experience the number one thing that gave me purpose in life is kids. There is nothing more purposeful that having something that you love more than yourself. I tell everyone this and I understand that you may not agree. Having kids is the greatest thing you will ever do. When you're 60 sitting at home you're going to wish you would have had them.

Non-kid suggestions would be start a project, that you can feel ownership over. You own it and make something of it. You are responsible for its success or failure. Again, I'm no expert.

Not really. I just go to work. Come home. Walk the dog. Cook, eat, sleep, and repeat.

This became super evident when I was filling out my benefits insurance form and found that aside from my mom, who is much older than me I have no beneficiaries.

I guess I have only my dog and my mom to live for.

Congrats on giving up the drinking OP. That's awesome bro! I suppose you could find purpose in sharing with others your journey on how to give up booze.

Help others. Any skills you have, there's people earlier on the path. Find people like that who are stuck on something, help and mentor.

Kids, inadvertently

Obviously don't "have them" to get your life in order.

Biological purpose is the foundation of everything else.

Why must there be a purpose? The attachment to the desire that there is purpose is flawed. Imagine living in the 3rd century BC, and some one comes up to you and says "They just discovered the world is round!" Although a monumental discovery, palatable in your day to day. Start doing things, and at some point you'll find new things you like to do.

Helping others like volunteering, teaching, etc is something that gives people a sense of purpose, does that interest you?

Good job getting sober!

I have a similar background, alcoholic for about 20 years. Mid-life, married and no kids (and wife+me do not want kids).

Life is purposeless, that is why people fill it with religion or children.

It's up to us to make something out of it, and I believe social interactions is the best way to it.

So, for some suggestions, I'd suggest get out there and find some new friends who share some interests. Or maybe pick up some new hobbies/interests.

A crucial point i think is to put yourself out there to experience new impressions, that's what usually make me the most happy. Take a long walk in the sun and experience a new place for the first time.

Here's some things I do to avoid drinking:

* exercising by chopping woods, digging ditches and building stuff.

* learning wood working

* looking for treasure with metal detector

* learning more about biology by being outside and studying plants, birds, bugs and all that.

* hang out with animals. me+wife got some horses, chicken and cats. they are awesome!

* offered myself to produce visual effects for a local band live gigs, as a bonus i get to show off my programming visually which is rare for a backend-dev

* picked up bee-keeping, both cheap and challenging hobby

* farming. watching stuff grow that you care for is meaningful in some self-fulfilling sense. also co-farming with other neighbors

* joined a sewing circle, great social place and as a bonus managed to mend a lot of broken clothes

Good luck out there!

The microservices people must be too busy to comment.

If drinking leaves you in a mental fog I would suggest it's not the fact that you're drinking daily but rather the quantity you're drinking. I've been almost teetotal for a few years for no deliberate reason, but before that a drink a day certainly did not create a mental fog.

As others have said kids. Even if you don't want to have your own or adopt any, find young people to mentor in some capacity. It could be your nieces or nephews, neighbors, or kids you work with through a volunteer organization. If you're into sports junior and pee-wee leagues are always looking for coaches.

Also just in general change your mindset to being a producer and a giver instead of a consumer and a taker. Taking up a hobby such as wood working, leather working, or music where you can produce some tangible result for your efforts can do wonders for your mental health.

Personally, if I'd be smarter or more agreeable/better with authority, I'd personally work at a place that'd advance science. Advancing human knowledge and helping with unraveling the mystery of why the hell we are here would be a part of my purpose.

But I strongly dislike how little academia pays and how much politics it has. It's not like I can pick out a problem myself that seems unsolvable and try to have a crack at it. Also, the problems to solve feel way too hard with the skillset I have.

Ever since I was a kid I wanted to know everything. I can't let that go. I'm not the brightest, and yet I'm still following that mission.

We are social creatures. Providing value to others arguably leads to better long term satisfaction with life (unless psycho/sociopaths, they need not worry about this)

It can be through having kids, but also through teaching others, passing on knowledge or being of help to others through work or inventions.

