How do I figure out if I have some mental disorder or I am just dumb, lazy?
i am at a point in life where either i kill myself literally or kill the person i am (in personality, actions and thoughts).
my parents say that i am just looking for an excuse for my failures and they could be right, as they usually have been. Also, i have been unable to learn anything from mistakes and experiences throughout life and i haven't grown as a person at all. i am a 10 year old in a 24 year old's body.
i am at a wits' end on what the hell to do? i cannot see myself living like this anymore.
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[ 3.4 ms ] story [ 54.7 ms ] threadBut now that i think about it, she may have been right. My actions and beliefs do seem to point to a low intellect and i may be narcissistic.
If you've had sh*tty experience(s) with that, then seek better providers. They do exist, and can be found. Priority is their soft skills to help you, in your own situation. Fancy degree & certifications are not what you're looking for in a provider.
this makes me doubt whether i have a mental problem or i am just a lazy, unorganized person who can't change my dysfunctional habits.
It's also not something you can just "tough out with gritted teeth" because it's fundamentally not something wrong with you, it's essentially society expecting everyone to be able to just deal with what society requires when that's not always possible.
There is hope, and I'd advise talking to a professional if you can, and if not at least research ADHD symptoms and stories about how autistic people finally deal with how difficult life is when you are neurodivergent. It might help you realize that YOU are NOT bad, just different. Short example might be "dogs and cats kind of look and act similarly (both 4 legged mammals with a tail) but only one can easily climb a tree, and it's not a failing of the dog that it can't act like a cat and climb a tree."
the one time i did work hard in school, i did not get anywhere as good outcomes as the effort i put in. i live in a part of the world where money is very necessary (i mean, it is important everywhere) and to earn boatloads, you have to be exceptional, know the right people, be wily enough to catch opportunities and manipulate people but i don't have the capabilities to do any of this.
i am going to be honest, i have had big dreams and ambitions but i have never been able to put in the work to get to them because of multitude of reasons. so, i don't really know what to do anymore.
It's taken more than 10 years (mostly because we didn't know anything about anything emotional until recently and therefore couldn't get her help), but she's finally getting past a lot of the symptoms you mention.
I skimmed over maladaptive freeze response and from what i could understand, it affects a person in situations which were stressful for them in the past, but for me, i haven't had any extreme traumatic experiences that i remember, except bullying but my inaction has extended to normal, everyday things like academics which has been particularly emphasized by my parents and i have had a positive view of learning since early childhood but maybe due to low mental capacity, never really learned much.
Personally, I was physically taken care of but had an overly permissive parent who treated me like a roommate rather than a child and that was enough to cause decades of suffering and not understanding why I couldn't do things other people found easy and natural.
i can definitely relate with the last sentence haha, but you seem to have overcome it, how?
Also, i peeked around at your profile (sorry!) and see, this is what terrifies me. You have been coding since a young age, have worked in so many cool positions, even created your own software products. I on the other hand, first learned about programming when i was 14-15 and even tried learning it a bit before stopping idk why thinking i will learn later and instead daydreaming about making millions lmao. but i never was actually able to learn it, not just programming, basically anything people learn as they grow. My parents are still supportive and that makes it even worse since i did shit despite a good environment. There is this sense of doom that has taken over me and i don't know what to do.
Second step is to allow the possibility that even supportive parents can still make mistakes that negatively impact your ability to do the things you want to do. Neglect has nothing to do with the kind of person your parents are. This is not a moral judgement of your parents.
Third is to learn about and to accept and rely on your emotions. This is where I'm at and it's a long process, but the sooner you get started the soon you become unstuck.
Also, no one remembers neglect. How can you remember something you didn't have?
Good people can neglect things. Maybe they had an uncle/aunt who was supportive in a certain way so they didn't know they need to support they own children in that way. Or maybe they had their own issues they were working through and just didn't have the bandwidth or capacity to give something or other to their children. Again neglect is not a moral judgement.
Which links to
https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/what-is-pda-menu/what-is-deman...
This is something I struggle with but didn't have words for either.
It's a constant struggle to keep healing.
What do you think i should do now?
It is possible that i have no technical acumen and may not have anywhere close to an exceptional intellect to fulfill my dreams. That combined with the strong aversion to doing any tasks, whether mental or physical means i am basically a vegetable but i don't want to be.
i don't know if you can help me with this but no harm in asking. are psychologists who follow freudian methodologies effective? i got an assessment done with a psychologist who used tests like rorshcach inkblot test, thematic apperception test and some others.
To your parents, I would say even procrastination isn’t intentional it’s the symptom, not the cause.
All that time I thought my neglect had given me strength and resilience. But it just made me inflexible and obstinate.
Good luck to you dealing with this unhinged mess that is called humanity.