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Ask HN: How to "switch off" after work?

3 points by Sander_Marechal ↗ HN
Hi HN. I've been having stress-related health problems lately. Now, before you all start screaming "Go see a doctor!", I already did. I've made some changes in my personal life already, but work keeps on being a source of stress.

I have problems "switching off" after work. I work in a web development company on various projects that all demand my attention. With my boss I have reduced the number of projects I'm working on but it still keeps me occupied after hours.

What usually happens is that some sales guy or other non-techie comes to me asking me about future projects or estimates or something that they think is a simple question. They hope for a quick answer not realising that answering their questions would actually involve doing quite a bit of thinking and solving technical puzzles. My geek brain loves puzzles and has a hard time trying not to solve them.

When it's only a few things this isn't that much of a problem. I put it in the back of my mind, let it percolate and simmer for a couple of days or weeks and usually after a couple of days I suddenly find a nice solution (for some reason this usually happens in the shower or on the toilet. Don't ask me why). But if I have too many puzzles simmering in the back of my mind I get overloaded leading to some unpleasant physical side effects. Continuing high heart rate and blood pressure, trouble sleeping, anxiety, etcetera. You know the feeling after someone gave you a good scare? Imagine feeling that way all the time. Not fun.

I want to learn how to "switch off" after work. It's not that I don't enjoy the projects. Generally they are great, involving things I really love to work on, with very interesting technical challenges that I'd love to solve. There's just too many of them. On the doctor's advise I'm currently working half days instead of full days and that sucks. I feel like I'm letting my team mates down.

Have you ever been in this situation? How did you get out of it? How do you guys keep from overloading your brains?

Thanks in advance for your advise!

14 comments

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Piskvorrr
sudo poweroff;

But seriously: for me, cycling from/to work is a good way to clear my head - it's a 40-minute-to-1-hour commute; I find that sufficient to stop thinking about work.

welp
I second this -- even if it doesn't stop you thinking about work, period, it is usually enough to jerk you out of "the flow", which (for me) makes it that much more difficult to get back into whatever I was doing 30 or 45 minutes ago.
Sander_Marechal
Thanks for the tip. Sadly, the commute is too long for my current job. Cycling would take nearly 90 minutes. That's a bit long, considering I work from 7:30 to 17:00.

I used to bike to my previous job though. That was a 20 minute ride.

stephengillie
Find a completely different set of problems that you also enjoy working on. Find a hobby that occupies your mind as much as your work, but is quite different from your work. Maybe start learning about quantum entanglement or the WH40k Space Marines backstory.

Or you could turn to drinking :)

Sander_Marechal
I make it a point of only drinking in the weekends, never when I have to work the next day :-)

I do have a completely different non-tech hobby already: Medieval Reenactment and Living History. I really love building medieval stuff with my hands (clothing, armour, furniture, etcetera). And I find fighting a great way to relieve stress. Nothing like being in a battle, wielding a sword or spear with thundering cannons pouring fire and smoke all around you.

But that's not exactly a hobby that you can do at home for an hour or so after work. Events are scheduled every couple of weeks. Even building things takes time, so when I want to make something I usually plan in advance so I can work half a day or a full day on it.

kaolinite
First thing I do when I get back from work is play video games for an hour or so. That lets me relax and forget completely about work, plus recuperate some energy. After that, the coding begins. I strongly believe that an hour or so of video games can really help, if you have the time. It completely occupies your mind, you can't really think of anything else whilst playing.
Sander_Marechal
For some reason I pretty much stopped playing computer games when I started programming. I think Quake II and Diablo II are the last games I played seriously. After that I got into indy game development as a hobby and I started making games instead of playing them. The indie gamedev scene moved very fast back then (and probably still does). I found I coulnd't really keep up with it as just a hobby, then I switched to web development.
kaolinite
Fair enough. How about watching some TV/Netflix or something then? Just something to get your mind off work for an hour before you go and work on a hobby or something.
DanBC
Exercise and meditation.

CBT if it's affecting your life and you can find a practitioner or good book ("mind over mood" is often recommended but I'm not sure if it's a good fit).

EDIT: You may want to set up a "relax routine" - routines tell your body that now is a time to relax. You need to work at it, but it does help. You might want to try an hour of gentle reading with a warm milky drink (NO CAFFEINE) followed by a quick shower.

You may want to try cutting out almost all caffeine, just have a bit in the morning.

You say this:

> On the doctor's advise I'm currently working half days instead of full days and that sucks. I feel like I'm letting my team mates down.

Don't feel guilty! Getting help now means you'll be able to work harder longer when you're well. Not getting stuff sorted out now risks a bigger more severe burn out, with longer time off. You'd do the same for them. No-one wants you to be stressed.

Sander_Marechal
With CBT, do you mean Cognitive Behavioral Training? My primary language isn't English. I already talked about that with my doctor. It's something that we'll be looking into if I'm still suffering from the same problems 4-6 weeks down the road.
kellros
There isn't a quick cure for stress. It is cited that stress in the short run is positive (can give you motivation), but in the long run is damaging to your health.

There are multiple ways of managing stress: Healthy diet (4+ servings of fruit/veg a day) Supplements (Vitamin B2 works well) Exercise (1-3 times a week works) Mind-numbing hobbies (sometimes games can be stressful too) Do something you are passionate about Take a vacation (preferably a week or longer) Mindful meditation

In the long run, the most effective way of beating stress is to lead a balanced life. Sometimes it's neccessary to say 'no' to maintain this balance.

Best of luck!

Sander_Marechal
Thanks for this. I'm trying to do most of the things you've listed, though I bet I could do better :-)

I exercise 2 times a week (volleybal and medieval sword fighting). I eat reasonably healthy (decent home cooked food, fresh veggies etc.) and I have a non-tech passion: medieval reenactment. But that's not really a hobby you can do for an hour after work or so.

I do have a vacation coming up, but that's still two months away. My doctor recommended that I take an extra vacation. I have plenty of vacation days left, but I feel a bit guilty towards my fellow programmers. One of our senior programmers left for another company two weeks ago and the position is still open. So, we're all quite busy.

Also, my girlfriend doesn't have spare vacation days. So either I'd have to go on vacation alone or be stuck at home.

sbank
The standard stuff: get enough sleep, exercise, have a hobby, etc.

Also, perhaps you are stressed and are unable to switch off because you approach work in a way that makes it impossible for your brain to switch off when you go home. Do you use your brain to remember stuff that you have to do? Do you use your brain to organize your workday? When there is a lot going on, do you use your brain to juggle everything so you are able to stay on top off it? If you go home, is it necessary for you to remember something, anything, until the next day?

If so, and from some of what you write it can seem so: STOP IT! STOP IT NOW! Write everything down. Everything. Projects, tasks, lists, what you have to to, what worries you, problems to solve, etc. Keep it somewhere you trust where you know that you will look often, be that specialized software or a simple notepad. This will allow you to completely "forget" work when you go home. It takes practice to get good at it, but from personal experience the difference is phenomenal. Drop the occasional lists and Post-Its and make a detailed and good system.

My main source of stress at work is when there is a lot to do and I use my working memory to stay on top of it. I hate that. I hate using precious brain power to remember stuff, and it makes me ineffective and tired quickly. Maybe Getting Things Done by David Allen will help. If helped me a lot, at least. My efforts with staying to a system can go up and down, but when I do it well work is nonexistent to me until the next workday begins, even when I have a lot on my plate.

debacle
For me, I play a game of Dota 2, or spend an hour doing yard work, or take the kids for a walk.

Something physically or mentally stimulating that will also prevent me from thinking about ones and zeroes will usually do the trick.