AI is driving me to suicide
Just the title. I don't have any hopes whatsoever for my future anymore after having worked hard to reach the point I am, and the future looks as bleak as ever. Reading AI shit every single day, even when it's hyped, and knowing it's coming for everyone no matter its actual capabilities is driving me insane - I don't get what the point of existing is anymore if the only two paths left in life are either a rat race to death and being reduce to a mere commodity for menial tasks that cannot be automated with current technology, or basically not having anything to do whatsoever because you cost too much and AI can do whatever you do at an acceptable quality.
It's been months I'm going to sleep hoping not to wake up.
Thank you for reading my blog post
45 comments
[ 1.4 ms ] story [ 130 ms ] threadtry unplugging from the internet for a couple hours, days, weeks and maybe months.
it's either nihilistic optimism or that. i chose the former everyday.
if you don't have one, make one.
if you have one but you dread them, find better ones.
if you were unable to see nor read or if you were born in a different country will you have the same exact worries? you're probably taking for granted a lot of things in your life now that other people would fight and die for.
I won't be able to help my family anymore, not that where I came from, not the one I'd liked to build with my fiancee. I won't be able to provide anymore, I won't mean anything anymore as a human. The significance of an individual is already so brittle when taken out of every relationship with others that it takes very little to be left with meaning nothing at all.
> if you were unable to see nor read or if you were born in a different country will you have the same exact worries? you're probably taking for granted a lot of things in your life now that other people would fight and die for.
"Why are you complaining about your leg being cut off and bleeding, if there are people out there who were born without legs at all?" This kind of retorts go nowhere and just serve as an apathetic response to any event that can happen in life. I won't have that. I'll simply choose violence, and since nobody deserves to be hurt by anyone's else anger, I'll simply redirect it towards myself and reject the world that is going to come. That's taking action.
If I'm reading this correctly, it sounds like you're currently providing, have a family whom you help, and you have a fiancee.
Those are all very good reasons to stick around.
There is no need for other people to endure the presence of a walking disappointment, nor for them to feint appreciation where one day there'll be none left. Cruel as it may sound, she'll move on, as everyone else does. I never got around grasping the concept of being there just because others would hurt otherwise - if I did, and if you do, then we're in agreement of forfeiting the concept that you own the right to your own life.
I know the feeling, it's tough. Keep on kicking.
You are being incredibly naive and selfish. You need to have a heart-to-heart with the humans in your life that depend on you right now. You need to tell them these thoughts that you are having. You are living in a future that doesn't exist right in the moment of the now. I really don't know why you are seeing a future where AI might be taking over certain roles and jobs as such a soul-crushing dystopian thing. Do you base your worth in life only on your ability to be employed and have a job? Where is your passion? Where is your creativity? What if in the future you just get money because you exist and were born and you get to have a fulfilling life taking care of your family being with loved ones and pursuing passion? But you don't see it that way. You just want to throw it all away right now because... What exactly?
It seems that to you. It actually doesn't have anything to do with what you've just said.
> You are being incredibly naive and selfish.
Thanks.
> You need to have a heart-to-heart with the humans in your life that depend on you right now. You need to tell them these thoughts that you are having.
To what end would I do something like that? To make them live in an hell of their own waiting for the inevitable? Just so that maybe they can convince me out of guilt that no, this life is actually worth something the direction the world is going AND people want it to go?
> Do you base your worth in life only on your ability to be employed and have a job?
Yes, and you'll find many others can only feel like me. Call me slave, I don't care. My existence finds its worth only in relation to what consequences my actions have on others; otherwise, it becomes pointless hedonism.
> Where is your passion?
Do I have to have one? Which passion? For what? For things that I do outside my job or anything unrelated to providing for others? Which passion are you talking about? What passes for someone's passion? Is finding value in things that come out of struggle, and willing to die because the CERTAIN future inability to do so not a passion? Do I necessarily have to pluck some strings and post it on twitter to have a passion? Are my thought and the violence I'm willing to do on myself not a sign of an internal passion? Is not going out with a bang sign of a passion?
