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This is hosted on Ethereum which got rid of Proof-of-Work. Now it’s just a slow shared database controlled by a clique.

It’s pretty easy to generate trillions of trading volume on a database when there’s no penalties for wash trading. All it takes is a for loop.

Transaction fees prevent this sort of behavior. Better to learn than to bash...
And who collects the transaction fees? The same people who benefit from the illusion of trading volume.

It’s a rigged game around the world’s worst stored procedure database presented as some sort of magical truth machine.

You’re awfully convinced about something you can provide 0 evidence for.
This is my first time seeing the claim that the miners run the decentralized and centralized exchanges across all blockchains...
Not only network transaction fees but slippage, front-running, LP fees. I'm not saying that wash trading doesn't occur in DeFi, but Uniswap would be one of the more inefficient places to do it.

So which is more likely?

1. Uniswap Labs, a Delaware C Corp based in NYC, is risking everything to burn millions or billions of dollars in order to place fake trades and bolster volume numbers.

2. Uniswap, the top on-chain exchange on Ethereum (a network where the primary use-case is creating and trading assets, and which has an ecosystem market cap of something like $800B) has over the course of over 5.5 years, done $2T in all-time volume (~1 billion / day on average)?

Occam's razor says 2.

Also shameless plug see $netw AI character token on uniswap :D