I had quite brutal vertigo my whole life, 4-5m on some roof was enough to make me clamp railing like there was no tomorrow.
So what did I do? Grabbed my chance when friend was organizing small trip to nearby via ferrata. He had trust I could do it, and I've tried small bouldering efforts before. So we went, in few minutes we were >100m above ground on properly vertical cliff, just holding bits of metal drilled into rock, he was belaying my girlfriend with additional rope but I climbed on my own. I was focusing on what was ahead/above and only briefly checking the abyss below.
Suffice to say this changed my life. Within 2 years, I was climbing longer multi pitch routes basically every weekend, did all ferratas I could drive to, started alpinism, ski touring, paragliding... fear is gone, 1000m exposed cliffs dont make me even wink.
But the journey, which I stumbled upon completely by accident and without any goals, has had much more profound effect on my personality. A close colleague who witnessed this period just said : "you have changed during that time..." with some envy in his voice. I no longer obsess and stress about stuff that aint important in life. I dont fear death at all. I quickly recognize toxic people and push them away (this may have come also from my interest in psychology, who knows). As I get older these are invaluable tools, seeing otherwise smart folks around me being stunned in life due to these.
What I want to say - our fears can end up being our great advantage that can make us much better people, just try challenging yourself. If the proverbial hills you have to climb in life are bigger than other's it can mean you end up being much stronger than folks who have it easy in life. And stay the hell away from life's comfort zone - you owe it to yourself and your closest ones.
Congrats to have overcome one obstacle in life. Be careful with pushing away toxic people though, this sounds to me like instagram psychology, that surrounds all of us and does not have to carry the burden of consequences, when trumpeting their wisdom. It is just popular click-bait.
Your fellow neighbour may be toxic, but maybe he has fears just like you. Judging people is a rabbit hole. You might be considered toxic too just because of that. What then? I stick with the good, old way: i just do not like a person. No one forces me to deal with them.
Thank you for advice, don't have instagram so not sure about that part. Pushing away toxic folks comes from raw experience - I can't help them, thats always the case eventually, they just drag me and everybody else down their drain.
Maybe its just about meaning of those words - "i just do not like a person. No one forces me to deal with them." - sounds like my approach too, the key is to recognize it quickly, so I can focus time and energy on those more compatible with me.
There is ABSOLUTELY no way in H-HADES that exposing ME to those evil, creepy creatures from the depths hell could benefit a soul. ESPECIALLY not if they are close to me when trying it. I have run through a campfire (completely missing the long steel rods being used to roast hotdogs, but just by a few inches). I have twice lost clothing IN PUBLIC over thinking one was on me (and proved to anyone looking at the crazy screaming psycho lady that you absolutely can manage to fall out of a shirt without ever touching it! I have screamed in such a horror movie way when I picked up a dog bowl only to end up with a handful of one single, HUGE, BLACK SPIDER, that my husband came running ready to shoot something/someone. There is absolutely nothing that will ever make me believe this thing they say. Also, spiders ARE a threat. Almost all of them are venomous (while the venom may be more dangerous to flies than me, seeing them makes me dangerous because I know they have venom!) and so everyone remembers here is a giant spider eating a possum!
https://youtu.be/cuKfAFI19pg?si=IpD20_abla1XAffk
I remember falling asleep in a rural house when I was a kid and some loud metallic screeching noise woke me up. I listened, but it was gone. A minute later the noise repeated. I turned on the lamp. Right in front of my nose, on the edge of a blanket that covered my face, sat a bug and slowly wiggled his antennae.
This might be because the mental processes that develop through exposure therapy are not centered around the specific fear itself but the patterns that create fear in general.
For example if somebody has found mental tools to overcome one type of fear (like emotional regulation skills), they can apply them to other fears as well, even the fear of the unknown perhaps.
I worked with a therapist who I would agree "homework" with, and then she would help me process what happened. The homework started with something simple like walking into a grocery store, and then progressed gradually.
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[ 24.9 ms ] story [ 930 ms ] threadI will not be tricked into being covered in tarantulas for my fear of heights a second time.
So what did I do? Grabbed my chance when friend was organizing small trip to nearby via ferrata. He had trust I could do it, and I've tried small bouldering efforts before. So we went, in few minutes we were >100m above ground on properly vertical cliff, just holding bits of metal drilled into rock, he was belaying my girlfriend with additional rope but I climbed on my own. I was focusing on what was ahead/above and only briefly checking the abyss below.
Suffice to say this changed my life. Within 2 years, I was climbing longer multi pitch routes basically every weekend, did all ferratas I could drive to, started alpinism, ski touring, paragliding... fear is gone, 1000m exposed cliffs dont make me even wink.
But the journey, which I stumbled upon completely by accident and without any goals, has had much more profound effect on my personality. A close colleague who witnessed this period just said : "you have changed during that time..." with some envy in his voice. I no longer obsess and stress about stuff that aint important in life. I dont fear death at all. I quickly recognize toxic people and push them away (this may have come also from my interest in psychology, who knows). As I get older these are invaluable tools, seeing otherwise smart folks around me being stunned in life due to these.
What I want to say - our fears can end up being our great advantage that can make us much better people, just try challenging yourself. If the proverbial hills you have to climb in life are bigger than other's it can mean you end up being much stronger than folks who have it easy in life. And stay the hell away from life's comfort zone - you owe it to yourself and your closest ones.
Maybe its just about meaning of those words - "i just do not like a person. No one forces me to deal with them." - sounds like my approach too, the key is to recognize it quickly, so I can focus time and energy on those more compatible with me.
> ...this may have come also from my interest in psychology, who knows...
Do you have a good recommendation where to start for someone who had zero interest during school years, but is now curious?
https://ifunny.co/picture/the-far-side-by-gary-larson-thy-pr...
99% of people are fine most of the time, but a few people keep me on edge.
For example if somebody has found mental tools to overcome one type of fear (like emotional regulation skills), they can apply them to other fears as well, even the fear of the unknown perhaps.
Exposure therapy for social phobia reduced my arachnophobia.
I worked with a therapist who I would agree "homework" with, and then she would help me process what happened. The homework started with something simple like walking into a grocery store, and then progressed gradually.
When you have the world’s most venomous spider which
- has fangs that can go through boots
- hides in holes in the ground
- is aggressive
- is common in the most populous part of the country (east coast around Sydney)
you want strategies that make you more afraid of spiders, not less
Huntsmans are enough to send shivers down my spine