> Where is your creativity?
Evidently, I don't have one.
> What if in the future you just get money because you exist and were born and you get to have a fulfilling life taking care of your family being with loved ones and pursuing passion?
See point above about "passion", and apply that to "fulfillment". Not everybody finds fulfillment in the same things, and I sure do not find mine in being catered for. Not that I ever felt fulfilled, but that was okay since not too long ago.
> You just want to throw it all away right now because... What exactly?
"All" what? My life? If so, I want to throw it away because I don't belong in a world nor in a future where my life will be defined by principles and a meaning that would've never been enough/the right one to define myself in the first place.
i'm gonna be honest i don't have the answers, but i have the distractions: maybe go on a bender for a weekend? these things are great to rant about around alcohol and cigs
> on one hand it sounds like someone who just got out of a psychedelic trip, on the other hand it sounds like someone who needs to go through one.
I'm going to decline both statements, I'm sane (AFAIK, and exception made for the suicidal ideations themselves) and I don't reckon I'd enjoy tripping at all.
> maybe go on a bender for a weekend
I had to look that up as I'm not a native speaker. Unfortunately fate granted me a weak stomach so I can't hold down more than a couple of beers, which lately I began avoiding since it only makes it worse. Cheers though.
You've got the solution to your problem in that phrase
If only that was so simple
I won't be choosing inaction, once and for all
Please don't do anything rash. It's not worth it. None of us actually know what the future holds.
But it really doesn't matter to me anymore what the future holds. I know I'll be unfit for it, that there will be no place for people like me in there.
There comes a certain point in life where everyone around you just looks in a different direction than you do, and when you cannot bring yourself to look in the same direction, you know you're finished.
Therefore, the best course of action is to not make any permanent decisions based on that faulty perspective.
There's innumerable people who have fit that criteria, didn't do it, and are thankful they didn't.
I sincerely hope you will be one of them.
I just don't want to stick around and find that out. I simply do not belong in a world where everyone would be perfectly fine with the implications of this one bubble not popping.
I can't, never got around doing that. And as I replied elsewhere, that bridge is held up by the will of many as if they made an Atlas of an idea that I simply cannot bring myself to share. I cannot pretend to belong to a future that holds no place for me.
Speaking objectively, with every change there will be a spread, in that spread winners, losers, and those who make the tread. All you really need to survive in this game of life (freak calamity aside) is to beat the averages.
On the personal account, emotional refactoring to loss is easier to drown out in methodical purpose. Get to work on something in which it's completion is it's own purpose and know that most every great succeeder was forged in the crucible of self determination. "Live lean" is a sage advice for uncertain times.
What you describe is a part of the ouroboros. your instinct I hope will motivate you to higher orders of completeness.
For the determined sort, there will always be a spread to beat and the ability to change the self will always put you ahead of whatever that curve will be.
Hopefully someone else will also read it if they stumble upon this thread, and find solace in it.
> beat the averages
That's the thing, I don't care about doing that this time. I've always been fine putting the most amount of effort I doing it, and it gave me meaning. This time, I don't find any reason anymore for doing that, because whatever comes is simply dehumanizing from my point of view. Beating the averages would be simply to admit defeat, and I don't feel like doing it. I really like the idea of simply saying no to this, and the only way to do that is to "leave the premises". Cheers
The pleasure of the 1v1 or small team v. small team is inherently human , if AI is too strong it would take care of our needs while we compete against each other for brain and muscle bragging rights among humans. And it would feel exactly the same, much like the team who saves itself from relegation on the last matchday celebrates just as hard as the one who wins the Championship being some 70 points ahead.
This whole "ooh no I am not gonna be the one building the future, it's gonna be AI instead" panic is very unjustified, it's already like this.
In fact without the help of the other 8bn humans a single individual left alone in the wild would struggle to build a shelter and start a fire, and all the excel proficiency and LLM knowledge won't save your ass from wild animals either.