I have at least three but at 40+ I'm still nowhere near being able to not work and devote myself to them. :(

I spent a long time on this question in my 30s. For me the ideas of Albert Camus are what stuck. Essentially we're in an absurd situation as humans where we have brains that want to find purpose and meaning in a universe that seems to be devoid of meaning (in a universal sense). But the silver lining on that is that it means finding purpose/meaning is actually simple - you get to choose what feels meaningful to you and can pursue that without worrying about what any external parties think is meaningful. That won't get rid of the instinct to search for meaning, but at least you can be mindful of it and not let it stress you out all the time.

For me, it feels meaningful to play with and educate my daughter. But also it feels very meaningful to find ways to help others through philanthropy and to just spend time learning more about the natural world. Before learning all this I looked for meaning in more egotistical places like career prestige and "achievements" but they just felt empty to me.

I now think that the search for meaning/purpose from an external source is a futile trap that you can burn large chunks of lifetime on.

There have been points where I've become dissatisfied with where I'm at and have pondered the question, and now I do believe career and consumer outlets end up being hollow distractions at a certain point, but I don't have a narrow purpose. Instead, I've learned to appreciate that it's the ways you engage your curiosity over time, the way you treat yourself, the time you give others, as well as the things you do to make life a little easier for others, that make life wonderful.

Kids or a house have never and aren't likely going to be part of my future, and there will probably come a time where the absence of those life stages makes me wonder what else there is, but until then it's important to preserve and grow with the people I see walking on the street, my friends, family, girlfriend etc.. and write a little code and do a bit of work ideally along the way.

Learning a new skill that’s very different from what you do at work. I’ve found passion in reading and learning about financial markets and their cyclical nature.

At the moment I am busting my ass to get ahead at work so that's my focus. But...

I have a 22 year old adult daughter (I had her when I was 19) - she didn't grow up with me (I did provide financial support) but I do feel connected to her. Its nice she exists. She's even finished college. I would though like to have 1-2 more children (I am 42 so its possible) ideally in the next 2 years.

I plan also, as a hobby, to make a 'social' boardgame. I hope one day it can be turned into a web application.

I would also like to write a blog / write stories.

When I'm retired I would like to help out with community stuff too.

I want to try and be useful and spread kindness till I'm gone. Other people are all we have.

Nothing I found. Note that I have a job, a couple of hobbies and a family, but nothing sticks.

Job is just a job. Hobbies become jobs if I dip too deep (like writing an interpreter), and family is mostly chores so it's job anyway.

But TBH I have never met anyone who figured that out. My wife apparently does not have a purpose, unless you count growing up the kid as one. My parents in law doom scroll tiktok and other similar apps everyday. My parents doom scroll the same apps and make posts criticizng the government everyday.

My best friend owns a small workshop so he is pretty deep into his work. But he told me he does not enjoy the work. He has few hobbies and little time anyway.

My other best friend owns maybe 10 renting properties. He is very good at it I can tell you, but apparently he likes to be busy but hate the content.

My another friend actually likes his job, but he also wants to write iOS apps and be a indie. I do not think he has found the purpose either, although he is probably in the best shape mentally.

I know a few other friends but they are mostly in the same shape. They all own some small businesses so they are sort of passionate about working, but that is defintely not their calling if you ask me. They do fare better than the salary earners I guess.

I don't think there is a purpose to life. I used to think I was an existentialist and thus believed it's up to me to find my purpose. So I kept looking for a purpose and I kept getting increasingly more depressed by not being able to find it. Recently I understood that I am in fact an absurdist: I don't think there is a point to this game, and thus I don't delude myself into trying to look for it - this realization really took a lot of weight off my shoulders. But: a true absurdist par excellence would do the most absurd thing he can and STILL look for some purpose, despite assuming there is none. Ernest Becker while himself dying of cancer wrote in "The Denial of Death" of strong human need for some "immortality project" - something that outlasts the decaying human form; something more than your own form to keep going on as if for you, after you. Probably the most direct path to such thing is to have a child, but it could also be coming up with a cure for cancer, or fighting for some other good cause. How would you like to be immortalized and do you even care?

The essence of existence lies in aiding others—be it humans, animals, or the environment. Witness the profound satisfaction that comes from lending a hand.