HN Explorer

Activation Energy: Where Can I Find Fellow Weirdos?

3 points by abbadadda ↗ HN
The other day I was at a dinner with someone who I shall not dox but I’ll say they are obviously “out there” by the way that they dress at work (think pink mowhawk & nose-ring for the sake of example). One reason for them that they are able to dress like this is that they’re very talented and skilled at what they do (they wouldn’t be able to get away with it in a corporate culture if they weren’t). The second reason that they are able to dress like this is because they choose to. This was the interesting bit of the conversation we got into at dinner. Somehow the subject of eccentricity and weirdness came up at dinner and my friend/colleague mentioned the idea of “activation energy” for weirdness in different cultures.

As I write this I realize this should probably be a personal blog post, not a pseudonomus post on HN. Activate that weirdness. Anyway, not there yet.

So, now that I’m firmly 15 years into adulthood I finally feel perhaps brave enough to permanently break through the activation energy threshold I’ve either not been able to break past in my past or that I’ve shattered without thinking too much about or without realizing enough about how the world works because the rapidity with which the world shoved me back into my place was quite shocking.

At any rate, here I am, saying “let’s get weird” and not knowing how. Maybe I’m too late. I’m a 38 y/o male WASP. But my big question is: Where are all my weirdos at? I feel on the cusp of a major major breakthrough in my life and I think being around the right kind of people is going to be absolutely key to that. But I’ve no idea where to begin. I’ll hit submit on this for now because I do not have time to edit this and the train is pulling into Paddington, and I worry if I don’t put these thoughts into the world now I never will!

10 comments

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082349872349872
cf https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=as5lE64J1hQ

imx becoming yourself isn't about breakthroughs, it's about slowly and steadily chipping away all the things that aren't you, but ymmv

abbadadda
Wow! That is really well said and I think quite profound. I’ll check out the video later… I’ve been chipping away at understanding myself but I suppose I’ve not been very proactive about becoming myself. Recent years have been better but I’d posit that understanding oneself is a prerequisite in many regards to becoming oneself (if that makes sense). I think we’re becoming all the time, but having a clear understanding of who we are enables us to move forward much more confidently and decisively, whereas from the ages of 23-30 I was very unsure about many things, and so any becoming I was doing was very intrinsic. The key distinction now I think is that now that I’m more confident in who I am I am more prepared to reflect who I am in what I do and the way that I look in a way such that I’m ready, mentally, to be perceived by others differently. The downside of this might be that I’d be shunned in some settings, which is to be expected if I’m not conforming, but the upside is that I’ll be more likely to meet like-minded individuals. I’m not looking for counter-culture, but rather “what works best” I think (although there are many things about our culture that are not ‘what work best’ I am much more concerned with finding my own way and optimizing my own life rather than raging against the machine - I think meeting and talking with others that think differently than the status quo will be key in all of this and thus the post).
082349872349872
> I am much more concerned with finding my own way and optimizing my own life rather than raging against the machine

I can't think of much to add to that; good luck!

(something my fencing master was inordinately fond of doing was asking people questions which could implicitly be taken in multiple ways just to see how they responded [hmmm... dangling a choice might easily have been a déformation professionelle?]; if you don't turn them up more rapidly via other means, that might be useful in sussing out the quieter nonconformists)

abbadadda
> I can't think of much to add to that; good luck!

Sorry, I was trying to point out the difference in what I’m after regarding the comment above re: “counter-culture.” That is, of course, I am interested in interacting with others and improving the world. I just mean that in the first instance, I believe that I need to optimize my own life before I can offer any insight on how to improve the world. If, and, regarding not generally raging against the machine, I mean, I don’t want to be countercultural for the sake of doing so with no other objective in mind.

And great advice on the comment regarding the question. One problem I have, living among Brits, is that I’m extremely literal and these word games tend to not jive well with me as a person that says what I mean.

sfmz
You are describing a counter-cultural community; they tend to congregate around a place { cheap rent, a beach, a mountain, a ski village } or an activity { edm, slacklining, bjj, parkour, street art, ultra-running }

Rock-climbing https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3784160/

Street-art https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1587707/

If your mohawk doesn't work out you can always shave your head.

abbadadda
I could perhaps find some of what I’m looking for in a counter-culture community, but I don’t think that’s what I’m describing necessarily (see more thoughts here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=40029893)
sfmz
Your friend is operating outside of some of your implicitedly accepted social norms. And now you have FOMO because he has more agency.

You are exploring the space of the implications [of having more agency]. Sounds like an interesting thing to ponder.

I don't have much else to add but I'm remembering another "weird" place; I saw a documentary about a circus school in Montreal that feeds into Cirque du Soliel, lot of fun/odd personalities in there.

ahazred8ta
"When the going gets weird, the Weird turn pro." "One of us! One of us!"

https://web.archive.org/web/20240413184729/https://api.ccgtr...

There tend to be a lot of nonconformists at https://twitter.com/LondonMensa

abbadadda
Nice. What game is that card from?

And I like the idea of meeting folks in London Mensa, my IQ is probably not high enough to be a member AFIAK, I’m perhaps top 10%-20% IQ, but that’s not all bad either. But I’ve met some people in Mensa that I’d not consider to possess a good comprehension of the world works. I’ll always remember the article on the how the man with the world’s highest IQ had almost debilitating intellect. And I tend to feel uncomfortable in environments that reinforce “we are so smart aren’t we?” I dunno! Part of me is afraid of committing in any one direction for fear of losing myself. But I suppose like skiing, “the mountain behind you is not your friend.” I ponder the quote from Kurt Vonnegut: “We are whatever we pretend to be” a lot. I think I’m good at pretending but do not yet know who I really am. I don’t need to pierce my nose or dye my hair to figure that out, but I am exploring psychedelics in a guided manner to unlock whatever subconscious feelings I might need help accessing. We’ll see!