People who are afraid of AI need to zoom out and realize that their precious job they fear losing is not like being on top of a pyramid, it's more like being a cogwheel within a system of 8bn cogwheels interacting with each other. You might think yours is special because it's a little bit bigger or spins a little bit faster but if you zoom out you'd not even notice it and if it stops the effect on the whole system is zero and it's immediately replaced anyway.
Yuck, thanks but no thanks. I don't see any reason to find solace in reducing my own life to that.
> This whole "ooh no I am not gonna be the one building the future, it's gonna be AI" panic is very unjustified, it's already like this.
It's not, and I don't see it's unjustified
> In fact without the help of the other 8bn human a single individual left alone in the wild would struggle to build a shelter and start a fire.
Citation needed.
If the AI is doing the building, we have to take care of the destroying, in this case destroying other people within a ring or an oktagon, at the poker table or on the chessboard, sailing and surfing competitions for the more exotic personalities, also destroying pu*ies of all ethnicities too, that is always a good relief for anxiety.
> > It's not, and I don't see it's unjustified
Think for a second the source of the materials needed to put together the phone you are typing from and the whole internet infrastructure , it's the 8bn people who put together all of that not you
> > Citation needed.
Go do it then, also remember that the fact that wood + spark make a fire is not your knowledge it was passed over to you
What a bunch of vapid nonsense.
> Think for a second the source of the materials needed to put together the phone you are typing from and the whole internet infrastructure , it's the 8bn people who put together all of that not you > people
That exactly proves my point.
> Go do it then, also remember that the fact that wood + spark make a fire is not your knowledge it was passed over to you
You seem to be under the impression that I somehow am not capable to do so.
And that's not even the point, just living outside the world because you can't bear being in it is not something desirable to me nor valiant on a general premise; not sure why you're taking that as a counterpoint to my distress.
Do not fear becoming irrelevant and replaceable due the fact that the age of AI is (allegedly, stock-pump-promotionally) looming.
You already are.
And your parents before you and your grandparents etc.
To reach some sort of individual human relevancy and irrepleacibility you need to go back to the point in time when there were about 10,000 humans.
1/10000.
Nominator/Denominator, these are the basics son.
I reckon that's the reason why you jump to projecting the fear of being replaceable unto others - especially after it's quite clear from the other comments that I'm not interested in the slightest in being relevant and/or replaced.
I don't care. That's not the point. I've always been a cog in the machine. Even celebrities are. Even tech bros are. AI won't change that or the uniqueness of people, but will change how people perceive their own existence in the world. I know this is all wasted on someone who counters someone on the close verge of suicide with the argument that "at least you can have interracial sex lmao", so I'll just stop here. Cheers
The one thing that does strike me is the fact that you're reducing everything to a very simplistic and one dimensional viewpoint. Yes AI is coming, but AI is not everything. There will still be love, laughter, games, nature, human interaction, beauty, art, cute cats, crafts, sex, music, dance, culture, food...
Life doesn't stop just because AI arrives. In the same way that it didn't stop when the steam or oil age arrived. Or when we moved from an agricultural age to an industrial age. Our money and our work don't define us, our life defines us. In totality. Our experiences, our learnings, our curiosity, our passion, our relationships. There's so much interesting stuff going on, all the time, if we can only stop and engage with it.
Good luck!
Perhaps the purpose of this experience is for you to stop clinging to the false God of your usefulness and instead clearly see your true nature and your true relationship with God.
> stop clinging to the false God of your usefulness and instead clearly see your true nature and your true relationship with God
I've been longing for that for a very long time. Hopefully I'll be able to feel loved that way sooner or later.
I see 2 things that are good news here, the first is that you reached out to others for help, speaking purely statistically this is a good indicator that you are a survivor! The second good news is that much of the AI hype you're hearing is embellished for profit. Things feel really bleak because of where your head is at right now, and that can change!
Please go get help from the people waiting to give it to you, you can make it through even this!
How do they do that?
