"A key function of good enough parenting is to provide the essential background to allow for the growing child’s disillusionment with the parents and the world, without destroying their appetite for life and ability to accept (external and internal) reality."
is a banger quote.
In practice it is so hard to just go along with this disillusionment. I can't do it. Kids come home totally bored at school and I'm supposed to say "get used to it, your life will be full of drudgery!" Nah.
That’s what my mom said to me. Didn’t really get me used to it though… maybe that’s the point? Tell them life is going to be boring during their phase of rebellion and you’ll set them up to chase something better for the remainder of their days?
I think that one of the core jobs of a parent is to gradually introduce children to reality. Too much too soon is bad for them, and too little too late is also bad for them.
But I don't think I'd ever say that life is destined to be full of drudgery. Life is what you focus on. That can be drudgery, sure, but it equally can be something else. I wouldn't want to prime my children's outlook to interpret life as full of drudgery. I want their outlook to focus more on the rewarding and fulfilling parts of life and to see the drudgery part as the work you do to get the rewarding part.
This kind of strikes at a notion that has been bothering me, which was the realization that Americans tend to couch their ambitions in terms of securing an advantage rather than simple personal success. We want to "get ahead." There seems to be little room to achieve without dominating. So everything becomes a competition where energy is shoveled inefficiently into the top end - which necessitates a significant investment in the bottom end so that they don't get left behind completely. Where does that leave the middle, where most of us are? Having to choose to push for the former or settle for the latter, usually.
Society just has to have room for a low-maintenance middle that gives the lows something to strive for without breaking them, and the tops something to fall back on without needing a parachute.
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[ 2.9 ms ] story [ 28.1 ms ] threadis a banger quote.
In practice it is so hard to just go along with this disillusionment. I can't do it. Kids come home totally bored at school and I'm supposed to say "get used to it, your life will be full of drudgery!" Nah.
But I don't think I'd ever say that life is destined to be full of drudgery. Life is what you focus on. That can be drudgery, sure, but it equally can be something else. I wouldn't want to prime my children's outlook to interpret life as full of drudgery. I want their outlook to focus more on the rewarding and fulfilling parts of life and to see the drudgery part as the work you do to get the rewarding part.
Society just has to have room for a low-maintenance middle that gives the lows something to strive for without breaking them, and the tops something to fall back on without needing a parachute.