I know it sucks to struggle with a lack of meaning, fulfillment, and agency. Many of us feel degrees of that too, with AI on the horizon and our careers (if not societies) possibly ending. As a two-time suicide survivor myself, I also totally understand the feeling of "I don't get the point of existing anymore", a mixture of hopelessness for the future, persistent dysthymia, and moments of intense pain/suffering. It's no fun... at all. I don't know your situation, but I'm sorry you have to deal with that :(
But before you jump to any conclusions (no pun intended), I would like to ask if you could please just consider how people find the will to go on despite recurring hardships and failures and an overall lack of purpose & fulfillment in their lives.
Is your career the only source of meaning in your life? Even if you are reduced to a mere commodity... well, so what? Billions of people are just commoditized pawns in the schemes of the rich & powerful, working 9-5s or worse to make someone else rich. That's the default state of human existence in our industrialized, capitalist world. Even before AI, most of us were still just pawns for the Bezos and Musks of the world, living slightly more comfortably, maybe, but ultimately doing forgettable work that will likely be unused and forgotten after a few years anyway.
But so what? Despite these existences, folks still have friends, hobbies, a love of poetry/nature/fishing/hunting/sports/games/whatever it is that they look forward to every week. They have struggles that they go through and feel satisfaction after resolving. They enjoy the simple pleasures of good meal, a hot bath or hot sex, a sunny walk, whatever.
On the other hand, our most famous movie and music stars overdose and die young, politicians live under constant hatred from millions, the rich live lonely, solitary existences not knowing who to trust... even if you "made it", or are on top of the AI revolution, that's no guarantee of happiness either.
All that is to say that in our lives, we're given no inherent right to happiness, only the chance to pursue it. And even when you find it, it's usually fleeting, with no guarantee it'll last the year, much less the rest of your life.
But you at least have that chance. I can't promise you will find career fulfillment, much less happiness, after AI. Many of us will probably lose our paths and have to start over from scratch, competing with hordes of others. But guess what? That just makes us like the other 99% of people... the kid born into poverty, the Uber immigrant driver with no education, the person scammed out of their life savings, the mom who lost her whole family in a car crash. Everyone's struggling, and compared to most, we're still better off, with more resources, professional experience, connections, education, whatever. All you have is a chance, and it's up to you to drive the rest of your life the way you want it to go, with or without a tech career.
Maybe you'll find another fulfilling tech job, or maybe work in another field altogether, or maybe have to be unemployed for a long time and go ...
It def gave me some food for thought.
> I don't have any hopes whatsoever for my future anymore after having worked hard to reach the point I am, and the future looks as bleak as ever.
If you are in a good place now thanks to your hard work, you should have more faith in yourself that regardless of the time you live in, your good qualities will help see you through more situations :)
> Reading AI shit every single day, even when it's hyped, and knowing it's coming for everyone no matter its actual capabilities is driving me insane
One thing I always do when scrolling through Twitter etc is try to see the conflicts of interests of the people spreading AI FOMO. They inevitably have something they want to sell, or an AI company, or are trying to position themselves as thought leaders to secure an investment. In today's world, everyone is trying to sell us something or trying to tell us what to think. Let's be strong and not fall for it! I agree with some of the other commenters about disconnecting from social media, and talking to real people in the living world, not disembodied voices online!
> I don't get what the point of existing is anymore if the only two paths left in life are either a rat race to death and being reduce to a mere commodity for menial tasks that cannot be automated with current technology, or basically not having anything to do whatsoever because you cost too much and AI can do whatever you do at an acceptable quality.
The world is so beautiful, and we are so young. If you have the resources, try to travel, to another country, or city or neighborhood. There are people from all walks of life who have never even heard of AI, and who are happily going about their business. We are just like those people, we are small specks on the scale of the universe. Let's celebrate the life we have. In our world there is a lot of anguish, war, hunger, it's also worth remembering all the blessings we have.
Basically I've been without employment for months because my last job ruined me and treated me as expendable, without facing or understanding the consequences of getting too deep into the tech/engineering field. Lately I have only been able to hope that they receive their judgment sooner rather than later, so that we can slow down the progress of AI and carefully evaluate it as a proper engineering field rather than a cash-grab tech bubble that will burst at this rate.
Hang in there, shit's just hitting the fan.
Also sorry to know you've been through that.